


Someone Catch Me (Before I Fall For You)

by JZXR7



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Canon has been taken out back and shot, College AU, F/F, Gay Disaster Alex Danvers, Gay Messes, Gay disaster everyone. They're all messes. And gay. Deal with it., Humor, Lena gets in dangerous situations for Kara to save her, Lena's love of muscle gets Out Of Hand, Overworked Campus Staff, People have common sense and don't hate Lena AU (Is that a thing?), Poor Alex just needs a nap and cuddles, Pre-Canon, Protect Lena Luthor, Spy Vs. Spy turns to strange courtship, The events of canon will never happen, Vigilantism, campus security au, slightly crack-y
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-06-22 07:50:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 50,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15577221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JZXR7/pseuds/JZXR7
Summary: When Kara ends up becoming her campus's new vigilante after saving Lena from a lab accident, Alex knows it is not going to be an enjoyable semester. Like, at all. She didn't realize the (very attractive) campus police officer trying to catch her sister was going to be this distracting. Sam just wants to collect her minuscule salary in peace, not stumble into some weird government conspiracy. She'd also prefer if her best friend stopped getting herself into potentially deadly situations to ogle her crush.





	1. In which Lena is a Damsel In Distress

**Author's Note:**

> This idea is very similar to a clexa fic called "The Business of Caring." Which is hilarious. If you are looking for a campus security au far superior to this one, look it up. The author, coldmackeral, has given me their blessing to write this.

**National City University Herald**

**Dashing New Hero Sweeps Away Damsel In Distress!**

During a the early hours of the morning, disaster struck as an explosion engulfed the physics laboratory. While all staff had long since returned home, campus genius and valedictorian Lena Luthor remained behind, working on a no doubt world changing invention. While the explosion occurred perilously close to her lab, our intrepid student genius remained unharmed, as a flying hero descended from the sky and swept her off to safety. Ms. Luthor recounts her savior as "Amazing. She came through the ceiling like it was  _nothing_. And her arms were so strong...I couldn't see her face, but she was definitely female. It's interesting to think how she could have put the fire out with her breath...Maybe some form of liquid nitrogen tank? It would certainly make a fascinating experiment...She's my hero." Ms. Luthor's trauma may explain her distraction while giving her statement, but the facts remain. National city university has its own hero, one evidently fond of sweeping beautiful women off their feet. This reporter officially ships it, and yet our new heroine is evidently not approved by everyone. Campus security gave the following statement: "It's not that we don't approve. However, her...interference is officially forbidden by the university, and disciplinary action toward the perpetrator will be taken if we discover her identity. Paying for a new ceiling for the physics building, for one thing." Led by Samantha Arias, it appears a manhunt for our hero has begun. We at the campus paper wish her luck in evading these thankless, donut-eating bureaucrats. 

-Article by Siobhan Smythe

Sam hurled the paper in disgust. That is not what she had said. Not even close. And screw her boss for making her talk to that lying, rumor-mongering... ugh. She hated reporters. More so now than ever before. Lena was going to murder her for insulting "Her Hero," as she had taken to calling the flying woman after a few glasses of cheap wine. It was sort of adorable, really, and gave Sam plenty to tease her best friend with. The look on Lena's face after Sam had referred to her as "Lois Jr." had been  _priceless._ The damage caused by an irate and drunk Luthor, on the other hand, had a set price of $38.90, the exact price to replace her shirt after dumping red wine over it. Sighing in defeat, she picked up form 22-B and began filling out the section on "Libel." She doubted she could get the paper brat in trouble, but her editor was known for terrifying subordinates and it was worth a shot. Grinning nefariously, she let out an evil laugh. Or, what evil laugh could come from a walking persona of sunshine. It was really more like the chuckle of a child with a kitten, and not at all threatening to the very frazzled woman behind her. Dressed "inconspicuously" (university hoodie, jeans, aviator sunglasses) Alex Danvers quickly picked the lock on the incident report drawer, removed the report on the Physics Vigilante Manhunt, and headed for the door.

Sam sighed for what seemed to be the ninth time in so many minutes. Lena was the only real witness to the vigilante, so she would have to interview her friend after she sobered up. Hungover Lena was a force to be reckoned with, and Sam was in no mood to have high heels launched at her head (Homecoming of sophomore year), or step into an apartment full of "Home Alone"-esque booby traps (Spring Fling, junior year). She could never look at marbles the same way again after she got home from the hospital. Sam nervously hit Lena's contact, praying she was dosed up on enough painkillers to quell her more nefarious impulses. However, looking down at her phone, an overly cheerful error message informed her she had "No Signal!" This was odd, as the university literally installed a new modem last week. Something was broken, then, and if one of the freshmen had sat on the router again she. Was. Going. To.  _Scream._ She spun in her chair toward the door, prepared to cuss out the employee break room for "Being absolutely freaking useless." 

 

Alex froze. The angry brunette officer was thankfully unable to make any calls to numbers associated with The Incident due to the DEO signal jammer newly installed on the roof. When she made for the door (To call maintenance? She'd have to have Director Henshaw take that call.) Alex was faced with two options: A) Put her excellent disguise as "Hungover College Student" to the test, or B) hide. In the cramped office, the only place out of sight of the officer's desk was underneath it. No way was Alex going to fit there without being noticed. She put on her most helpless expression and prepared to lie her way through the coming exchange. Kara so owed her pizza on sister night.

* * *

 

Lena Luthor was exhausted. Mostly shaken and terrified, but exhausted. And also swooning. It had been a very long morning, and that reporter tried to talk to her as she was trying to remember the feeling of being in her hero's (sigh) arms, which was wonderful, and then she had said all those things... Whoever they were, they probably thought she was nuts. And was probably in hiding. She'd call Sam to end the manhunt immediately. If anyone could catch her hero, it was her. Or wait, maybe she wanted Sam to find her. Then she could thank her properly. Right after she googled "How to Thank Someone For Saving Your Life And Make Them Marry You." That was what she would do. She would do her research, pass any clues on to Sam, and wait. Maybe she'd even put herself in mortal peril again. Men who chased her had done stupider things to get a date. She was Lena Luthor. If anyone could unmask the campus superhero, it was her. Maybe she was like Lois instead of Lex, after all.

 


	2. In Which Alex Is A Damsel In Distress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex explains her presence in Sam's office, Sam considers the ethics of flirting with students, and Lena cares little for her personal safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Pandemonium8 and JohnnyV for commenting last chapter. This one is dedicated to you two!

Sam never quite made it to her office door. Standing before her was a woman she was positive hadn't been there five seconds ago. Sam, however, didn't exactly care where she came from. Sam knew college students, and pretty girls did not just "swing by" her office. The girl had come here and not to the cops, meaning some drunken shenanigan had most likely gotten completely out of hand. Her day was most likely about to get even more complicated. Putting on her best "Friendly Public Servant" smile, she addresses the wayward student. "Officer Samantha Arias. May I help you, Miss?"

The girl gave a tight smile, appearing to want to be anywhere but where she was. "Oh officer! I came here because, um, I needed help! With... My sorority house. Yeah, the... Alpha Bets? Yeah, the Alpha Bet fraternity pranked us, and, um... I want to submit a report with the campus?" The girl looked pained, glancing covertly toward the door. Sam would bet anything the prank of a clearly nonexistent frat wasn't the reason she was there. (The Alpha Bets?  _Really?_ ) 

"Right, Miss. In that case..." Sam picked up a massive stack of papers with a victorious smirk. "Would you mind filling out these forms? It'll just take a moment." 

The girl scowled. Sam was internally doing a victory dance, hoping the time commitment of filling out THAT many papers would get the girl to either tell the truth or leave. Either one worked, really. Well, either one worked until the girl took of her hoodie. Sam stared. Her hair was a lovely shade of red, and she wished that she would take of the sunglasses so Sam could see her eyes. Belatedly, she realized the (very pretty) girl was talking, and she was sort of paid to listen, not ogle.

"My name is Alex. I was out late last night, I'm tired, and I just want to go home and nap. Clearly, the campus police are just as useless as that article said they were. Good bye." She marched out of the office, scowl on her face. In the time she was talking, Sam realized two things. A) This girl- Alex. _Alex_ as very pretty. and B) Alex was kind of bitchy when she was overtired. At least she was taking her most-likely-fake story elsewhere, even if Sam wouldn't mind her sticking around, with her pretty voice and fancy hair and- _ugh._ Crushing on hungover college students?  _Not_ part of her job description. Not even a little. However, Alex brought up a very real problem. The campus police were already kind of a joke, but that Reporter Brat with the complicated name was not helping matters. Not even a little. Sam mentally stuck "Put Fear Of God Into Campus Paper" on her mental to-do list, right up there with "Interrogate Lena," "Capture Flying Vigilante," which she was not looking forward to  _at all_ , and "Stop Being Gay Disaster." Nodding over her truly excellent (nonexistent) plan of attack, Sam sat back in her chair. Lena wouldn't get out of class (if she even went today, what with being likely both traumatized and hungover) for some time. She had a few hours to kill before starting the manhunt in earnest. Sam pulled out her Business Law 201 homework and tried not to think about red hair and adorably fake cover stories.

* * *

 

Outside Officer Samantha Arias's office, Agent Alex Danvers was in the middle of a one woman cringe-fest. Alpha Bets?  _Really?_ She was a trained agent at the DEO and  _that_ is what she came up with? Kara was rubbing off on her. In her own defense, it was really hard to lie to the officer.  Maybe she was an alien with lie-inhibiting powers? It was possible. Alex would mention it in her report to Director Henshaw. In the meantime, Alex would be watching her every move. If that woman got  _near_ Kara the secret would be out in a moment. She slumped against the wall. Her next stop was to interview the Luthor girl and see what she knew. According to the campus paper (and Kara. Kara had a  _lot_ to say about the girl she rescued.) Luthor was some sort of genius, and that was a very dangerous person to have come close to Kara. With any luck, she'd be too scared by the explosion to remember much. Vasquez said she got out of class in a few hours. Alex had until then to put together a suitable cover story and convince her to talk. It occurred to Alex that that was likely  _exactly_ what Officer Arias was planning on doing. Officer Arias with her smile and her uniform and- _woah._ Those thoughts were  _extremely_ unprofessional. Ok, so she needed a cover story _and_ some impulse control. And also a distraction. And coffee. She desperately needed coffee. Heck, maybe even something stronger. It was shaping up to be a train wreck of a day, no matter how  ~~pretty~~ interesting her opposition on Campus Security was shaping up to be.

* * *

Lena Luthor was not in class. After conquering her raging hangover, she wrote down everything she could remember about her rescuer. The list went like this:

  1. Can fly
  2. Female
  3. Ridiculously strong arms (Oh those arms...)
  4. Broke the ceiling with no trouble
  5. Can put out fires
  6. Soothing voice
  7. Knew her name!
  8. Smelled wonderful
  9. Possibly cared about her safety specifically?
  10. Probably would step in if anything else bad happened



Lena realized that most of the items on that list were less than helpful. She couldn't exactly go around sniffing all the muscular women on campus. That would...possibly make people think she was crazier than Lex. She was lucky that she went to college far away from the places affected by his madness, otherwise she might have had far less friends. Here, she was just "Lena," and possibly "The genius who built us laundry robots." Maybe she could rally her friends and admirers on campus to find her hero? No, they might want privacy, and she wouldn't want to upset them. Clearly, the only way to get into contact with them again was to be rescued. And Lena definitely wanted to meet her again. "You're safe now, Ms. Luthor" in that melodic voice still played in her head at inopportune moments. Well, she  _was_ a genius, and a well-loved one at that. How hard could it be to create a situation of (false) mortal peril? Pleased, Lena nodded to herself. She would plan the perfect opportunity for heroics. She couldn't exactly send her hero flowers yet, but she  _could_ give her the ability to make herself look good. Or stay completely anonymous. Her choice! But Lena was determined that this would go off flawlessly. It would be perfect, and then she'd somehow figure out how to court someone whose identity she didn't know. How hard could it be, compared to quantum entanglement?

 

 

 


	3. In Which Sam is (in)directly Responsible For Alex Losing Her Pants (Don't. Even. Ask)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Alex and Sam attempt to interview the same person, who happens to be very angry they are interfering with her chance at mortal peril.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter dedicated to GayAddy and JohnnyV (Again. You rock, my dude) for their encouragement to continue this thingy.

Lena's chemistry station bubbled ominously. Beakers full of semi-forbidden chemicals (Don't tell Professor Krull!) mixed and steamed, fogging up Lena's safety goggles. Disgusted, she removed them. They really didn't go with her dress and heels, after all. She straightened her back. Falling out of the dress she'd worn to impress her mystery hero would sort of defeat the purpose of wearing it. Or not, but Lena help herself to a higher standard than flashing the object of her affections. The lab was empty, as was typical on a Saturday morning. The sound of bubbling chemicals and the click of high heels echoed throughout the room. Lena inhaled, and paused. Would the smell of the chemicals be a distraction from her? She noted to not include them in the next attempt. She had a feeling this would take multiple tries. "Trial One, Chemistry lab. Time is nine a.m. at engagement of materials." Lena spoke into the portable recording device at her shoulder, facing one of the many hidden cameras in the classroom. She was unlikely to forget any details of her rescuer, but one could never be too certain.

Tipping one beaker into the other, she turned the heat of the bunsen burner as high as it would go and stepped away. The blue flame grew in size until the chemicals it was boiling began to overflow, partially dousing the flames. Lena grinned. Whether or not this worked, it would be an entertaining story to tell Sam later. As though the errant thought had summoned her, Sam strode into the room. Her grin at seeing her friend quickly became one of concern as she eyed to overflowing, smoking chemical stew that now covered the entire workbench. "Lee?..Is this a new project, or..."

"Don't touch it!" Lena hissed, dragging Sam beside her. "You need to leave. This is going to start burning in..." Lena inspected the bubbling ooze "Three minutes! What are you even  _doing_ here? I thought you were at work!"

"Yeah, and my  _work_ involves tracking down flying students who come through roofs like the freaking Batman! What are _you_ doing in here? I thought you'd be wallowing in your hangover and I could interview you over breakfast."

Lena blanched. "You're here to try and catch her?" Her plan seemed to be falling apart. "We need to leave. Now." Lena headed for the exit, pulling Sam behind her by her uniform shirt. 

"Aren't you forgetting something? I'm your friend, but I'm going to get fired if I let you burn down the-" Sam's (extremely) valid train of thought as interrupted by a stream of white foam and an enraged shriek from Lena. 

* * *

 

Alex's plan was simple. If Officer Arias was going to interview Luthor, it made sense to follow her. Alex had to know what she knew to foil her investigation, okay? It  _wasn't_ because she wanted to be near her! And the DEO couldn't make her stop investigating without admitting they existed, so sabotage was the only way to go. Did she look good in her uniform? Yes, but that was _not_ important right now. Officer Arias and Luthor were evidently friends which meant she'd get better info than Alex could anyway. The fact that she could have put a recording device on Sam in her office wasn't important, she had a very valid reason to go in person. She needed...To see their facial expressions. She needed to ascertain Luthor's intentions toward her sister. That made sense. So there she was, watching them from inside the professor's podium, when a bunch of  _highly dangerous_ chemicals caught on fire.  _Excuse her_ for wanting to prevent her sister's crush and her...And Officer Arias from getting blown up. So yeah, she blew her cover with the fire extinguisher. And yeah, it was embarrassing that a trained agent folded like that. But she didn't want them hurt. ~~And Officer Arias's face was priceless~~. So there.

* * *

 

"Hey! I liked this dress, and-"

"And  _there was a freaking fire._ I did you a favor! What were you trying to do, blow yourself up?" The lady with the fire extinguisher walked toward Lena, gesturing emphatically. As she spoke, Lena backed away from the obviously enraged stranger toward the perceived safety of Sam. She was about to back her friend up to the strange lady when-  _hold it._ That lady wasn't strange at all. In fact, she knew that lady. That was Alex, with her obvious lying and  _very pretty face_ and wait... Why was Alex even here? She said she was going home to sleep. This didn't look like sleeping. Sam turned toward her and raised an eyebrow. 

"Alex, wasn't it? I can't tell you how great it is to see you again. Hope you got those pesky Alpha Bets back!" Alex turned toward the door, obviously planning on making a break for it. Sam stood in her way. The beginnings of a potential power struggle were interrupted by an ominous hissing noise and a showering of strange liquid from Lena's chemical soup, reminding them that they all should have left the building ages ago. Lena rolled her eyes. Not what she wanted, but she could work with it. 

"Everyone  _run_!" She yelled. Sam and Fire-Extinguisher-Lady-Whose-Name-Appeared-To-Be-Alex ran. As the one furthest from the door, Lena's lack of movement was noticed by no one. Smiling, she locked the door so that her friend and her friend's (Frenemy? Acquaintance? Who even knew...) couldn't try to reenter. Standing on a chair as far from the ominous smoking, rapidly expanding mess where a set of desks used to be (Whoops. Evidently she would have to replace those.) Lena began phase two of her plan.

" _Help!_ Somebody help me!" Phase two was hoping her savior would somehow know about this lab accident as well as the last one. If not, she had a neutralizing agent for her experiment gone awry. She'd give her five minutes to arrive before she fixed it herself. Minutes passed, as the experiment continued to grow and fire off airborne goo. Where it struck Lena, her dress began to disintegrate. Not the end of the world given her plans at seducing her potential savior, although she had to wonder what state Sam and Alex were in. Just as she was about to give up and scrap this particular plan, the ceiling caved in with the force of a woman flying through it.  _Sam was going to be furious._  

* * *

Outside the chemistry building, Sam wondered what God she had  ~~pleased~~ angered to deserve this. Her uniform was in tatters, although Alex was much worse. Apparently rushing random chemical stews with a fire extinguisher had its risks. Sam wasn't sure what to do in this sort of situation. She knew she should be interrogating Alex about why she lied to her, or was in the chemistry building at all, but  _damn._ Objectifying was rude, she knew, but wow. Grinning sheepishly, she offered the flushing redhead her uniform jacket, ignoring the thrill that went through her at the thought of Alex in her clothes. Because Alex was an unknown inserting herself in Sam's investigation. Sam wondered if  _Alex_ were the vigilante, but discarded the theory as a woman in a cardigan (!) and jeans, with what appeared to be a _paper bag over her head_  crashed through her second ceiling in twenty-four hours. As she resurfaced, Lena in her arms, Alex and Sam looked at each other. Softly, and in complete unison, they responded the only way they could in such a situation. " _Damn it!_ "

 


	4. Lena is a Hormonal Mess and Kara Isn't Much Better (A Memoir By Alexandra Danvers)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena is a conniving little shit. Sam is both infatuated and about to quit her job. Alex is so far in the closet she could open a thrift store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to my anon commenter last chapter, along with coldmackeral for sanctioning this thing. Love y'all!

Lena was flying. Both metaphorically and literally. She was bing held by what must be an angel with her strong arms and soft shoulder (Lena was never taking her head off of it. She wanted it for a pillow forever.) and she was- _shit._ Lena did not think this through at all, because she was  _flying_  and the dizzying view of campus? Not helping her fear of flight. She gripped as tightly to her superhuman mode of transport and buried her face in her cardigan. "Are you feeling okay? Because you possibly inhaled some of that stuff,not, ya know, like I could hear your heartbeat or anything. Nope! Definitely can't do that...Oh golly." Her hero trailed of with an awkward (but adorable) giggle. Lena was mystified, both by the power this woman obviously possessed (although she was very embarrassed she was being called out for her heartbeat like that) and the fact that said woman  _actually used the word golly._ Who  _was_ this person? Lena smiled up at her, trying to see through the paper bag (and what was she  _thinking,_ using that as a disguise? What if it blew off? What if she just grabbed it and tugged?). 

"I'm fine. Thank you for saving me." Lena put on her best pout (somewhere between Vulnerable Expression #18 and Sultry Look #22. She had practiced in the mirror for a full two hours last night, she knew how effective that expression was. Veronica joked that it was the kind of look that could get a girl pregnant, back in boarding school.) "I don't suppose there's  _anything_ I can do to repay you..? I'm  _so_ grateful. At the very least you could let me design you a decent suit. A paper bag is  _not_ ~~~~a valid form of identity protection, and your cardigan has seen better days."

Her hero looked down at her librarian-like attire. Lena couldn't tell due to the bag, but she swore the woman was blushing. She resolved right there that she would fix this woman's wardrobe (At least she was wearing pants and not a skirt, though.) or die trying. It was the perfect excuse for them to spend more time together (And possibly take her measurements. That had _so_ many opportunities for "accidental" touching. Lena wasn't a perv or anything, but she was only human.) Not to mention just being a public service at this point.

"That's very kind of you, Ms. Luthor!"

"Lena. Call me Lena."

"Lena. Right. That's...very kind of you. But unnecessary! Because...I need to stop seeing yo-doing this. I need to stop doing this. Vigilantes aren't allowed. And...Oh  _geez_...I'm not actually supposed to be doing this _now_ , it's just I saw the explosion and I couldn't  _not_ and then Ale- someone told me I could never do it again after the first time! But then there was another accident and- Is someone trying to hurt you? Cause I can throw them into space! Not that I should do that..."

"Well that is a shame. Not every girl gets her own personal superhero, after all." Lena made a mental note to acquire a villainous nemesis as soon as possible. "I really do feel so much safer with you around, even if I'm sure the fires were purely accidental (Wrong. The first one came from the nuclear physics club trying to build their own reactor and leaving it overnight in a classroom. And the second...Well, the less said about its source the better.)  I suppose I'll have to make do..." This was said as they landed, on the roof of Lena's apartment building (What Luthor would stay in the  _dorms_?). She regretfully stepped out of the flying woman's arms. Smirking playfully, she tottered forward in her (very highest) heels to kiss her cheek (or where she thought her cheek would be, anyhow.) Her lipstick left a red smear, and under the bag her hero gave a strangled yelp.

"Wait! It couldn't hurt, right? Helping people? I mean Superman does it, and no one calls  _him_ a vigilante! Don't you worry, Ms. Lu- Lena. I'll keep you safe!" This proclamation came complete with the traditional hands-on-hips power pose. It would have been extremely sexy if not for the scorched slacks, cardigan, and paper bag with  _no eyeholes_ (X-Ray vision much?) and of all things a smiley face drawn on it. Lena rolled her eyes.

"Come back here the day after tomorrow. I'll have you a more durable super suit designed by then. If you're going to be my- our campus's hero then you shouldn't lose clothing over it." Lena grabbed the woman's arm and shoved up the cardigan sleeve. She scrawled her phone number in sharpie over the warm skin, grinning at the close proximity. "Just in case you need  _me_ for anything, S _uperwoman._ " The newly christened super whimpered out her thanks and flew away, only crashing into a telephone pole and two trees as she breezed by campus. Lena smirked. She may be calling her Superwoman for now, but she was clearly super gay as well. 

* * *

Alexandra was having a bad day to end all bad days. Her cover as a university student was blown, she just saw her sister fly away with a beautiful woman in her arms (and no she was  _not_ jealous, no sir!),  she was trapped surveying the wreckage of Kara's latest rescue attempt (She just had to use the roof. The window was _right there._ ) with a campus security officer, and  _oh yeah, her clothes had disintegrated._ A sports bra and tattered jeans was not a uniform she expected to spend much time in, especially not on the science quad of her sister's university. So yeah, she was having a crap day. And while it was very  ~~sweet~~ respectful for Officer "Please, call me Sam" Arias to lend her her jacket (A little voice in her head was encouraging her to never give it back. Alex wanted to strangle that damned voice.) that did  _not_ mean she liked the woman. Just because she had nearly decked a frat boy named Maxwell who tried to catcall her did not mean she was suddenly likable. She did not like her as she steered them toward a bench "to chat." She did not like her as she fielded question after question ("Is she a friend of yours?" "Why were you in the chemistry building?" "Why were you watching us?"). She especially did not like her as she asked if Alex was "Feeling OK?" and "Do you need to go to the infirmary?" in that oh-so-caring voice that did _not make her want to swoon, damnit._ Because she was Agent Alex Danvers, and she  _did not like Sam Arias._ Not even one tiny bit! 

"Listen, I just want to make sure no one gets hurt. I'm pretty sure you know way more than you're letting on, and I'm certain I can't force you to tell me any of it. Please, just ask your friend to stop damaging campus property, and I'll ask mine to stop staging near death experiences. As long as she knocks it off the investigation can end and she won't get in trouble. Deal?" 

Alex sighed, knowing that was the best deal she was gonna get under the circumstances. "Deal." She tried to imply total disdain through that one word. ~~Sam's~~   _Officer Arias's_ smile laughing eyes said it didn't work. Kara better knock it the hell off, crush or no crush. That little voice helpfully pointed out that "if she didn't Alex could talk to Sam again!". She hated that voice! And Sam! But she was still keeping the damn jacket. For reasons!

 


	5. Kara is NOT Going to "Knock It Off," Thank You Very Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lena and Kara are not sold on the whole "Stop Being Heroes" thing, and an officer of the law is somewhat corrupted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too booboo and JohnnyV (Who deserves an extra thank you for consistently being an awesome person), for commenting on the last chapter. Love ya both!

Alex should have known Kara wasn't just going to say "Ya know what, Alex? You are so right, playing vigilante on a college campus is a horrible idea!" and be done with it. She knew that lovesick grin. That grin meant trouble in its purest form. When trying to convince her to  _please_ stop, her forehead crinkle had hit maximum levels. That should have been a sign right there to stop pushing. But Alex was worried for her little sister, and crabby, and still not wearing nearly as much clothing as she'd prefer. Alex had dealt with too many terse emails with Director Henshaw over her sister the "security breach." She was  _done._  Fortunately, Kara was too busy flying loop-de-loops on her dorm room ceiling while singing what appeared to be Britney Spears (And thank God she didn't have a roommate!) to notice Alex had no reason to be at her college anyway. Collapsing on Kara's cheap mattress, Alex stared up at the ceiling. Her sister was clearly mooning. Mooning Kara had even less common sense than regular Kara, and Alex was going to have to be a good big sister and take matters into her own hands. This could even be a good thing, she mused.  Kara could practice using her powers without getting caught. If anyone found or saw anything incriminating, everyone would just assume they were intoxicated when they saw it. Kara was clearly only interested in saving Lena Luthor anyway. Keep Luthor out of trouble, problem solved. Coming somewhat close to a smile, Alex vaulted off the creaking bed. She pulled Kara in for a tight hug. 

"Be careful with Luthor, all right?"

"ALEX! Her name is  _Lena_ and she is  _nothing_ like her family!" The forehead crinkle was there in full force. Alex had messed up.

"I meant not getting your heart broken, sis. You obviously like her, and I'm sure she's a lovely if accident prone girl. Just...I'm your big sister. And it's my  _job_ to scare your dates." Alex gave a half grin which lasted until Kara yanked her into the air. Dangling her upside down, Kara gave her sunniest beam

"I can shoot lasers. Out of my  _eyes,_ Alex! I'll be fine! Besides, Lena is  _amazing_ and beautiful and smart and  _oh Rao we're hanging out tomorrow and I have her NUMBER!_ " Alex raised her eyebrows at this new development. Kara had her number?  _Kara was meeting her?!_

"Kara. Last time she saw you there was a paper bag over your head. How are you planning on attending your date in disguise?"

Kara almost dropped Alex on the floor. "Date? Is this a date? I didn't know it was a date, she just wanted to build me a super suit! What do I wear? Should I bring flowers? How about Plumerias, that's what perfume she wears I found it at the mall-"

Rolling her eyes, Alex gestured emphatically to the bed. Kara put her down sheepishly. "Right. Alex, you're my big sister. It's your  _job_ to help me!"

Alex yanked open Kara's dresser. Throwing clothes left and right, she shoved a sweater and a pair of loose pants at her sister with a smirk. "There. Nice and easy to get out of!" The clothes were flung back in her face. Spitting out lint, she surveyed the room. She grabbed a beanie from the desk. "Put this over your head. I'm sure your Edna Mode wannabe will dress you as she sees fit. Hopefully, her designs include a mask." Alex knew Kara was going on this clothing date whether she wanted to or not, and figured supporting her in it was better than starting a fight. "Look, just... Don't tell her your name on the first date. Try not to break another ceiling, campus security seems pissed about that. I love you, and I know I can't stop you, but you better freaking call me if  _anything_ goes wrong."

The force of Kara-the-homing-missile smacked into her hard enough to crack the wall. They looked at the newest damage to university property, then each other, throwing their heads back in laughter. Approximately twenty minutes later the RA would knock on Kara's door to ask her to "Please quiet down." Satisfied that her sister wasn't going to get herself hurt just yet, Alex made her way to the nearest cheap hotel. Just because everything seemed sort of under control (Even though Sam was going to be  _furious_ ) didn't mean Alex wasn't sticking around. Someone needed to make sure campus security didn't catch Kara while she was working out the kinks of her supersona. If that meant more time with Sam-Officer Arias. More time with Officer Arias than that was just a coincidence. Satisfied with her expert logic, Alex didn't even notice she collapsed onto her rickety motel bed still wrapped in Sam's jacket. If she woke up in the morning using it as a pillow? Well, there were no witnesses, and it didn't mean anything. 

* * *

Halfway across town, Sam was not having nearly as touching an encounter. Lena was being horrifyingly stubborn about the fact that putting herself in dangerous situations to see her crush was a perfectly valid seduction method, and Sam "Needed to get laid, she was acting like a mom."  _Well then._ Just because she was acting like a responsible adult who happened to have a young child... Nope. Lena needed someone looking out for her, and Sam was just the person to do it. She wasn't the romance expert (Being a teen mom could cramp your style a bit) but she was nipping this darn vigilante thing in the bud. "Superwoman" (Lena, your gay is showing) only saved Lena. Lena only needed to be saved because she was reckless and ignored basic principles of personal safety. Ergo, if she stuck close to Lena whenever she was doing anything even remotely dangerous to act as the voice of reason, "Superwoman" would go away, she'd keep her job, the newspaper would buzz off, Alex would stop appearing randomly- _Alex would stop randomly appearing?_ Nope. Nope nope nope. Sam collapsed on the couch across from a suddenly smug looking Lena, wondering if her life had really come to this. 

"You're thinking of that cute redhead who's friends with her, aren't you?"

"What? No. You're projecting." The flushed face and warm grin did nothing to support her argument.

"Right. Well, it's lucky that if she keeps saving people, you'll keep running into her sidekick, isn't it?" First of all, it was  _her_ job to help people. Excuse her for not being able to fly. Secondly...

"Sidekick?" Was Alex not just a friend, but part of the operation? Sam doubted it. Her look of frustration at the second "rescue" was too real. She'd bet Alex was just as willing to stop the nonsense as she was.  

"Come on Sam. You think she's pretty. I'll get my crush, you can flirt with yours over 'crime scenes.' It's perfect."

No. Sam had  _principles._ She was not allowing this to continue to flirt with a pretty girl-

"Besides, it can only be a good thing for a Luthor to be seen with an alien."

Well, that was the trump card. Slumping into the couch, Sam sighed. "Fine. I couldn't stop you anyway unless I tied you up. And you'd get loose, I know you. I still have to try to catch her."

"Cheers then!" lifting her wine in a toast, victorious smirk firmly in place, Lena drank. "To finding hot girls in unusual places. And your weird flirting methods."

She wasn't flirting with Alex, she was interrogating her! Honestly...Maybe. Not really.

"Here here. Try not to faint next time you see her arms." 

Lena flushed, looking toward-  _was that a sketchbook?_  It was filled with what looked to be body armor. Why did she?... That was not Sam's problem. Lena was probably just designing some non-super-related engineering _thing._ Like she did. She was in no way an accomplice, and Sam was  _not_ mentioning that she might be in her official report. She was deleting that suit from her memory forever, and if she saw it later she'd assume it was plagiarism. 

_Why was her life like this?_

 


	6. Lena is an Accomplice. And Also Edna Mode.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lena makes suit fittings as flirty as possible, Kara is mooning, Alex has watched too many spy movies, and Sam is so done with everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To JohnnyV, CountryGirl, SuperWhovian, and rockiedogs.

Lena gave her living room a once over. The flowers looked tasteful and not like she'd put them there to make this seem more date-like. There was enough food on the coffee table to feed a small nation, or a fraternity for three hours. Her phone was off, the fire alarm was powered down, the doors were barred. There was no reason for anyone to disturb her for the next several hours, nor any reason for anyone to leave her room. She looked amazing. Everything was as perfect as it was going to get. She positioned herself over the couch, supposedly looking over her designs but really listening for a knock on the window. Exactly at ten am (almost as if someone had arrived early and then stared at their watch until the agreed upon moment) a flying woman tapped on her windowpane. Pulling her through the frame, Lena noticed her mask of the day was a woolen beanie over her face. First order of business would be getting her a decent mask, then. 

"Good morning Superwoman. Shall we get started?" Lena accompanied the question with a flirtatious smile to cover her nerves. Superwoman was in  _her apartment._

"Yeah! That'd be great!" Lena couldn't see the woman's expression, but assumed she was smiling as sunnily as her tone suggested. 

"Wonderful. The suit is more or less built, but it needs to be altered to fit you." Lena grabbed a tape measure and gestured to the center of the floor. "Stand here, and I'll take your measurements. I can alter the suit while we have lunch, and then you're in business." Superwoman shifted somewhat nervously until she saw the food, at which case she started vibrating excitedly. Lena grinned. She wheeled out the mannequin she had stolen (shhh) from the fine arts building. "This is what I have so far. It should be fire, water, and bulletproof. The helmet has a filtration system that should make you resistant to Kryptonite. I assumed you were Kyrptonian, based on your powers." 

"Wow. This is even better than Kal-El-Err...Superman's suit! Gee, thank you Lena!" Lena noticed she hadn't denied having Kryptonian heritage. Good to see her intellect hadn't completely abandoned her at the sight of a pretty girl. She wrapped her arms around her said girl's waist, ostensibly to measure her but more because she had saved Lena twice, and Lena kind of wanted a hug, okay? Superwoman relaxed into her, which made Lena feel better about the whole thing. She methodically wrote down measurements as she took them, guiding the other woman into discussion about everything from the newspaper article about them (Which Superwoman thought was appallingly sensationalist and "just plain rude." Lena sensed a dislike for the author and made a note to investigate) to interplanetary diplomatic relations. The super was delightfully intelligent company, and Lena found herself laughing at her childish antics more than she had in months. She made a silent vow to befriend and possibly marry this woman at the closest opportunity. Her resolve was tested seeing just how much unhealthy food she could pack away, but figured she could afford to feed a small army; one Kryptonian wouldn't push it too much. The suit ended up fitting perfectly, and the mask was far more dignified than the ones she had been using. Lena still found herself giggling (Yes, she knew Luthors didn't giggle. She  _knew_ ) over the paper bag of the second rescue. Everything after the measurements actually seemed to be going similarly to a study date of sorts. She had even gotten the woman's cell number "just in case," which she had debated tracking but decided against it. She'd get her to admit who she was willingly or not at all. Lena was just plucking up the courage to ask about a  _real_ date when she was distracted by a loud thump outside the apartment. 

* * *

 

In Alex's defense, they had left the window open. That meant that if someone was looking in, well, that was Lena and Kara's fault, not hers. So here she was, hanging upside down outside of the window, spying on her sister and her crush. After the first few minutes, Alex had to wonder if this was a good idea. After a few more, she realized it definitely wasn't. Her sister appeared to be having a ball, and Luthor (Lena. She probably should get into the habit of using her first name  _before_ they got engaged for goodness sake) was being shockingly respectful given the situation. She was just contemplating how to get down when she heard a familiar voice.

"Campus police! Get down now!"  _Crap. Crap crap CRAP._ Alex looked down to see Sam. She secured the rope around her waist and pointed up to the window, going into "Superman Pose." Alex really hoped Sam would get the idea. Her eyes widened and she nodded. Pointing firmly to the ground beside her, Sam beckoned her forward. Alex looked at her helplessly and swung on her rope, hoping to get down without disturbing the lovebirds. Unfortunately, the DEO did not give lessons on grappler espionage, and Alex managed to tangle herself up like a dolphin in a tuna net. Sam seemed to understand her predicament if the snickering was anything to go by. Frantically waving her arms, Alex launched herself into a nearby tree. She took out her cell phone, grit her teeth, and from her slightly more comfortable perch called the hotline for campus security. Sam picked up immediatly.

_"So, I got a call reporting a peeping Tom?..."_

"Yeah, well clearly your informant was wrong."

_"Alex, you're spying on my best friend and the vigilante you have a mysterious relationship to, acting like James Bond or something."_

Alex scoffed. "First of all, those movies are highly overrated..." Sam raised her eyebrows. "Ok, so I was spying. Are you really gonna say you just coincidentally already here when you got your call?"

_"Okay, so we were both spying. What's going on in there?"_

"I'm not telling you that."

_"Then I'm not helping you down."_

"Excuse me?" Alex hissed. "Do I look like I need help from a glorified mall cop?"

_"Yeah. It really does. So tell the mall cop what my honorary little sister is getting up to with a woman of mysterious intentions."_

"No vigilante stuff?'

_"If I don't know anything, I don't have to report Lena. So what non-super stuff is going on in there, Alex?"_

"They're...Trying on clothing?...And having lunch. And that's about it."

_"Seriously? Last time I nearly choked to death on the sexual tension, and that's it?"_

"That better be it! Tell your friend to keep her hands off of my-Friend. My friend."

_"Right. Your "friend." Just...Do you want help getting out of that tree?"_

"...Toss me up some hedge clippers or something?"

Sam grabbed the bolt cutter ("Jaws Of Death," her trainee Leslie kept insisting they were called. They were handy, okay?) from her backseat.

_"Will these work?"_

"Yeah. Toss em up, Arias."

Sam tossed them up. Alex caught them in a stunning display of athleticism, and neatly cut her rope. " _It's not really fair that you have my last name but I don't have yours, is it Alex?"_

"Dream on Officer." Alex disconnected the call, glaring at Sam as she smiled up at her.  _Stupid pretty smile that made her feel all light inside._ Sam waved jauntily and gestured to her new uniform jacket. Suddenly that smile was less adorable and more smug. Sam took out her cell phone, typed something, and smirked.

_I should arrest you for stealing my clothes._

The text blinked at her mockingly. Stepping forward to deliver a retort, Alex forgot she was in a tree. With a loud thud, she fell to earth. Or, to the roof of Sam's car, which is where she left a large dent.

"What was that noise?" could be heard from Lena's apartment. Looking at each other, Alex and Sam came up with a mental accord: neither wanted to be caught by Lena or Kara, so they both needed to leave. They flung themselves into the cruiser, gunned the engine, and took off into the ~~sunset~~ direction of the campus security office, hoping no one would later ask Lena why there was a strange woman looking through her windows.


	7. In Which No One Acts Like an Adult

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sam and Alex get into a fight, and Lena gets a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To JohnnyV, rockiedogs, tiy92, SuperWhovian, DrowsyCapricorn, and CountryGirl for your delightful comments.

_Well, talk about ruining the mood._ Lena stood up from the couch and leaned out the window. (She should have closed it after letting Superwoman in, but she got distracted.) Driving at full speed down main street was a police cruiser. Lena rolled her eyes. It was probably the freshman trainees having another drag race. At least Sam would be occupied for the foreseeable future. 

Turning back to Superwoman, she gave a fond smile. "Just some kids with their vehicles. People can be so dumb..."

Superwoman looked a bit like a dog that had been thrown a ball to fetch. "Should I go get them? Is anyone in danger?"  
   
"NO! I mean no, everything looks fine. More of a campus police situation. You probably should avoid antagonizing them. I promise Sam is perfectly reasonable when she isn't worried about losing her job."

"Oh,  _Rao!_  I didn't even think of that! Should I apologize? Or send a note? Or-"

"Maybe just avoid any wanton destruction for now. She'll come around."

"Thank you for doing this, Lena. It means a lot to have someone who believes I can do good with my powers instead of just hiding."

"Well, if anyone knows anything about seeing the good in a person, it would be the Super  _together_ with a Luthor. Who would have thought?" Lena gave an encouraging smile. Her word choice was a bit more deliberate than it would appear. Hopefully her adorably easy to fluster Super would gradually get the idea. "Speaking of doing things together. There's a party tonight at  _Maxwell Lord's_ frat house." Lena grimaced at the name. She could swear she could hear her hero growl.  "I've been...encouraged to make an appearance. His events tend to get a bit...rowdy, and I'd be very appreciative if I had a rescuer on standby if things get ugly. Which they undoubtedly will."

"Of course! I'll be there!" 

"Perfect. I'll see you at 11 pm!"

Superwoman flew out the window. Lena did a rather unbecoming victory dance in the living room. She had a date with a Super! Well, only if things got ugly. She scoffed. Who was she kidding? Maxwell Lord was involved, it was already ugly. But she wouldn't be. She had nine hours to get ready to sweep a Super off her feet, and she was going to use it. 

* * *

Tires screeching, the cruiser sped away from Lena's upscale apartment complex. Both passengers looked straight ahead, refusing to be the first to crack and break the silence. Sam stared resolutely through the windshield, resisting the urge to check out her passenger. Alex looked tense. Sam didn't know what exactly her relationship to the vigilante was, but she felt kind of bad. Alex was clearly trying to watch out for her, and it looked like that was a really stressful job.

"I'm sorry, you know."

"For what, calling me a Peeping Tom?" 

"For making your job harder. I know what it's like to want to protect someone and for them to make that as hard as possible." Sam gestured to the picture of Ruby on her dashboard. She knew it was unprofessional, but she was sort of balancing a job with an MBA program and motherhood. She had earned the right to be unprofessional, darn it!

Alex's face seemed to soften, and a slightly dopey smile split her face. The normally stoic and sarcastic woman was  _cooing_ and it was the second most adorable thing Sam had ever seen.

"Is she...Yours?"

"Yeah. She's my life, but raising her on my own hasn't exactly been easy. So while I wish you'd explain to me what is going on here, I can understand why you aren't. And I'm not going to report this to the police." Sam couldn't quite help mentioning that there wasn't a father in the picture. She knew nothing of Alex's relationship status or even if she liked girls, but a woman had to try.

"Oh my God, thank you. I've been looking out for K-...Her since we met. It's safer for her to stay out of the spotlight, but she just wants to help people. And how can I tell her not to?" Alex looked strangely vulnerable, talking about this. Sam was tempted to put an arm around her but decided she'd rather keep it attached to her body. 

"If you ever get stuck in a tree again, you can just call me. You're clearly not a student, but your job seems hard enough without doing it all alone."

Alex laughed ruefully. "You have no idea." She looked exhausted. Her hair had dozens of leaves in it, and there was a streak of sap down her face. Sam couldn't quite resist the urge to pull out a solitary leaf out of it. Alex flushed and shrank down in her seat. "Ugh. I look like a mess."

"You look like a woman who has been climbing trees. What are you, some kind of jacket-stealing acrobat?" Sam knew that the jacket comment might be pushing it, but Sam couldn't resist. Alex seemed to leech at her self-control until she was acting like a five-year-old with a crush, pulling hair and name calling. 

"...It's a nice jacket, okay?" Alex sheepishly crossed her arms, daring Sam to argue.

"Sure, Jan. Ow!" Alex leaned over and slugged her on the arm. The woman was surprisingly strong for her frame. 

"It's. A. Nice. Jacket. And I'm keeping it. So there." Alex stuck out her tongue, and Sam nearly swerved into oncoming traffic. Playful Alex was a new one. Sam liked it. She knew she should have pulled over and let Alex out ages ago, but...She just didn't want to, okay? She said it. She liked Alex and wanted to spend time with her. She was kind of awesome. 

"Fine. But when you wear it and students vandalize your car, don't come crying to me."

"I drive a motorcycle, actually. A Ducati. So you know not to give me parking tickets." Alex smirked, and Sam was almost tempted to mention she _was not a meter maid._ She got slightly distracted by the fact that Alex drove a motorcycle. Alex drove a motorcycle? That was...Just as badass as Sam expected. Next, she'd say she was a secret agent or something. 

"Where'd you leave it? I can drop you off." Not because I want to prolong this car ride...

Alex seemed somewhat cagey about her secret parking space. "...At the faculty lot. The one for the science buildings near Lena's apartment."

Sam had to laugh at her audacity if nothing else. "You look a little young to be a professor."

Alex grinned. "You look a little old to be alive."

Okay. It was on. Sam smacked Alex on the bicep. Alex flicked sap from her forehead at Sam's face. Sam hurled a styrofoam cup (thankfully empty) and Alex retaliated with a half-full bag of chips. Sam rolled into the lot and put the car in park before giving Alex a shove toward the other side of the car, only to be half-tackled in the driver's seat. Which she really didn't mind. It was several minutes before the impromptu shoving match ended. By that time, Sam's car was a mess, both of them were covered in tree byproducts, and were laughing hysterically. Alex stole the car keys from the ignition and jumped out of the car, Sam in hot pursuit. Alex was crazily fast and clearly used to being chased. She made it to the outskirts of the lot and quickly scaled a nearby spruce tree.

"Come and get em! Let's see how you like being stuck up here!" Stuck with Alex? Seemed pretty good...Sam hoisted herself into the tree with far less grace than her companion. Grunting, she catapulted herself into the higher branches, where a grinning Alex sat waiting for her. Unfortunately, Sam misjudged the amount of force needed to get to the branch, slamming bodily into the giggling Alex. They landed in a tangled heap, Alex on top of her. Sam was surprised at exactly how unhurt she was. She didn't have a scratch. Alex sat up looking dazed.

"You okay, Arias?"

"M'fine. You?" 

"M'great. Lemme see you, I'm a doctor." Sam grinned. Alex (Dr. Alex?) must be a bit woozy from the fall. Sam let her check her for injuries, trying not to shiver as her hands skirted over her sides and arms. Alex cupped her face, looking into her eyes. Sam couldn't stop thinking how close their faces were together, how easy it would be to-

"Well, your pupils are...super dilated. How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three. Now two." Sam rolled her eyes. "Alex, this is dumb. You're the one who looks like she got into a bar fight."

"You just hit your head. Don't be a moron. Now, fingers."

Sam tried not to think of that command in a different context. "One. Classy, Doc."

Alex put her middle finger down. "Just promise you'll go to a doctor. One with proper equipment. For your daughter's sake if nothing else." That was a low blow right there. But Alex had a point.

"Fine. But you have to go too, or I'll tell your friend you got hurt and were being stubborn about it."

"Ugh. Fine. I'll see you around, Arias."

"With your friend's roof breaking streak, it shouldn't be too long. Catch you later, Doc."

Alex hopped onto her bike, stuck a helmet on her head, and rode away. Sam stayed to watch her go.  _What a woman._ _Likes kids, smart, hot..._ _Can I keep her?_

Sam got into her car and headed toward the campus infirmary, just to be safe. She really did feel fine, which was odd because Alex had a way better landing than she did (not that Sam was complaining) and seemed really banged up.  _Must be a fluke._ For once, Sam was kind of eager for new damage to campus property to occur.

 

 

 

 


	8. Alex Crashes A Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frats are The Worst, and Alex is forced to see a medical professional.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Keziah, CountryGirl (again), rockiedogs (again), tiy92 (again!), and especially SuperWhovian.

Alex was in Kara's dorm room, watching her combust for the second time in thirty six hours. She was excited for her sister and all, but the singing was getting old. As were the constant comments about how smart and pretty Lena was. Alex got it, her sister's crush was amazing. Good for her! (She  _wasn't_ bitter, okay? Why would she even be-No. Just stop) Alex didn't even know Kara _liked_ girls. Evidently on Krypton nobody really cared. Matrix, and all that. Good for them! Ugh. She needed to stop glaring or Kara would think something was wrong, and then she'd have to deal with an interrogation, and then she wouldn't have time to find a good spot to spy on the frat party. Because it was her sister's first official Super mission, no other reasons. If the party got too rowdy and campus security showed up, Sam might not even be there. Not that it would matter if she was! She was probably in a hospital bed, where Alex was certain she belonged. But Alex didn't. Nope. And she wasn't going to let anyone tell her otherwise.

"What do you think of the suit?" Kara modeled said piece of textile engineering, bouncing around the room. Alex had to admit it was pretty awesome. It looked a bit like Lena had taken a look at some spy movies, covered one of the jump suits with body armor (Which looked to be higher tech than what they had at the DEO. Hmph.) and stuck a really fancy motorcycle helmet on top. Her sister looked ready to kick some frat boy ass. A vindictive part of Alex was pretty ready for that too. Especially since the Lord guy had been the one creeping on her after the Disintegrated Clothing Incident.

"You look very intimidating. Lena did a good job."

"I  _know._ She's incredible!"

"And she invited you to this party. Which is starting soon. Up up and away, Supergirl."

"SuperWOMAN!" Kara squawked in indignation. Superwoman it was, then.

"Get your high-tech butt in the sky. Don't want to be late for your  _girlfriend..._ "

Kara let out an inhumane groan of annoyance and launched out the window. She did look pretty awesome. Which was probably exactly what Ms. I'm going To Cause An Explosion In A Chem Building To See Kara had planned. (Alex was  _so_ on to her. No one that smart mixed stuff like that together for no reason. Alex would know, she was a freaking scientist too!) Alex was willing to let the youngest Luthor prove her intentions were reasonably noble before employing the FBI agent sister routine. She seemed full of surprises, after all. 

Alex vaulted out the window and onto the sidewalk, making her way to her bike. Not because Sam seemed impressed by it! Just because it was faster. By the time she arrived, the party was in full swing, music loud enough to rattle the windows of the house. Yeah, campus security would probably show. She wished she had time to scope the place out, but Kara had called her pretty late. She parked the bike in an alley. Walking toward the house but staying a safe distance away (plausible deniability!) she looked for a good perch to watch with binoculars. If something went down there was very little she could actually  _do,_ but she could take notes on how she or the DEO could covertly help Kara in the future. A great cheer arose from the house, as a group of girls approached the entrance. Peering through her binoculars, Alex recognized one of them as Lena. Who looked...Like someone who should  _not_  be allowed to go near Kara in that outfit. As Lena walked into the frat house, Alex realized that any action that occurred was likely to be on the inside near her, and it might be best to try to enter before her sister came through the roof. Again. Groaning in annoyance, she left her helmet at her bike and approached the house. She gave her most charming smile to the boys by the door, who immediately parted to usher her inside. The smell of axe body spray almost knocked her on her ass. She grabbed a drink and made her way to the side of the room, hoping to remain a casual observer until things went horribly wrong.

* * *

Lena hoped this party broke up soon. This frat was disgusting, and if one more Dudebro hit on her she was going to scream. A man in a tank top approached, shoved a drink into her hand, and informed her it was "Complimensh of the hosht. He thinksh you're really hot." Definitely going to scream. She shot a glare toward Maxwell, trying to warn that if he got near her he would soon be missing a piece of his anatomy, her choice which one. He winced and turned away, no doubt searching for someone a little more intoxicated and a little less gay. In exact accordance with her hypothesis, Lord swaggered over to a familiar looking woman in a leather jacket.  _This is going to get ugly. Why is she even here?_ What Sam had told her of Alex while swooning (and denying it) Lena got the idea that Alex took no shit from anyone, and that she already didn't like Maxwell. Sure enough, he tried to put an arm over her shoulders and whisper something no doubt incredibly creepy in her ear. An instant later he was bent over screaming, hands between his legs.

"What the fuck, you crazy bitch!" Alex looked very smug. She shoved her way away from him, only to be stopped short by a few cronies. 

"Listen guys. I'm leaving. You need to get out of my way, or you're not going to like how your night ends."

The muscle-heads made no move to get out of the way. Alex was undeterred, elbowing one in the neck while sending a flying kick into the stomach of the other. They went flying, smacking into other guests. Lena predicted in about five seconds there would be an all-out brawl.

Sure enough, the party descended into chaos. Fists flew. Furniture was smashed against the walls and over heads. In the morning, it would be described as "legendary," but for now it was just terrifying. An arm grabbed her wrist, and Lena prepared to douse her assailant with pepper spray. "Hey! It's just me." Alex dragged her away from the center of the fight and hauled her up onto a table. "It's for height. Supergir-WOMAN should be here soon. If you want her to do the dramatic rescue thing you should be easy to grab. God, I can't wait to see this jackass's face when his ceiling caves in." 

Lena supposed Alex was right about making this easy on Superwoman and stayed on the table. "What about you?"

Alex grinned. "Someone should be here to keep things from getting  _too_ out of hand. Have fun. Hurt her and they'll never find the body."

Lena nodded. "I'm glad she had someone looking out for her. Have fun beating up frat boys." Alex smirked, confirming that was her intention with helping "keep the peace." "Want to give Lord a broken nose for me?"

"I think I like you, Luthor. I gotta go." Breaking off the leg of a chair, Alex brandished her new club and entered the fray. Lena was  _really_ scared for Maxwell Lord. The idiot had clearly bitten of more than he could chew.

**CRASH!**

Ceiling debris rained from above as a black suited figure (And  _damn_ Lena had done a good job with that) swooped through the roof, sweeping Lena into her arms. "Sorry to be leaving early, boys. Great party!" Superwoman said nothing but gave a mocking salute. She and Lena flew up through the new skylight and disappeared from view.

* * *

Sam was thrilled to be cleared for duty at the infirmary. Apparently, she didn't even have a bruise. The doctor on call was mystified. She thought she'd be able to go home and have a movie night with her kid, but  _no._ Apparently Maxwell "Jerkface" Lord was throwing one of his parties, and then meant all hands on deck. So here she was, listening to some bizarre rapper sing about butts in her (still incredibly messy) cruiser, when a drunk frat boy crashed through the window. She could see what looked like a bar brawl, a mass of angry frat boys trying to beat the crap out of each other while a red haired woman with the martial arts capabilities of a ninja beat them senseless.  _Hold up._ Why,  _why,_ was Alex here? If Alex was here, then it was likely that-

**CRASH!**

Yup, "Superwoman" was here as well. All dressed up in her new, not-made-by-Lena suit where ALL the newspaper kids could see and/or photograph her. Great. And oh yes, evidently Lena was in her arms again. That'd look just fabulous on the front page tomorrow. 

Sam stalked toward the building, ready to subdue some drunk people to work of her frustration. First, though, she had to handle Alex. She had every confidence her deputies could handle the brawl, but she had a feeling Alex would eat them alive. She grabbed the apparent Ninja's shoulder and yanked her toward the door. "Hey Doc. You have the right to remain silent, blah blah blah. Please don't kill me."

Alex grinned wildly. Deranged bloodlust was a good look on her. "Hey Officer. Sorry bout the roof."

"Don't worry. Maxwell Lord has called me a MILF  _way_ to often for me to feel sorry for him."

Alex jerked back toward the fray, to be stopped by Sam. "Don't you want me to beat him up some more? Also, does this mean we aren't in trouble?"

Sam rolled her eyes, but brightened as they left the house. A lack of axe body spray in the nose was always good for the mood. "Unless I can figure out who your friend is, no. Not for the vigilantism, anyway. What do you mean beat him up  _some more?_ "

"Payback for when my clothes disintegrated?"

Sam frowned. "That doesn't excuse starting a brawl."

"He was harassing Lena first?"

"Ok, fine. Defending another student. I can work with that. In the reports you'll just be an unidentified random student." Internally, Sam was kind of liking Doctor Badass. The fact that Lord would be out of commission and her paperwork load would likely decrease for a week or so because of it?  _That_ was pretty great. Which meant Sam needed to change the subject before she was caught condoning violence. "How's the head, Alex? I was surprised to see you anywhere but a hospital."

The guilty look on Alex's face said it all. "You're kidding. The deal was,  _I_ go,  _you_ go. And I went! So guess what? We're going! Right now!"

Alex tried to bolt, but Sam tackled her to the ground. "I could sue, ya know." 

"Right, Doc. Right after a Doctor checks you over. Either you cooperate or I'll make you. It's for your own good."

"Sure,  _Mom."_ Alex sat on the ground, looking up at Sam as if to dare her to make her move. Rolling her eyes at Alex's stubbornness, Sam stuck an arm under her legs and another under her arms. Scooping the woman up like she often did to Ruby, she walked toward the car. Alex froze for about three glorious seconds before trying to escape, leading to Sam holding her against her body as tightly as possible. Only to get her to the infirmary, of course. Regretfully, Sam shoved her in the back of the cruiser and locked the door. Alex pounded on the mesh separating the back seat from the front to no avail, eventually settling back in her seat in a pout.

" _Sam._ Would I really be able to beat the shit out of an entire frat if I wasn't fine?"

"First of all, language. Second, you're lucky I'm not arresting you for that. You're going."

"Right. Can campus mall cops even make arrests? Do you have handcuffs? I bet you don't, you'd just have to hold me down until the county cops showed up." Alex gave a cheeky grin, and Sam almost forgot why she was angry. Almost. Alex really was a jerk when she wanted to be. Sam could be one too. She turned the radio all the way up, then put Ruby's playlist on the AUX. "Bye Bye Bye" filled the car at a volume even more deafening than that at the frat. Alex stared at her in abject betrayal, before giving the most effective set of puppy eyes Sam had ever seen. Besides Ruby's, anyway. "SORRY ALEX! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET." Sam yelled. Alex crossed her arms, stuck out both her tongue and both middle fingers, and then lay down in the seat so she disappeared. "REAL MATURE, AL." Sam only hoped she wasn't doing anything bad, like texting Superwoman to stop ~~their~~  her car. Although Sam would bet after explaining the situation Superwoman would fly Alex to the infirmary herself.

Finally, Sam pulled into the infirmary parking lot and gingerly opened the cruiser door. Alex had curled up in the seat, looking pitiful. Sam wanted to either hug her and tell her it would all be okay, or laugh. "You okay, Doc?"

"I  _hate_ hospitals."

"You're literally a doctor."

"For  _research,_ Arias. I hate these things!"

"Well, tough. Get a clean bill of health without threatening any medical professionals and I'll drive you back to your bike."

"Gee, thanks. Do I get a lollipop too?"

"Sure. Just go in the hospital and I'll buy you all the lollipops you want." Alex looked like she was seriously considering this offer. 

"I want ice cream." She looked adorable, jaw jutted out like she was daring Sam to say no.

"Wonderful. Ice cream it is. Let's go, Ms. Big Scary Research Doctor."

"Fine." Alex got out of the car and slunk toward the infirmary door, Sam at her heels. "Lock me in your stupid car again and I'll shoo- vandalize your car. Or tell Lord to do it. He's afraid of me now." Alex looked very pleased with herself, and Sam couldn't help but smile.

"Sure, Doc. Let's go, before they close."

"Screw you, Arias."

"Love you too, Alex." The redhead was strangely cooperative after that.

 

 


	9. Alex Commits A Minor Theft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people stop being morons. Others don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To CountryGirl, SuperWhovian, Keziah, JohnnyV, and Ixchel. Super grateful to you guys!

Alex hated hospitals. She hated the smell, and the overly cheerful nurses, and the condescending doctors asking if she wanted a sticker. She  _really_ hated being told she "had a concussion." And had a "concerning amount of bruises, should we call the police?" No. No you should not. Sam looked very concerned toward the end of the appointment. The nurse had taken one look at Alex trying to leap off of the hospital cot and turned to Sam, saying "Make her stay with you. If she goes home she is no way going to rest like she needs to."

Alex gave Sam her best "you do  _not_ want me in your home" look. It had made several of her superior officers wet their pants. Sam just smirked. Sam was really pretty when she was smiling. Which was not important. At all. Because Sam needed to let her leave. "Sure thing, Ma'am. I've already got one kid. How difficult could having another be?" 

First of all, Alex resented being compared to a child. Alex resented a lot of things right now. "Do I get a vote in this?" She asked, trying to look as healthy and not like a sulking toddler as she could.

"NO." Sam and the Doctor said in unison. Well,  _crap._

That's how Alex found herself in the cruiser again. At least she was in the front seat this time. 

"I still want ice cream."

Sam smiled. "Okay Alex. Let's get ice cream."

Alex was pretty sure she was rolling her eyes. "Oh, and I stole these from reception." Alex pulled out a bowl's worth of lollipops with a grin.

"I get a lollipop?"

"You get  _all_ the lollipops. Your kid might like them?"

"Ruby'll be delighted. Thank you Alex."

They stopped outside the nearest ice cream parlor. "Tell me what you want and I'll bring it to you. You are  _not_ leaving this car."

Alex pondered this very important question. "Rocky road. With sprinkles! And hot fudge!" As a medical professional she knew it wasn't the  _best_ idea, but she was already imprisoned, so...

"Got it. I'll be right back." Right back seemed more like gone for eternity. Alex was sure it was just because she wanted ice cream, no other reason. Also maybe that Sam had locked her in again. When she finally returned, Alex was ready to start trying to burrow through the floor.

"Miss me?" No. Absolutely not. 

"Yup!"  _What no. Oops._

"Oh good. Ready to go home?"

"...No?" She sent Sam a hopeful pout.

"Listen. You clearly cannot take care of yourself, and if I let you go you are going to make yourself worse. I'm also beginning to think you aren't safe where you're living. Did Superwoman do this to you? Because alien or not I will kick her ass-"

"Sam, no. The bruises are...from the frat party."

"Dang. What is it with you and hurting yourself?"

"I'm a dangerous woman. Now let me out of your car or I'll show you just how much."

Sam scoffed. "No you won't. You're staying with me for the next two days minimum, at which time I'll take you back to the doctor. Once they say you can go, you can go."

Alex glared and tried the handle of the car door. While jumping out wouldn't be ideal, she would try it at this point.

"Really, Alex? I  _will_ cuff you to this car."

Alex crossed her arms, not pouting in any way. "Fine."

They pulled into an apartment complex. "Ruby's asleep, so just...Don't wake her? You clearly could use some sleep too."

Alex did not need sleep. Super secret agents didn't need sleep. She hadn't slept in-She hadn't slept in thirty-six hours. Which was  _fine!_ "I am perfectly  _fine,_ Sam."

" _Right._ Twenty bucks says you fall asleep within ten minutes."

"You're on." Alex entered Sam's apartment, a modest (read: cheap, but nicer than the motel anyway) two bedroom suite. Sam dragged her by the arm into the master bedroom. "Where are you gonna sleep?"

"Don't worry about it, Alex."

"Sam, I'm not kicking you out of your bed. You have a kid,  _you_ need to sleep!"

"Fine. Make it part of our bet. You stay awake for ten minutes, you can take the couch."

Alex would, from that day forward, insist Sam had cheated somehow. But she did cough up the twenty bucks in the morning, when she woke up in Sam's bed.

* * *

Lena was feeling very pleased with herself. Maxwell Lord's house was an even larger wreck than usual, Superwoman's suit worked wonderfully, and here they were on their second unofficial date. They soared over campus, Lena's stomach doing flips for a variety of reasons. Superwoman must have picked up on her sheer terror of flying by now, as she landed on the top of her apartment building. Lena exhaled, grateful to be on solid ground.

"Thank you  _so much._ You have no idea how little I wanted to deal with drunken collegiate shenanigans tonight."

"It's no problem! Just happy to help, that's me!"

"Let me pay you back by buying you dinner. You must be starving." Superwoman ducked her head sheepishly. "We could get potstickers from that Chinese place?..." Lena smirked. She had noticed that's what her hero had attacked first during their suit-fitting date.

"That would be amazing! You're so nice." Lena took her hand and started walking toward the rooftop entrance to the building. 

"Perfect! I'll call for delivery. And  _you're_ the nice one. You've been my knight in shining armor what, three times now?"

"You're the one that built it! And it's so  _awesome_! Did you see Lord's face when I came through the roof?!"

"I did. It almost made my night!"

"Almost?"

"Well, it can hardly compare to having dinner with you can it?" Lena raised her eyebrows and grinned. Superwoman brought a hand to the back of her head, a very human gesture of embarrassment made somewhat comical by her helmet.

"I'm having dinner with Lena Luthor. Holy smokes!...I said that out loud. Oh gee, um..."

"Yes, you are. So come on, we have to order before we can fill that bottomless stomach of yours!" Lena had a slight ulterior motive with the food. With a beanie on your head, it isn't hard to stretch it to get food in your mouth. A helmet? Not so much. It was probably going to have to come off.

Superwoman didn't seem to realize this, as when the food came she forgot she was wearing the helmet and smashed a potsticker against her face. The noise of confusion she made when she realized her mouth wasn't filled with food was adorable. "Oh! I forgot about the helmet! I'm  _so_ sorry about that, I should have made the visor detachable or something..."

"It's fine. I kind of forgot I was wearing it. Which is silly. Because I'm a vigilante. I wear a mask, that's how it works. Even though Kal-El doesn't have to..."

"Superman a friend of yours?"

"My cousin actually-Uh oh."

"I am in  _no_ position to judge you on family members, dear. Luthor, remember?"

"But you're not like that! Has anyone said anything? Because I will-"

"It's okay, Superwoman. I'm glad you trust me."

"Of course I trust you! Although I guess it must not seem like it?...Oh no, you must think I  _am_ judging you with the disguises and the fake names and-"

" _Superwoman,_ it's fine-"

"Kara. My name is Kara." She took off the helmet and Lena nearly fainted.  _She's so hot. And adorable. And looks sad for some reason. Did I do that?_ Lena smiled up at her.

"It's lovely to officially meet you, Kara." She put her arms around Kara's neck and pulled her into a hug. Kara smiled down at her. 

"I'm really glad we're friends." Lena almost shook her head.

"Kara darling, I was really hoping we could be more than that."

Kara grinned. "Like best friends?"

"Like this, dear." Lena pulled Kara down toward her and kissed her. For several seconds Kara froze, before sweeping Lena off of the floor and into her arms. Lena pulled away eventually, if only to make sure that Kara was finally on the same page as her. She looked good with Lena's lipstick smeared on her face. She was beaming.

"So like girlfriends, huh?"

 _About time..._ "Exactly like that, Kara." Kara kissed her again, collapsing onto Lena's couch. Her lips were soft and she tasted like cheap chapstick and it was lovely. Kara's hands were in her hair, pulling her closer. Lena wrapped her arms around Kara's neck, resolving to not let go until the end of time.  _Lois 2.0 indeed. Checkmate, Lex._

 

 


	10. We Meet The Kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara decide to meddle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To JohnnyV, tiy92, SuperWhovian, Keziah and DanielWhite1984. Thank you for commenting. It makes my day.

** National City University Herald **

**Campus Hero Strikes Again; Interrupts Fight, Rescues Heiress**

Last night, a party at the home of Maxwell Lord degenerated into a violent fight until National City University's campus hero broke through the roof with a brand new look. Her target? Lena Luthor. This is the second time the campus legend has been swept away by her mysterious savior. She has been unavailable for comment at the time. Lord, however, has stated that "That  **< redacted> **and the red-haired  **< redacted>** who was with her are going to **< redacted>** get it. They're **< redacted>** dead!" Apparently, Lord's fraternity have declared war on the new heroine. Campus security is no closer to closing on the elusive fugitive, Head Officer Samantha Arias stating that "The campus police have no new leads at this time. The university would appreciate this person stop vandalizing campus property and turn herself in. A bill for the damages will be the extent of punishment." While campus security seems to be getting desperate in the investigation, one can't really expect much better from the donut-munching freshman they hire. We at the campus paper wish our hero the very best of luck in her endeavors.

-Article by Siobhan Smythe

Lena almost fell of the couch laughing at the campus paper that morning. At least their photo of she and Kara looked nice. Smiling, she took a photo of the front page and sent it to Kara. Kara, who hadn't left till late at night. Kara, who was apparently a journalism major who had never heard of Siobhan Smythe, but thought she was "a hack." That woman... Lena sipped her coffee. She had a gorgeous, heroic girlfriend who didn't judge her on her family and trusted her enough to tell Lena her real identity. She was ridiculously happy. Which, naturally, meant something had to go wrong soon. She wasn't worried about Lord, and Sam wasn't exactly super motivated to catch Kara anymore (Hooray for Alex). As if her overabundance of positivity offended the universe, her phone began to play Darth Vader's theme.

 _"_ Hello, Jack. How are you?"

" _Were you going to tell me, Lena? You have a superhero as a girlfriend!"_

"Yes, it's a lovely morning, I agree. I'm wonderful, thank you for asking."

_"Come ON, Lee. This is so awesome! How are you planning on going about this?"_

"Live happily ever after?"

_"I call being your best man."_

"Really?"

_"Well, yeah! I mean, I know we had a thing but I'm your best friend! And I saw that grin in the photo!"_

"I'm sorry for not saying anything earlier, then. But I need a favor."

_"Flowers? Chocolate from Paris? Reservations somewhere?"_

"My mom CANNOT see that paper. This cannot go viral."

_"Ah. I can help with that. It will stay confined to your campus until you announce your engagement."_

"Ha ha Jack. Thank you for this. You are literally the best."

 _"You deserve it. Tell her if she hurts you I can make her disappear."_ Lena rolled her eyes.

"Goodbye, Jack."

_"Goodbye, Lee."_

**-click-**

Well, that actually went really well. She loved Jack to pieces, but she had been worried about telling him about her new flame. She fired off a text to not worry about publicity for a while to Kara, adding a breakfast invite. Everybody liked pancakes, right? 

* * *

Alex woke to a strange weight on her chest. It had brown hair and dark eyes.  _Sam?..._

"Mom, she's awake!" Okay, so not Sam. That was definitely not Sam.

"Hi. Ruby, right?"

"Hi! Are you my mom's girlfriend?"  _Was she Sam's **what?**_

Ruby vaulted off the bed, cackling. "You should have seen your face. Come on! Mom made breakfast."

Okay, then. Alex hauled herself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom, fumbling with the shower. She nearly yelped when all that came out was an arctic blast, but she saw it through. She noticed Sam had left her basic toiletries with a smiley face post-it. She was so cute _. Nope! Not doing this Alex!_ Re-entering the bedroom, she was momentarily stopped when she realized she didn't have any clothes with her, but figured Sam  _probably_ wouldn't mind. She had kidnapped her, so... Alex grabbed a button down and some jeans out of Sam's closet and tossed them on, adding her leather jacket over that. Sam's shirt smelled- _Nope. Not going there. I am not enjoying wearing her clothes. Not even a little._ Ambling into the kitchen, Sam was making a truly Kara-sized serving of pancakes, Ruby already at the table. "I am so sorry she woke you. It looks like you really needed your sleep, huh?"

"I hate you." Alex tossed twenty dollars on the counter, Ruby watching the exchange quizzically.

"Ruby, this is Mommy's...Special friend. Alex got hurt...By falling down the stairs, and is being very stubborn about resting, so she'll be staying here for a bit."

"Awesome. Hi Alex, I'm Ruby! Your jacket is cool, Mom can I have a leather jacket? Do you like soccer? How'd you meet my mom?"

"Uh, it's nice to meet you, Ruby. Soccer is?.." She looked at Sam, who gave a thumbs up. "Soccer is really awesome. As are soccer players." Ruby grinned. Alex smiled back. The kid was freaking adorable. "I met your mom...At the university. I got stuck in a tree and she saved me."

"Like the vigilante?" Sam winced. Alex beamed at Ruby. "Right!  _Exactly_ like that."

"My Mom is so awesome."

"Hell- Heck right she is!" Alex winced at Sam's glare. No cursing. Got it. Oops.

"Okay, kids! Eat your food. Ruby, you're going to be late for school."

"Why doesn't Alex have to go?"

Alex snorted. "Because Alex is an adult."

"An adult who got stuck in a tree?" Ruby seemed to find that concept hysterical. Sam sent Alex a smug beam.

"Yep! She's not so great at being an adult, so I have to help her. When you get home, you should watch her and make sure she doesn't do anything dumb till I get home."

"Hey Alex, can you play video games?"

"Sure I can! I bet I'm better at them then your mom."

With that, Ruby was shepherded out the door to the bus. "Sorry about that. She seems to be going through a question phase."

"It's all good. My sister was like that too. She's a great kid" 

"Thank you, Alex. For the record though? I will destroy you at Mario Kart."

"Twenty bucks?"

"Deal."

* * *

In the diner, Kara was on her fourth stack of pancakes. Lena could only watch with a mixture of horror and awe. Kara sent her a sunny grin, mouth full of food. "Thith ith GRUMPH!" She said. Lena wasn't sure of what words she was trying to say, but the message of "I am happy and well-fed" seemed pretty clear. Really, if all she had to do to keep Kara happy was feed her they were going to last forever. Smiling contentedly, she sat back in her chair and waited for Kara to be comprehensible again. 

"Sorry. These are amazing."

"I can tell. Kara, can we talk about Alex?"

"Did she try to scare you off? I'm sorry, she's my sister, and she's super protective. Well, adopted sister. She's human. I don't know why that's important. I'm going to stop talking."

"Is she gay?"

"What?"

"Sam is so clearly crushing on her it's sickening. I want my friend happy. Therefore, they should date. So... Alex, girls. Yes or no?"

"Sam likes her too?!"

"Well, that answers that question." It was perfect. Sam would be with Alex, she'd be with Kara, and they'd all be one big happy bizarre family.

"This. Is. Perfect! We have to set them up!"

Oh, thank God she actually got the idea this time. "My thoughts exactly. I take it your sister is here to make sure you don't get caught in your heroics?"

"What? Oh, that would actually make perfect sense. She was there in the lab with the fire...Yeah. That sounds like her."

"Great. And Sam is there to catch you. So, if you keep saving people, they have to keep meeting up?"

"Right!"

"So keep going. In the meantime, just...Drop hints, I suppose. And see if we can both drag them somewhere non-work related."

"This is going to be great! Alex doesn't date like  _ever,_ and maybe she'll be less grumpy, andSam will be too distracted to catch me!"

Lena was always surprised just how adorable Kara managed to be. She was so lucky...

"I only hope these two stubborn imbeciles don't mess it up somehow."

* * *

Meanwhile...

**"YOU FUCKING CHEATER! STUPID BLUE SHELL"**

"I'M the cheater? ME? Oh HELL NO!"

"That's it! Best of 121?"

"Done!"

"You're going down, Arias!"

 

 

 

 

 


	11. Adventures in Parenting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things get domestic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to MV39 for commenting on every chapter so far, CountryGirl, independantalto, SuperWhovian, lynd_tman, JohnnyV, and rockiedogs. Y'all are great.

Sam slumped in her chair, watching Alex do a rather strange dance involving many flips and much leaping into the air. What kind of gymnast  _was_ she?... If she broke Sam's only functional couch, she was dead.

"Hah! I win! Gimme my twenty bucks back, Arias!" Alex was not the greatest sport on the planet. Clearly. Still, she was kind of cute like this, face flushed and overly rambunctious.  _If she started rubbing off one Ruby..._

"Here you go, Oh Mario Kart Master. I have to go to work. Please,  _please_ stay here and rest."

Alex sunk into the couch, almost enveloped by overstuffed throw pillows. She threw her feet up on the coffee table, and Sam winced. Sheepishly, Alex put them back on the floor, best apologetic smile in place. She picked up the TV remote and waggled it in the air. "Don't worry. I solemnly swear I'll stay here and binge watch Netflix or something." This illusion of cooperation was shattered slightly by the guilty look on her face and the fact that her motorcycle keys and phone were in her other hand.

"Give those here." Sam was using the voice she used when Ruby was misbehaving. Strangely, it worked to a degree. Alex chucked the keys in Sam's general direction, crossing her arms over her chest and curling up into a sulking ball on the couch. Sam shook her head, grabbing a blanket from a recliner in the corner and draping it over her truculent patient. "There's food in the fridge. I'll move your bike to the campus security parking lot." Alex looked like she might object. Sam silenced her with her finest Mom Glare. "Yes, I know how to ride a motorcycle. I promise I won't hurt your baby." Alex looked far from mollified, huffing with a wounded expression. "Call your vigilante friend if you want to. Watch TV, eat everything in the fridge, just stay here for God's sake. Please? Ruby'll be home before me and it would be amazing if there was an adult in the house. Not that you really count." Alex looked affronted.  _Gotcha._

 _"_ I am so an adult!" This exclamation was undermined by the fact that Alex had leapt on top of the couch to make it, blanket encasing her like a toga. "I do adult stuff! Like...taxes. And cleaning? Ummm..."

"Ruby. Watch her. Please?" Alex melted. 

"Fine. But I'm totally telling her you stink at Mario Kart." Nodding at the woman currently nesting on her couch, Sam headed for the door. Alex was kind of a pain in the ass, but Sam liked her. She wasn't going to let her hurt herself for...whatever her reasons. The world wouldn't end if she took a break. "Have fun at work!" Okay then. Even her deaf neighbor probably heard that. Still cute, though. 

* * *

 

Alex burrowed further into her couch-y tomb. This was cruel and unusual punishment! She couldn't believe Sam had taken her keys.Must be some kind of Mom instinct. It made sense. Sam was an awesome mom. And Ruby was pretty great, too. Alex smiled fondly. They really were cute together. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, being part of a normal family for a few days. She sent Kara a quick text, only mentioning she would be away for a few days on a business trip. No sense worrying her. In the meantime, she really she try to do something useful. Sam had been pretty nice moving her into her house. She quickly consulted google about what chores normal people did in their houses. She had hours before anyone got home, and she was  _going_ to make a good impression, damnit!

* * *

 

By the time Ruby was home, Alex was flushed, running around like a cleaning dervish. There was a forgotten dish rag over her shoulder and a bandana over her hair. The floors had been vacuumed, beds were made, there was something bubbling on the stovetop, and every possible surface that could be windexed had been shined within an inch of its life. Ruby could only stand in the doorway, thrilled her chores were no longer her problem but also kind of terrified. "Oh! You're home! Hi!" Alex waved at the stereo frantically, trying to silence the ACDC pouring out of the speakers. "Siri, quiet! Uh, Alexa, STOP!" Ruby shook her head.

"You have to press the off button?"

Alex froze. "Right! The off button. That would make sense." She gestured vaguely around the room. "I didn't know what Sa-Your mom usually did...So I did everything. I hope that's okay?"

"Uh, Hell yeah!" Alex and Ruby looked at each other, making a silent pact to just not mention that to Sam. "So...What did you cook?"

"A pie. And burgers. Plus some soup? I ordered groceries on my phone. So your mom didn't have to cook." Ruby nodded, deciding not to question free pie. Pie was awesome.

"Smells great! Do you wanna play a game?"

Alex frowned. It was obvious she really didn't know much about parenting, but she looked to be trying to be a responsible adult. Pity. "Don't you have homework?..."

"...No?"

Alex leaned forward conspiratorially. "I'll have you know I'm pretty smart for an adult. Want any help?"

"...Do you understand algebra?"

Alex grinned. "New math or old math?"

Ruby pumped her fist. "Oh, thank God. Mom keeps claiming new math is evil."

"All math is evil, though."

Ruby liked Alex. Her mom liked her too. She was staying, one way or another. 

* * *

 

_vrrp!_

The text alert lit up Kara's phone. 

"Alex is calling, dear!"

Kara sped over to the couch, looking baffled. She picked up the phone. "Alex? I thought you were on a business trip?" Kara looked confused at whatever Alex was saying. "Right. I'm just gonna put you on speaker?..."

 _"Hi Auntie Lena! Hi Kara, whoever you are! You were in Alex's recents so I called you."_ That was Ruby. Why did Ruby have Alex's phone? Evidently Kara had the same thought.

_"Oh! That's cause Alex fell down the stairs and so Mom is making sure she rests. But instead she cleaned everything and made a pie! It was amazing! And so I need your help convincing her to stay!"_

"Well Rubes, you're in luck. Kara is Alex's sister, and we want to set them up."

_"...Like the parent trap?"_

Lena was getting excited. Sam was forcing Alex to live with her, and she had a mole.

"Exactly like that! You in, kiddo?" Kara was practically squealing. 

_"Yes! Totally yes!"_

"Perfect. Make them spend time together, okay? And make sure Alex stays as long as possible."

_"I could make mom think she's still sick when she isn't anymore?"_

Kara was quick to end that idea. "Alex is a doctor. That won't work, I don't think?"

Lena had to agree. Sam could be a bit of a pushover, and the last thing she needed was "World's Most Stubborn Person" Alex Danvers trying to convince her she should leave.

"Ruby, just...Monitor their progress. We need to figure out how to help them before we make a plan."

_"Okay, Auntie Lena! Bye Kara-Alex's-Sister!"_

**-click-**

"She's adorable. You didn't tell me Sam had a kid! Not that it's any of my business!"

"Ruby is a very special girl. I'm her Godmother."

" _Awwwww._ She's a very lucky girl then. So am I."

Lena was melting. "We're both lucky, then. To celebrate you should have dinner with me tonight. A first date that doesn't involve frat boys or broken roofs."

"...Can we get Chinese?"

"Yes, we can get Chinese." Kara Danvers...Lena really, really liked her, if not her diet. "Just promise me you'll eat a vegetable?"

"Rice is a vegetable?"

No. No it really isn't. But those puppy eyes were a lethal weapon, and Lena was toast. She could live with that.


	12. Suspicions Are Had

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruby is absolutely Up To Something. Sam is sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your lovely commentary. I'm sorry there was no update yesterday!

Ruby was up to something. Granted, Ruby was always up to something to some degree. But Ruby was really,  _really_ up to something. Since Sam had gotten home from work, Ruby had shoved her unceremoniously onto the now creaking couch (Alex was  _dead_ ), shoved a plate of pecan pie into her hands, and announced they were having family movie night, since "You and Alex can't play Mario Kart like adults." Alex was still frantically cleaning for some reason (And  _wow_ the house looked amazing. Sam had thought keeping her was the right idea before, but now? She can't leave. Ever). Ruby dragged her into the living room and shoved her onto the couch as well. She landed against Sam in a tangle of limbs. The pie miraculously survived, although it appeared Alex's dignity did not. 

"I am so sorry. Normally I'm not this...clumsy. I swear I don't mean to keep falling on you."

Sam grinned. She really loved sheepish Alex. "It's fine. Saving fair maidens from themselves is all in a day's work." Alex gave her shoulder a shove, leaning back against the cushions. Her hair had gotten very mussed up since Sam had left, and her borrowed shirt hung too long down her thighs. She looked nothing like the put-together woman she usually did, and Sam swore she was blushing. She looked beautiful.

"I am  _not_ some...Damsel in distress!" Alex was indignant. Her image of righteous fury was derailed by the fact that since meeting her, Sam had seen her: Pretending to be a college student, in disintegrated clothing, stuck in a tree, beating up a bunch of frat boys with a chair leg, asleep in her bed, and most recently "helping" Ruby do her homework while cooking her dinner in borrowed clothes and a bandana. The whole "Dr. Badass" image was ruined. Sam told her so.

"I am so a badass!" The blush was deeper now. Alex looked like she wanted to burrow into the couch and never face humanity again. "I'll have you know, Ms. Campus Security, that I-Oh. Right. Nothing. Absolutely nothing to mention. Just a regular civilian needing rescue, that's me!" Alex gave a slightly manic grin.  _Liar, liar, pants on fire._ Even Ruby looked dubious.

"Are you not allowed to talk about your job, Alex?"

"Um...No! Because I work for the government. In a research capacity. It's still classified. So, Sam, how was work?" Alex turned toward her, expression pleading. While Sam  _so_ didn't want to let this go ( _Why would the government hire such a bad liar?!)_ Alex needed rescue once again. She began to recount a story of the tri-delt fraternity accidentally setting their house on fire trying to build what appeared to be some kind of glowing rock?... In any case, Maxwell Lord would be paying for more than a new roof. Not surprisingly, Alex looked incredibly smug at his misfortune. Ruby was slightly confused by the apparent glee both women showed at a grad student's misfortune (And what kind of grad student still lived in a frat house?), she appeared to have inferred he was not the nicest person and moved on. After hearing the story of how his roof broke, she insisted that in honor of the alien on campus's latest stunt they had to watch Lilo and Stitch. While Sam offered her a spot on the couch, she was oddly quick to insist on sitting on the recliner. Which she had never done before. Ever. 

Ruby's unusual behavior continued throughout the movie. She kept sneaking looks at the couch,  _especially_ at Alex. Sam caught her looking and Ruby grinned, waving.  _What the heck._ Did Ruby have a crush on Alex or something? No, that was her. Totally her. And Ruby totally knew it, if the knowing smiles and the fact she had written "Put Your Arm Around Her, Mom!" on a piece of paper she was frantically waving were any indication.  _Crap!_ Sam gave Ruby the universal hand motion for "Cut it out NOW." Beside her, Alex looked up at the exchange. She looked at them as though they were some strange new species to catalog. Sam looked at Ruby. Clearly, they both wanted Alex to not think Sam was nuts. They needed a distraction. 

"SPIDERRRRRRRRR" Ruby screamed at the top of her lungs, standing on the wobbling recliner. Sam didn't know whether to be horrified by her child's noise and poor acting skills or thrilled at her quick thinking. Sam decided on the latter gave her a quick nod.

"Sweetheart, it's more scared of you than you are of it."

"Really? Did it  _tell you that?_ " Beside her, Alex chuckled, walking in the random direction Ruby had decided to point. She methodically searched around the perimeter of the bookshelf and on the walls. Ruby waved toward Sam, mouthing "what do I do?" Sam pointed under the couch. "It went under there!" Ruby yelled. 

"Well, if it comes out tell us, but obviously we can't get it under-EEEEE" Sam was started by the fact that the couch rapidly began moving with her still on it. Looking for the source of the disturbance, she saw Alex effortlessly lifting half the sofa, looking very smug at her unprofessional ~~~~shriek.

"Did I scare the big, bad cop?" Ruby was snickering from her perch on the recliner.

"Hey! No fair turning my own kid against me. Get your own!" Alex placed the couch back on the floor, leaping back into her original seat. 

"I dunno Sammy, maybe I like this one." She gave Ruby a grin and a wink. Sam couldn't help being a smidge jealous. 

"Sorry Doc, we're a package deal."  _Damn right we were._

"Well, that's too bad. Sorry kiddo, but I don't think I can quite handle your mom." Sam shoved her against the arm rest. Like in the cruiser, Alex seemed compelled to retaliate and whacked her over the head with a throw pillow. Ruby cheered and hurled a pillow of her own.  _That little-_ She found herself being tackled by both Alex and her daughter, who quickly formed an alliance to pummel her with various pieces of home decor.

"Okay! I surrender! You win!" Sam was barely audible, she was so buried. Alex and Ruby high-fived.

"This calls for more pie!" Alex looked at her, daring her to argue as Ruby sprinted into the kitchen.

"Fine. Bring me some too. We can be injured, defective adults together." Alex and Sam ate their pie side by side as Ruby played more movies, although neither were exactly paying attention. Sam reached up to stick an errant strand of hair back out of Alex's face. She smiled, slumping against Sam's shoulder. Ruby beamed at her at gave a thumbs-up.  _Well, the kid approves. I guess this whole thing is a go._

* * *

 

Kara and Lena cheered as Ruby recounted the evening's shenanigans. It looked like Sam wouldn't be a problem with their plan, anyway. They said their goodbyes as Ruby hung up.

"So just how stubborn is this sister of yours?"

"Oh Rao, she can ignore her feelings for  _years._ "

"So Sam is our only hope, huh?"

"Hey! It's not like Alex is some kind of...Disaster woman!"

"Please. I staged a fire to get your attention. I can't say much about disaster woman."

Kara jerked her forward for a kiss. "You're not a disaster! You're amazing and perfect and your hair is super soft and...Stop insulting yourself! Or else!"

Lena smirked and leaned forward. "Or else what?" 

"Or else..." Kara seemed to have gotten a bit distracted. Lena supposed the top she was wearing did not have a neckline conducive to intelligent conversation. She threw her arms around Kara's neck and pulled her closer, deciding to put her out of her misery. 

"I'll stop, I promise. The last thing I need is you trying to think of appropriate punishments if I don't." Kara sounded a bit like she was choking for a few moments. Lena grinned, Kara was just adorable all flustered. She drew her in for another kiss, backing them up towards the couch. Which she "accidentally" fell onto the second it came in range. Kara rolled her eyes and grinned. Evidently, Lena's overdramatic tendencies in...everything weren't annoying her yet. Lena smiled up at her. "I think I hurt my mouth. Come kiss it better?" Her arms were full of over-affectionate Kryptonian an instant later. Superspeed clearly had many, many benefits. She could get used to constant attention and compliments like this.  _How, exactly, did Kryptonian courtship rituals work?_


	13. Mornings Are The Worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning fluff. What plot?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To rockiedogs, CountryGirl, SuperWhovian, and tiy92.

Alex was freezing. Shifting, she felt around for her blanket and came up empty. Groaning in frustration, she nuzzled into her pillow, which was...really warm, for some reason. Also, she was sleeping sitting up. And her pillow smelled like Sam. Correction: her pillow  _was_ Sam, she was asleep on Sam's very comfy couch, and she was  _pinned._ Like, trained agent but still can't get up. Sam's arm was trapping her in place, head on Sam's chest half lying on the sofa and half lying on her.  _How is she so strong?_ Alex tried to sit up again. Sam had goosebumps where Alex's head used to be. She yanked her back down. 

"Sam. I'm not a blanket." Sam, in her unconscious state, did not seem very swayed by this argument. She twisted the fingers on her free hand into Alex's hair, idly stroking her head. Alex sighed. Maybe she could just stay where she was. That felt really good, and Sam obviously needed her sleep, right? When Sam woke up, she'd just ignore the whole situation and move on with her life. Alex put her head back on Sam's shoulder and closed her eyes contentedly. She completely missed the small child in pyjamas holding up a camera. She missed the gleeful laughter and the pitter-patter of tiny feet on the carpet. She really hadn't been sleeping much lately, so the fact that she fell asleep again almost immediately could be excused.

* * *

Lena woke up to thirteen missed calls and a whopping eighty-five texts, all from "Sam." Judging from the lack of spelling, grammar, and reminders to eat Lena would bet they were from Ruby instead. She was thrilled her goddaughter was in on their little scheme (If she wasn't okay with it, it really wouldn't work long-term) but really. Sam was gonna see her phone bill and kill her. Did Ruby even have her own phone? She didn't, or so Lena thought. Oh well. She sent off a quick text reminding Ruby to delete the evidence. That photo of them was  _adorable._ Kara would be thrilled. Lena loved when her girlfriend was happy. She sang, and painted, and was all around even more adorable than usual. Maybe if she cooked breakfast, too?

Lena stretched and got out of bed, pulling the blanket over Kara. She hadn't intended for the hero to fall asleep in her bed, but Kara made the best heater of all time and Lena wondered how early in a relationship it was appropriate to ask your girlfriend to move in with you. She would bet "After a week of knowing each other and two days of being an item" was considered  _way_ too early. Which was a shame, because she had slept great. Padding into the kitchen, Lena inspected the inside of her refrigerator.  _Science experiment, wine, a moldy thing she couldn't identify, old takeout, more science, well then..._ How early did grocery stores deliver?  _Did grocery stores deliver?_ Lena wasn't sure. Clearly, while cooking would have been romantic if she didn't set the kitchen on fire, it would have to wait till she had groceries. Sighing, she dialed the twenty-four-hour pizza place on Main Street.

_"Hello?"_

"Yes, good morning. How much do I need to pay you to go get breakfast food from...Anywhere open, really, and deliver it?"

_"I'm sorry, Miss. This is a pizza place. I can make that?"_

"Just...Please put your delivery person on the phone?"

_"Please hold"_

The dial tone sounded in Lena's ear.

_"Hello. This is Bill?"_

"Listen, it's an emergency. I will give you a hundred dollars cash to go bring my girlfriend and I breakfast."

_"The old takeout and fakeout, huh?"_

"I will be extremely truthful as to the food's origin. Will you do it or not?"

_"Lady, I'm a broke college student. What can I get you?"_

Bill the Broke College Student seemed vaguely alarmed about the amount of food Lena wanted. She then stated she would pay the cost of the food, plus an extra two hundred dollars for carrying it and not asking questions. He became far more cooperative after that.

The food arrived in thirty minutes. Lena set the table, showered, and opened the door to a walking pile of takeout boxes. Bill dropped them on the kitchen table, sighing with relief. She shoved his rather substantial tip into his hands and directed him toward the door, nodding toward her bedroom. Whispering so as not to wake her, Bill informed her if she ever needed any more emergency takeout he was her man.

By the time Lena had actually gotten the food onto plates, Kara was stirring. The smell of carbohydrates is probably what did it, Lena thought. Sure enough, Kara made a beeline for the kitchen, bouncing on her toes excitedly.

"You made breakfast!"

Lena winced. "Not exactly, dear. I simply had it brought here."

Kara seemed undeterred. Lena could have said the food was from the lab and she probably wouldn't care.

"You're amazing and I love you so much right now." Kara hopped into a chair and started demolishing a plate of sticky buns. Lena just sort of assumed random displays of affection like that was just what Kara was like. It seemed a little early for Those Words, after all. She smiled and sat down, choosing a bowl of fruit and eating it at a far less rapid pace.

"You realize you can fly, right dear? I'm not the amazing one."

"Yeah, but I sure can't make a suit!" Lena chuckled over the image of Kara's improvised masks. 

"No, dear. No, you cannot. Please don't try ever again."

"No more paper bags. Got it. Hey, you should make me a costume for Halloween!" Kara seemed...very enthused about that idea. How could Lena refuse?

"It's a date, then. Just promise me you won't want to be a superhero. Your sister would kill me."

"So no Superman?"

Lena blanched. "NO. How about anything but that?"

Kara laughed. "You're cute when you're freaking out."

"Well, then I suppose while my attempts to get your attention were slightly aggressive they were rather well selected." Lena smiled smugly. While she would admit faking near-death situations was akin to calling the cops for no reason, she couldn't say she regretted it exactly. 

"Yeah. But please never do that again. You could have been hurt!" This statement was accompanied by the patented Kara Danvers Puppy Eyes.

"Curses, foiled again. Although I won't exactly  _need_ to ever do that again, will I? As long as I feed you, that is."

And that was proving quite the task. Kara was lucky she was rich, because feeding her was expensive. The campus dining hall must  _really_ be regretting their "unlimited food" option for meal cards. 

"I'm not going anywhere. Ever. Even if you stop feeding me. I'll always protect you. Even if maybe you don't actually need me to."

"Thank you, darling. Now, while I hate to cut this short, we have class in-Oh no."

"What? Are we late?" Not yet they weren't. And they wouldn't be if Lena had anything to say about it. 

"Darling, your class starts after mine, right?"

Kara looked slightly confused. "Yes?...."

"I have five minutes to be in my seat. I live across town. With traffic, that would be literally impossible, unless I had some SUPER fast method of transportation that was unaffected by traffic. Whatever will I do?" She hadn't even finished her statement before Kara was in her suit. "You, Kara, are my hero."  _Sam, I am so sorry for what I'm about to do._

Lena was early to class that day. However, many students working for the campus newspaper were late, having stayed in the physics quad to snap photos of Lena Luthor being flown to class four stories up. Lena could swear she could hear Sam yelling "No comment!" across campus.

* * *

 

Sam woke up with a warm mass over her side. She smiled. Had Ruby and she fallen asleep on the couch again? Weird. This felt heavier than Ruby. And also had shorter hair? But they were warm, and Sam kind of didn't want to get up  _at all._

_Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep!_

Well. Must be six am, then. She really had to get up, if only to make her alarm turn off. Her alarm, which was on her phone. Which was directly by her ear, for some reason.  _Huh._ She swore she had plugged it in? She picked it up, jabbing at the screen in the hopes of stopping the sound. The thing was fully charged, so obviously, she wasn't going crazy in regards to imagining charging it. The mystery person on top of her shifted, batting a much-paler-than-Ruby hand toward the phone. "Make it  _stop._ " Sam knew that voice. She looked down, seeing red hair between her fingers.  _Okay then._ She had fallen asleep. Alex had fallen asleep on top of her.  _Her hair is so soft._ That wasn't important right now, but could definitely be revisited later.

"Mornin' Doc! How's the head?" Sam gave her best "This Isn't Awkward At All!" smile and hoped for the best. Alex buried her face in her shoulder, away from any light source. 

" _Ugh._ What time is it?" Okay. Alex was clearly not a morning person, huh? 

"Six. If you let me up, I can make coffee?" Please,  _please_ let her ignore the situation at the promise of caffeine. 

"Mmmph. You're the one holding me in place." Sam flushed and moved her hands.  _Whoops._ That didn't cross any boundaries at  _all._

"Sorry bout that. Up you get, Doc. I have to get Ruby ready for school." Alex shifted off of her, almost falling off the couch. Sam missed the contact immediately. Her grumpy houseguest found a new perch on the couch, no longer impeding Sam's movement. She glared balefully at Sam's alarm. Sam laughed. "Stay there. I'll get you some caffeine. You can move when you feel like a human being again." Alex leaned back and groaned.

"I swear I'm better than this."

"Come on Doc, you're concussed and sleep deprived. Of course you're tired." Sam grabbed a blanket from where it had fallen on the floor and tossed it over Alex. "Be right back, Sleepyhead."

"Pthhhpt." Right. Sleepy Alex thought blowing raspberries was a method of communication.  _She better not teach Ruby that. I have already been through the "rude sounds are hilarious" phase._

As if the thought had summoned her, Ruby came bounding from her room. What Sam would give for her energy. Shepherding her daughter into the kitchen, Sam turned on the coffeemaker and started making eggs. This was Alex's second and final day of house arrest, and Sam was the first to admit she didn't exactly want her to leave.  _Would it be wrong to bribe a doctor to say she was still hurt? Probably._ Sam really, really hoped Superwoman did something dumb soon, if only so she had a reason to talk to Alex. And possibly try to ascertain if she was looking for a hot single mom in her life. 

 


	14. Everybody Hates Siobhan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you to everyone who commented. Love you all.

**National City University Herald**

**A Super and a Luthor?**

Early this morning, Lena Luthor was escorted to class by a surprising companion. Campus's Superwoman has apparently branched out from aerial rescues and into transportation services for select students. Luthor is once again unavailable for comment on her surprising new relationship. However, campus security states that "Vigilante surrender, blah blah blah. It's...None of your business. Who Lena hangs out with is none of your  **< redacted> **business, you  **< redacted> **hack! Get out of my office!" We at the paper implore the university to consider mandatory anger management training for their officers. While Officer Samantha Arias has apparently given up her investigation into the mysterious hero on campus, Maxwell Lord has other plans. "Super **< redacted> **had better watch herself. We shouldn't be dependent on the benevolence of a wrecking ball running around in a terminator suit. Luthor should watch herself." **We at the campus paper stress our neutrality in this power struggle between Lord, Luthor, Superwoman, campus security, and any other players that can be named. Please don't hurt us.**

-Article by Siobhan Smythe. **Edits by Senior Editor Clarkson.**

Well, crap. Sam was going to have to make sure Alex didn't get ahold of this paper, or Lord was dead. She leaned back in her precariously wobbling office chair and dialed the campus paper.

_"Hello, this is Editor Clarkson. How may I help you?"_

"Campus security. I want to talk to..." Sam grimaced, scrutinizing the byline on the paper. "See-oh-ban Smy-thee?" Se-ie-ob-han Sim-ith? The hack."

The woman over the line snickered.  _"Right. I'll just go get her for you."_ Sam waited, hearing a muffled " _Oi! Siobhan! You've really done it now!"_ Sam could say that yes, Siobhan definitely had. 

_"Hello, Siobhan Smythe speaking."_

"Hi. This is Officer Arias from the campus police. I have a-several. I have several complaints about your articles...You in general, to be frank."

_"I'm sorry. Freedom of the press is a constitu-"_

"Stop showing up in my office. Stop stalking my friend. Stop giving Lord attention. Comply with these requests, or I will find a way to bust you for something every single time we meet."

_"That is harassment, Officer Arias."_

"What, exactly, do you call camping out in my office yelling questions until you get a quote you can interpret, exactly?"

_"Good journalism."_

Sam smiled. "Lena Luthor has been through enough. You want a quote? Fine, call me. Keep following her and I'll be forced to practice 'Good Police Work.' You really won't like that." She slammed the receiver, looking up to see a blonde girl with glasses fidgeting in front of her desk.

"Officer Arias, may I help you?"

The girl jumped. "Hi! My name is Kara, um, Kara Danvers. I'm Alex's sister? Um, a doctor called my Mom as her emergency contact saying she was hurt,  and she's really, really mad. Alex said she was on a business trip, and then I called and she said she was staying with you, so um...Is she okay?" This was Alex's sister? Alex Danvers, apparently. Good to know. 

"Yeah, she fell...down the steps. I was making her rest. The doctor said she had to not be active for a few days." The woman looked at her like she was a saint.

"As someone who has had to deal with a sick Alex, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. She can be...yeah." Alex could be a bit "yeah." That was true. Sam couldn't quite believe the two were actually related, but if they were impressing the younger sister was a good idea.

"She's been great. She even cooked, so..." Kara...was squealing?

"That's so cute! I mean, um, nice of her. Considerate. Because that wouldn't be cute at all, because I don't know you, and she doesn't really know you, and, um...Yeah." This woman was just as bad a liar as Alex was. Maybe they were related.

"...Right. Because you know absolutely nothing about my relationship with Alex?"

"Right! She hasn't mentioned you at all!" Well, wasn't that interesting. 

"Well, that's a shame. I thought I was making an impression." Sam crossed her fingers behind her back, hoping the sister was giving off the "matchmaker" vibes Sam thought she was. 

"You are! I mean? Oh golly. Uh..." Golly? Who was this woman, in her jeans and cardigan and-hold it.

Sam was a good campus officer. She did not do anything without evidence. The facts were thus: 1-Kara was Alex's little sister, who it would be logical for Alex to want to protect and help in any shenanigans. 2-Similar librarian outfit to the woman in the paper bag after the second rescue. 3-Golly. Enough said. Lena had been in tears laughing when she told Sam about that.

This woman was totally her vigilante, wasn't she? And of course, she wasn't going to do anything about it. 

"Kara. It's fine, really. Alex is...Amazing. And you know that. And I think you probably are happy I think so too?..."

"Right!"

"And maybe want to help me out with clueing Alex into the fact that I feel that way?..."

"Ohmygod YES! Absolutely! Yes!" And-She was floating. Kara was officially floating. Sam looked pointedly at the ground, raising an eyebrow. "Oh no...Umm..."

"Danvers. Hey. Hurt Lena and Super or not I'll take you down. Also, nice job on Lord's roof. Now: Alex?"

Kara looked wary. "The paper said you wanted to catch me-the vigilante?"

"The paper is crap. Siobhan needs someone to take her job. Please, just stop damaging university property if possible. Lena will pay your bill with maintenance if you ask. If you're free, I could use your help chaperoning Homecoming. It's a mess."

"Wha-really? You're not mad? I must have caused you so many problems! And yes, I'll help! That's all I wanted to do!" Okay, obviously being adorable ran in the family.

"Yeah. It's cool. I kind of get paid to have problems. Now, please tell me your sister is less clueless when a girl likes them than you are?"

Kara's look was not encouraging. "Come on, if you're going to protect campus I should take you with me on patrol. We can talk about your sister in the car."

* * *

Lena smirked, disconnecting her bug in Sam's office. Couldn't be too careful. She knew Kara was going to crack once she saw that paper. Her girlfriend's moral compass would never allow Sam to be harassed by the campus paper long term. Privately, Lena was glad, if only because she needed Sam as one of her bridesmaids and that involved her not trying to arrest the other bride. She wanted to have her girlfriend and best friend get along. In addition, if Lord did try something she wanted all hands on deck. That included Sam's. Who had raised a valid point about Siobhan. That woman needed to be fired immediately. Hadn't Kara expressed an interest in journalism? 

* * *

 

Alex would never admit she missed Sam when she was at work. Ever. Because she totally didn't. If she speed-cleaned the entire apartment in two hours, cooked three day's worth of meals, and then spent thirty minutes staring at her phone deciding whether or not to invite her to lunch? That wasn't important at all. Because she did not miss Sam. And she was leaving today. So there! Alex huffed, sitting down on the coffee table. She was  _thrilled_ to be leaving, okay? She didn't want to live here anyway! Kara obviously had it under control, so she could go back to her apartment at any time. Which she  _was_ excited to do, she swore. And yeah, Ruby was adorable, and she'd never considered having kids but  _damn_ and Sam was just amazing... Alex really, really wished she could keep seeing Sam. She really liked her. Ad she could, couldn't she? Maxwell Lord appeared to be ready to start something. Clearly, for Kara and Lena's safety, she should stick around. And the motel was still open. She could crash there. In the meantime, she was going to remake the beds. God, she needed a drink.

 

 


	15. Emotions Exist, and Lena Starts a War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex can't compartmentalize everything all the time. That's not healthy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all my lovely commenters. I should warn you that because school is starting again updates may be less frequent than every day.

Sam walked up to her front door and almost collapsed against it. Talking to Kara was freaking exhausting. She was adorable, sure, but she was so  _excitable_ and had so many questions about laws and how to do...pretty much Sam's entire job and then some. Eventually, she had signed the forms to send Kara to training as a potential campus officer. She'd be withdrawing from the program before the combat portion so she didn't hurt anyone, but she should at least learn a bit more about "Why We Don't Enter Through The Roof." Which was good, because Lord had threatened to sue the department if Kara wasn't caught. Jerk. 

Sam opened the door, unsure whether to expect mayhem or more cleaning sprees. She got neither. Instead, she got a shirtless Alex doing pushups on her floor. Her hair was damp, and Sam had a clear view of rippling back and arm muscles.  _Holy crap._ Had she died? Was this heaven?  _She was staring. She should stop._ She kinda didn't want to stop. Huffing in defeat, Sam brought attention to her presence in the room the first way she thought of. "Looking good, Alex!"

Alex looked up in alarm. "Sam!" She gave herself a once-over and leaped to her feet. "Hey...Sorry about, um...Right. I'm gonna go change. And possibly shower."  _Do not think about Alex in the shower. **Do not.**_ Yeah, not working. Whoops. So much for mentioning her talk with Kara. Who seemed really intent on learning exactly how she felt about Alex. And about Lena's favorite...Everything, really. Kara certainly passed the "Best Friend" test. 

Sam collapsed on the couch, eyes unfocused on the door to the bathroom. She could hear the water running, and what sounded like- _Seriously?_ She cooks, she cleans, she is literally covered in muscle, and now she sings like a freaking angel. God was either testing her or trying to make up for past injustices. Sam leaned forward toward the door, listening to Alex sing quietly. Her voice reverberated through the thin walls of the apartment. Sam was swooning. 

She lost track of how long exactly she had been lying petrified on her couch, but evidently, it was long enough that when Alex waltzed into the living room in a T-shirt and athletic shorts Sam snapped out of her trance with a jolt. "You okay, Arias?" 

 _God her legs..._ Crap. "Yes! Fine! I'm wonderful. So's your sister."

Alex looked vaguely alarmed. "My sister? I don't know who you're-"

"Your sister Kara."

Alex's confused look was...shockingly accurate. She really was a decent actress after all. "I don't have a sister named Kara. Are you feeling okay?"

Okay, so the overprotective thing was kicking in. "Alex, Kara. Kara, who is dating Lena and floats when she's happy. And is an even worse liar than you."

Alex...was rapidly advancing. She slammed into Sam before she could think, yanking her off the couch and holding her at arm's length. "Listen. To. Me. No one can know about my sister. People might-"

"Alex! I told you before, I'm not saying anything. Lena would kill me, and she seems like a good kid. I let her enroll in a few training classes for the officers in de-escalation and law, and I thought you might wanna know. You know, because you're even more overprotective than I am over Ruby?" Alex was terrifying when people she loved might be in danger. The look on her face could liquify a man's bowels at fifty paces. 

Her face and grip on Sam's shoulders eventually softened. "You're not lying. I can tell." Sam relaxed. The Alex she knew and loved was back.

"No, I am not. I told you in the beginning I understood what it's like to need someone to be safe, remember? I wouldn't do that to you."  _I really wouldn't. Maxwell can sue as much as he wants._

Her arms were suddenly full of crying redhead.  _Alex is crying. How do I fix this?_ Alex's arms held onto her so tightly she could barely breathe, much less move. Not that she'd want too. Sam pulled Alex towards her, stroking her hair. "Thank you. For just...Understanding this. So few people fucking get it."

Poor Alex. Single mom-hood while alone had sucked, but there were books for that. "I'm the official protector of my alien sibling" didn't exactly come with a guide. "You're okay, Alex. I've got you."

Alex didn't reply. Clearly, the woman had been repressing the aloneness that came with her situation for a while, because she stayed in Sam's arms way longer than Sam thought she would. Eventually she pulled away, face red, eyes on the floor. She sniffed once and cleared her face into a clearly-practiced emotionless mask. "I'm very sorry. I've crashed in your home, probably broke your couch, fucked up your situation at work, and now I've brought you into my emotional baggage. Sam, I'm so sorry. You don't deserve to deal with this shit."

"Alex. Let me worry about what I deserve, okay?" Sam guided Alex to the couch, wrapping her up in a blanket. "Stay put. I'm getting ice cream. Nothing fixes crying like ice cream."

Alex unconsciously wrapped herself tighter in her cocoon, glancing up at Sam. "What about going to the doctor? I mean, you must be sick of me by now."

 _Wrong._ "This is more important. Friends don't let friends deal with deep-seated emotional stuff alone." She plunked a carton of rocky road into Alex's lap, happy to see a sliver of a smile appear on her face. She quietly began to eat her ice cream. 

"I remember when Ruby's class had career day for the first time. She came home crying, because all the other kids had multiple parents with cool jobs, and here I, just me, was working part-time as a waitress during undergrad. It sucked. I couldn't do anything to fix it for her when the other kids teased her about it, no matter how much I wanted to. Those are just normal-people problems. I can only imagine what it must have been like, for Kara. For you, trying to help her every step of the way."

"Is this a speech about letting go? Cause-"

"No. I am the mother of a small child, letting go is not in my vocabulary. But, if you need to talk about...any of the stuff you both went through, I can certainly empathize. And I have more ice cream, so..." Alex let out a weak chuckle.

"Those other kids didn't know what they were missing. You're amazing."

"So are you, Alex. I wish...I wish I had someone like you, back then. Protecting me."

Alex shucked of the top half of her blanket nest, tossing part of it around Sam's shoulders and pulling her down for a hug. "You've got me now. Anyone gives you or the kid shit and I'll have them arrested." Sam really liked that mental image. She liked the idea of Permanent Alex in general. 

"Hmm...Ruby certainly does like you. I think she may think you're even cooler than the campus Superhero." Alex puffed out her chest and adopted a lofty expression. 

"Well, I  _did_ beat up the frat boy hitting on her mom, so..." Yeah, she did. It was hot. Sam couldn't help her laughter. 

"I suppose you're not a damsel in distress after all."

Alex's resulting fist pump nearly upended the ice cream carton. "You make a pretty good knight in shining armor, though. With the tree, and head injury, and..." She gestured vaguely to the blanket and ice cream. "...emotional stuff?" 

"Well, thank you. Told you ice cream solves everything. And pancakes." Alex perked up noticeably. 

"Do I get pancakes? Please, Sam?" Well. Who could say no to that? 

"Pancakes for dinner it is!" Alex cheered. Well, Ruby'd be thrilled. Alex was staying  _and_ pancakes. If they really did seem like some Hallmark-channel family at the dinner table? Well, must be a sign.

* * *

 

Alex surveyed her list in the living room, where she'd insisted on sleeping.

**cons of mission so far:**

Alex's cover was pretty much blown.

She was living with civilians.

Kara had been outed to multiple people.

She had a (minor) concussion.

Maxwell Lord had declared war on her sister.

Maxwell Lord may be trying to manufacture Kryptonite.

Her sister was now a public figure

~~She had confusing feelings for civilians~~

**pros of mission so far**

~~Sam is amazing~~

Kara has a girlfriend

Kara is being trained (sort of)

Kara has a suit that may be Kryptonite proof

~~Sam's smile~~

~~Ruby is adorable~~

~~Pancakes~~

_Shit. Shit shit shit._ This mission was a disaster by any standard. She should extract herself. She really should. She could do that tomorrow, right? Right. She'd go to the doctor with Sam, she'd be cleared, she'd move out, she'd leave. Sam was no longer a threat. Lena could neutralize Lord. She had every reason to go and ~~two~~ no reasons to stay.  _SHIT._

* * *

Lena Luthor surveyed her handiwork in her ~~building's basement~~ secret lab. She had never really been one for weapons, but Lord had threatened her girlfriend. That meant war. The dripping of the pipes almost drowned out her cackle of glee. Taking her glorious creations, she opened the ~~back door~~ secret entrance and surveyed  ~~some overly mischievous college kids~~ her recruits. Shoving a helmet over her head to hide her face, she handed each a weapon. Marching toward the tri-dealt fraternity house in single file, Lena assured herself this really was the best. She was only going to scare Lord, not hurt him. And if it all went wrong? Lena wasn't the one who would be "taking credit" for this one. The campus paper was going to have a conniption. Sam and Kara would be thrilled with her!


	16. In Which Sam is DoneTM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena breaks a few minor laws.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support on this thing, guys.

**National City Univerity Herald**

**Campus Reporter Vandalizes Frat House**

Late last night, campus security received reports of a "guerrilla army" invading the home of Maxwell Lord. Lord has been the recipient of many property-related troubles recently. However, this one seems somewhat unprovoked. The invasion occurred at two am, wherein a "small army" of "black, armored figures with guns" invaded Lord's house and yard. The figures "threw grenades" and left large craters on the property. The alleged attackers were reported to be screaming " **< redacted> **off, you xenophobic  **< redacted>!" **among other slogans. Lord claims that "This is obviously the vigilante's doing. Catch them, you morons!" This accusation was considered by the authorities, but as the smoke cleared, the message "Smythe: 1, Lord: 0" was left on the roof of the house in spray paint. According to Campus Security, "Siobhan Smythe is currently under investigation for perpetrating the incident and is suspended from the university." We at the paper wish them well in their investigation.

-Article by Kara Danvers

Lena put down the paper and smiled. She was right, her girlfriend made an excellent journalist. And Sam seemed much happier about not being ambushed for a quote. Lord probably saw through her paint job and knew exactly who was responsible for his misfortune. Lena hoped so. He would  _not_ be bothering Kara. End of story. If she had happened to sneak into his basement, destroy his lab, and steal his notes? That was just making certain. Besides, she needed to know how to make Kryptonite more than he did...For reasons. Innocent reasons. Kara was very affectionate, and it clearly made her sad not to be able to hug people at full strength. There. That was nice and PG. And not selfish at all! 

Lena made a mental note to practice saying that in the mirror without laughing. It was going to take some work.

* * *

 

Alex was not moping. True, she was sitting in Sam's passenger seat without speaking and had been doing that for a while. But moping required being sad. And she wasn't sad! She was cleared by the doctors, she was ecstatic! She was...Brooding. Over her job. Right.

"You okay there, Alex?"  _Why was her smile so perfect?_

"Hwa?" Great. Now she couldn't talk properly.

"You seem a little...quiet." 

"I'm fine. Fine! Everything is great." _Everything was not great! She had to leave!_ Whoa. Where had  _that_ thought come from? "I guess...It was nice, ya know? Normal family, no alien craziness..."  _You._ Since when had being Sam's friend been that important to her? The last time she had been this one-sidedly dependent on anyone was with Vicky Donahue!

Sam smiled, and angels descended from the heavens.  _No. Stupid thoughts! Stop it!_ "It was pretty great to have another adult in the house. Ruby adores you." 

Alex beamed, flushing. "She's a great kid. And she's got a great mom. And a cool Aunt, if her mom wanted?..."  _Bad Alex! Stop right now!_

Sam hugged her one-handedly, still trying to drive the car. "Her mom wants. Aunt Alex is pretty awesome."

"Damn right, she is!"

Sam scoffed. "Language! You better not give Ruby your potty mouth."

Alex shrunk into her seat, remembering the "Hell yeah" incident. "Cross my heart, I'll behave."

"Good." Sam parked the car at the campus security headquarters.  _This is it. Get your bike and GO._ Alex already knew she wasn't going anywhere. She missed having friends outside of work and Kara. Maybe this was a good thing! She got out of the car, jogging to catch up with Sam and her longer stride. 

"Hey. Would you wanna...maybe get drinks later? Or something? If you didn't have plans with Ruby, or-"

Sam shoved a hand over her mouth, cutting her off. "I'd love to, Alex. Now, I believe I owe you a set of keys." Sam held them up, jangling them just out of Alex's reach.

"Uh, yeah you do. Hand em over, Arias." Alex jumped, trying to reach the keys, but all she did was slam into Sam. She dropped the car keys, grabbing Alex's hips to steady her.  _Why is my heart going this fast?_

"Sure you're okay, Alex?" Alex shifted nervously, tugging her hands off of Sam's shoulders where they had landed. 

"I'm...Really great, I promise." Sam's smile turned distinctly mischievous, and Alex wondered if that had been a good answer.

"Well, then. I happen to remember you stealing some keys of mine once upon a time..."  _Shit._ Alex dove for the keys, but Sam was already halfway there. Alex ended up on top of her, reminiscent of their fall from the tree. This time, they were far less dazed and in pain. Sam tried to flip them over, but Alex had way more combat training and wasn't budging. Triumphantly, she reached out for her keys. Sam pouted and held them out. Sam dropped the pilfered keys into Alex's open palm. Alex beamed. 

"I cannot believe you just did that!" 

"Believe it, Alex." Sam leaned forward, and Alex realized she was still sitting on top of her.  _Crap._ "See you tonight?"

Alex's mouth went dry, for some reason. "S-sure. Right. I'm just gonna..." She waved a hand in the direction of her vehicle. 

"You do that. You're teaching Ruby how to take someone down like that before she goes to college, though." Alex looked forward to it. 

* * *

Sam dropped into her seat in the cruiser. Alex had asked her out for drinks. Correction, Alex had asked her "for drinks." Sam was unsure whether it counted as a date. She wanted it to, but did Alex? She leaned up against the steering wheel. She just had to fall for an oblivious one, didn't she? Sighing, she picked up her phone and dialed.

_"Sammy! Hi! You have no proof I did it."_

What? "No proof you did  _what,_ Lena?"

_"This isn't about the vandalism or the army?"_

...The what now? "Lena Kieran Luthor, if you..."

_"So, why were you calling? I bet it was more exciting than petty larceny and some pranks."_

Sam made a mental note to peruse the campus paper for any mysterious explosions. Luthors and their explosions...

"...How do I tell if a girl asked me on a date or if she just wants t to be friends?"

_"Does she know you like her?"_

Ugh. "I've been dropping hints. So. Many. Hints. It's like she hasn't even considered it."

Lena chuckled.  _"Is she really that oblivious?"_

Sam winced. "Worse than her sister. I thought she was interested, but..." She certainly had stammered a lot when Sam had casually mentioned that she and Lena had a brief thing. Afterward, Alex had kept staring at her like a puzzle she was missing around half of. 

_"So to review: You want to date her, and she may have asked you out without knowing if she wants to date you?"_

Putting it that way, it sounded kind of nuts. "...Possibly."

She could hear Lena put the phone down.  _"Kara! I thought you said Alex liked girls!"_...Wait, what? Crap!

_"Of course she does!"_

_"Then how has she not gotten on this by now?"_

_"Pfft. She's just...In denial?"_

Lena did not sound amused.  _"You didn't think to mention that?"_

 _"...Is that going to be bad?"_ Crap. Sam had thought Alex was openly gay. She had returned the looks, and the touches, and had been so very okay with Sam being as straight as a circle that she had just...assumed. Whoops. Lena picked the phone back up.  _"You heard all of that, huh?"_

"Yup. Lena, if she doesn't see herself like that you two may need to stop it with...Whatever you're doing. She may not be gay at all."

_"Hey Kara, when was the last time your sister dated anyone seriously?"_

_"Well, there was the guy-no, she dumped him. Then the-nope, punched him. Then...Oh wow. Never, I guess?"  
_

_"There you go. Closet case. Come on. I fell for you once upon a time, she will too. Bye!"_

Kara let out an indignant squeak on the other end "Lena! Explain about the larceny. Now!" 

The receiver clicked. That hadn't been helpful at all. At least now she knew that Alex definitely hadn't meant to ask her out. Frankly, her either being in the closet or in denial would explain a lot. Or maybe she was straight, but anyone who looked that...affected by "The Devil Wears Prada" during movie night had to be a little gay. What was the protocol for this? 

Sam sighed. Alex was...amazing, both as a friend and anything else. Clearly, though, she'd have to be the one to make to make the first move or the woman would never notice Sma had feelings for her. It would be a risk, but they were both adults, and if Alex said no she could live with that. And then they could figure out exactly what Lena had been thinking when she stole...whatever she stole. 

 

 


	17. There is a Date

Lena disconnected the call with Sam, already feeling a migraine coming on. She glanced at Kara, who looked as though she'd like to sink through the floor in despondency. "I really, really didn't think it would be a big deal. I mean, she was practically swooning when she mentioned Sam to me! How could she not-Ugh."

Ugh was right. "Kara, dear, we have until Sam and Alex's not-date to help her get her head on straight." Kara snickered.  _That woman and her puns..._ "Straight may have been a poor word choice. We need to fix this."

"I could call her? She always helps me get ready for my dates, so it would be...Normal?" Lena frowned. Kara really wasn't the most argumentative person on the planet. 

"I can call Sam to volunteer us to babysit Ruby. You, go see your sister. You know her better than I do. Just...Try not to freak her out."

Kara seemed affronted. "Pfft. I would never! She's  _Alex._ Last time she freaked out she was sixteen." Lena doubted that. Anyone "super overprotective" with Kara as a sister must have had several heart attacks over her shenanigans. Lena let it go.

"Perfect. We can still salvage this!" Lena really hoped so. Kara was happy when the people she loved were happy, and Sam deserved someone like Alex. This was  _going_ to work. 

* * *

Alex was strangely nervous. She was only getting drinks with a friend, not going on a job interview. That being said, she had still tried on every article of clothing in her suitcase before settling on a pair of jeans and a leather jacket. Which was a completely normal thing to be wearing to see a friend, so why did she feel underdressed? Sighing, she stood in front of the bathroom mirror, poking at her hair with a curling iron. She wasn't sure what exactly she thought she was doing, and her hair cruelly refused to style itself. Kara's knock on her door was almost a reprieve. Almost.

"Alex! Hi!" What was Kara doing in her apartment? (Which seemed rather lonely all of a sudden.) 

"Kara? Not that I'm not happy to see you, but what exactly are you doing here?" Kara at least had the decency to look sheepish before confiscating the curling iron and flopping down on her couch.

"...I missed you?" Seriously? Her sister needed to learn to lie  _yesterday._ Maybe Lena would take care of that and she wouldn't need to call in the DEO. Director Henshaw would flip. 

"Kara. I saw you three days ago." 

"You didn't have a date three days ago!" Kara leaped up, bouncing on her heels in excitement, eyes full of hope that Alex wouldn't die alone. Alex was disappointed to have to crush her dreams, but a  _date?_ Her sweet, naive sister thought this was a date? Crap.

"Kara. I'm going out for drinks. With Sam. My friend Sam. Who is a girl?" Kara did not seem at all swayed by any of that information. In fact, she seemed delighted. 

"All good relationships start with friendship! I'm so proud of you!" Okay, that was true at least. But Kara was forgetting an important piece of the puzzle.

"Sam. Is. A. Girl." A gay girl. Not that that was any of her business. Wait, did Sam think this was a date? She had said yes. To a date with Alex. Holy crap. 

"Lena is a girl!" Yes, Lena was a girl. Who definitely had something to do with this current situation, Alex was certain.

"Kara, I'm not- Not that there's anything wrong with it! I'm just...Not? Girls. I don't date girls?" Why was that so difficult to say? It was true. Alex had never dated girls. And sure, Sam was...Gorgeous, with her smile and her hair and her amazing kid and her eyes and  _wait a minute._

"Why not?" _Why not indeed?_ Alex was maybe experiencing a bit of panic. A lot of panic. She had a date with a woman, if she wanted that. A beautiful woman who she really liked. A lot. Okay. That was...a good thing. She could do this. All she had to do was get dressed, show up, and hang out with someone she actually liked. That wasn't hard, right?

Kara was still waiting for a response. "Why not? I don't know. I may be off on a date with one now though, so that hardly matters right now." It mattered a lot, but Alex couldn't freak out while Kara was there. Kara had enough to worry about. 

"Right? What matters is getting you dressed!" Wow, Kara was enthusiastic about this. But also right. She'd figure out what to say to Sam depending on how the maybe-date went. 

* * *

Sam was really nervous. She had a possible date with a gorgeous, badass woman who already loved her kid. She did not want to mess this up. Ruby raised her head from her place flopped on Sam's bed, rolling her eyes. "You've tried on that shirt five times, mom. Alex is gonna think you look hot. Just pick one and  _go._ "

Sam hoped her daughter was right. She tossed on the shirt. "Remember-"

Ruby repeated her directions in monotone. "Auntie Lena is babysitting. Be good. I know. You've told me three times." Sam wasn't going to apologize for that. Lena tended to be a well-meaning but easily manipulated sitter, and last time she had nearly bought Ruby a kitten. The time before that it was a car. God, she had weird friends. 

Sam gave herself one final inspection. If Alex asked, the shirt had shrunk in the wash. She wasn't wearing super tight clothing on purpose at all. And if she happened to look really good in it? Oh well. She waltzed out the door, spring in her step and internal panic attack raging. 

She arrived at the bar before Alex and whistled. This did not look like a cheap college bar.  _How much was the government paying Alex, exactly?_ She sat down at the bar and ordered, wincing slightly at the cost. She was still trying to pay for her date, though. Chivalry and all. Alex arrived a few minutes later. She looked fantastic in leather. She looked fantastic in anything, but Sam was digging the biker chick look. 

Alex strutted over to the stool next to her, smiling nervously. That was a good sign. Nerves tended not to be a thing on platonic friendly outings. They fell into easy conversation, centered around collegiate idiocy and their mutual friends. Over Alex's shoulder, Sam saw something that nearly caused her to fall off her stool. 

"You okay, Arias?" Sam straightened, nodding.

"Alex. I need to carefully look behind you and tell me I'm not seeing what I think I'm seeing." Confused, Alex complied. 

She _did_ fall off her stool. "Whoa, easy Alex. Can't have you hurting your head so soon."

Alex ignored her teasing. "What are  _they_ doing here?" That summed up Sam's thoughts pretty well.

"I have no idea. When Lena volunteered to babysit with Kara, I really didn't think this is what they meant." Outside the bar, three figures with binoculars sat in a parked car, peering through the window. It was clearly Lena's vehicle, and Sam was torn between laughing and murdering her friend.

Alex snorted. "I can't believe this crap. Don't suppose you want to leave out the back and...go literally anywhere else, preferably without windows?" Yeah. Yeah, she did. 

"C'mon. I know just the place." She and Alex sprinted toward the fire exit after hastily leaving cash on the bar. Leaving their rides, they snuck through an ally, giggling madly. At some point, they had started holding hands. In other words, the date was going great. Panting and still laughing uproariously, the pair stopped at the entrance of a small diner. Sam smiled. "They serve the best burgers in National City. And also have window blinds." 

"Perfect. I am so, so sorry about my sister basically kidnapping your kid to spy on us. She's...not usually like this?"

"No, but Lena is, so we better get used to it. So is Ruby, really." God, why was she friends with Lena again?

"Is it too late to break them up?" Alex smirked, clearly already knowing the answer. Sam yanked open the diner door, waiting for Alex to enter. For reasons other than staring at her figure in the jeans she was wearing. Obviously. 

They were seated almost immediately. Sam knew the waitress on duty, who gave her a thumbs up after seeing Alex. Upon reaching their table, they were temporarily stopped short. While the two retro booths could hypothetically fit four people, one of them had clearly seen better days. Glancing at each other briefly, Sam and Alex crammed into the remaining booth. It was a bit too small for two humans, but Sam didn't find herself minding Alex being practically in her lap. To her delight, Alex seemed...Open to the situation, leaning against Sam's side with a wry smile. Sam made a mental note to leave the waitress who had seated them a substantial tip. 

* * *

Alex had decided that this was indeed a date. Sam looked stunning, and she was incredibly easy to talk to, and being pressed against her like they were was really nice. So yeah, it was a date. It had taken all of five minuted into sitting for Sam to drop an arm over her shoulders, bringing them closer together. She was surprisingly unopposed to the contact, which was new. She wasn't usually a touchy person, Kara being the exception. 

Sam was right, the burgers here were amazing. Alex still wasn't paying much attention to her food. Sam was laughing at something she'd said (and she totally forgot what it had been, but whatever) and the world was at peace. "I'm not sure if I forgot to mention how gorgeous you look tonight, Alex."

Well, there it was. They were entering some distinctly un-platonic territory. "You too! With the shirt and your eyes, and..." she trailed off, blushing.  _Smooth, Danvers._ Sam grinned. Alex was unsure if she wanted to slug her or...

She considered it about two seconds before deciding she preferred "or." 

"Sam. Is this a date?"

Sam raised an eyebrow. "You asked me. Traditionally, it's your call." Okay, so Sam wasn't going to make this easy. 

"This is a date?" Alex said experimentally. Sam nodded.

"Thank God. I was going to say something, I swear, but..."

Alex did slug her this time. "Jerk." 

"The jerk you're on a date with." That was entirely true. However, the jerk was distracted by teasing her. Sneakily, Alex flagged down the waitress and passed her a credit card. When you asked someone out you were supposed to pay, right? Sam didn't appear to agree. "I saw that, Alex."

Alex grinned smugly up at her. "So? You were too slow to stop me." She stuck out her tongue for good measure. Sam was staring at her, looking torn between laughter and eye-rolling. She leaned into Alex's space and jabbed a finger into her side. Alex let out a very un-agently shriek. "Stop it! I am going to kill you!"

Sam did not look like she planned on stopping. "Ticklish much?" Alex shook her head unconvincingly. She was saved by the waitress arriving with her card. Signing the check with a flourish, she gave Sam a smirk.

"You can pay next time." Was that being presumptuous?

"It's a date." Hell yes, it was! "Where did you park? As a security official, it would be gross professional negligence to let you walk back alone." Sam opened the door to the diner and held out her hand. She really was too adorable. 

Alex scoffed but grabbed on to the proffered hand. Inching out of the restaurant, they were relieved to see Lena and Co. must have returned to Sam's apartment. They walked slowly back to Alex's bike. Both parties were evidently stalling quite a bit, but they did eventually reach it.

"So. I guess this is me."

"That it is." Sam gave her an appraising look. "You look so awesome on that thing." Alex grinned and started her engine. The bike roared to life. Sam was still close. Alex could have reached out and grabbed her if she wanted to.

That was exactly what she did. Yanking on Sam's collar, she quickly pressed her lips against Sam's, praying that she wasn't ruining everything. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	18. Ruby Is Scarred For Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date Aftermath

From their position behind a random car, Lena and Co. cheered silently. Silently, because if this somehow got ruined someone was going to die. Lena would admit that bringing Ruby to spy on her mom was probably not the smartest thing she had ever done, but Ruby was almost as hard to say no to as Kara. She was only human! Thankfully, her girlfriend wasn't, or they would never have tracked down the lovebirds. Who were really disgustingly adorable. Beside her, her companions appeared to think they were merely disgusting. Kara looked like she was about to vomit, as did Ruby. Maybe watching your siblings and parents on a date was a horrible idea?

In the distance, Alex and Sam broke apart. This was a make-or-break moment. Sam said something, and Alex ducked her head in embarrassment.  _Please don't let her screw this up._ They were both smiling, so Lena assumed whatever Sam's comment was had gone over well. She hoped Alex got a move on soon. Crouching behind a sedan with two other people was really quite uncomfortable. And dirty. 

Through her binoculars (which were not strictly necessary at this distance but were still being used "Because that's what spies do" - Ruby and "They're so cool, Lee!" -Kara. Lena was a pushover for her girls.) Lena could see the two women awkwardly trying to talk at once, saying who-knew-what. Kara knew, because of super hearing. But she was rudely not sharing that information. Sam lay a hand on Alex's shoulder, and the shorter woman thankfully made no move to remove it. Alex leaned against her bike, Sam gradually getting deeper into her personal space. Lena dropped a hand in front of Ruby's eyes just as another kiss was initiated. Lena worried they were going to knock the bike over, but thankfully its structural integrity prevailed. Finally, a giddy Alex put on her helmet and drove off, leaving a glowing Sam frozen in the parking lot. Eventually, she snapped out of her stupor and leaped into the air, fist pumping above her head. It was a very embarrassing mom-thing to see, but still better than Lena's attempt at a victory dance, so she really couldn't judge. 

Sam began moving toward the original bar, where Lena realized both of their cars were parked.  _Shit._ Sam totally saw them, but she clearly thought they had left. Lena had no intention of shattering that illusion. Ruby clearly followed her same train of thought. 

"Quick! Everybody MOVE!"

They obeyed, ducking through dingy allies and sprinting as fast as possible. Kara had picked Ruby up to carry her on her shoulders, increasing their pace dramatically. Ruby whooped, and Lena's heart melted a bit. She had such an awesome girlfriend... They got to the car before Sam, who was most likely walking rather slowly in a post-kiss haze. Lena tore down the street, skidding around corners and screeching through yellow lights. Students screamed, diving out of her way. Lena Luthor's driving habits were well-known around campus. She had very nearly acquired several human hood ornaments during her years at the university, and no one was eager to be the first.

They made it across town to Sam's apartment in under three minutes. Ruby was slightly green, and Kara was looking at her like she was a potentially rabid animal. "We're here!" Lena cheerfully noted. Her passengers dived out of the car, Ruby going as far as to kiss the grass. Lena sighed. "My driving is  _not_ that bad."

"YES IT IS!" roared her ex-friends in unison. For someone with superspeed, Kara sure was easy to terrify. 

"Don't you have a driver anyway?" Ruby made a valid point there, but one did not employ their perfectly innocent driver on a stakeout with a young, sort-of-kidnapped child and a super. It just wasn't done.

"It's Lucas's day off. Now, everyone into the house before Sam gets here." They ran through the complex's lobby and up the stairs, skidding to a halt before Sam's door. Fumbling with the keys, it was several tension-filled moments before Lena finally got the door open long enough for everyone to enter, before slamming it shut and locking it. "There. She can't get us now." It was said with a smile, but the sentiment was...Blatantly false. Angry Sam was terrifying. The room exploded into tense giggles. The idea that a lock would stop Officer Arias from getting to her kid...That was a good one!

"Well guys, Ruby's mom can't kill us now, because she needs us there for her and Alex's wedding! So there." Lena hoped Kara was right, because if Sam wasn't too distracted to remember them crashing her date, they were all dead.

* * *

 

 The kiss lasted only a few seconds before Alex pulled away.  _Please let that have been okay..._ When she finally gathered the courage to look up, Sam was still standing there, smirking. She stepped forward, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Anyone mention you look good in pink, Alex?" Sam motioned to the blush currently adorning her face. Alex was torn between mortification and joy that she hadn't been slapped or something. Ducking her head, she tried desperately to collect herself. There was a pause.  _Say something. Anything, dammit!_

"...So. Am I gonna get the shovel talk from your kid?-"

"-Do you maybe want to have dinner on Friday?"

Both questions were said at once. There was a moment of intense awkward before Alex realized she had just been asked out. "Um...Yeah. I mean, yes, I'd love to, I swear I'm not usually-"

"-It's fine. And yes, Ruby'll probably...Ugh"

Alex smiled nervously. She didn't usually do the whole romantic goodbye thing. Or the dating thing.  _What was she supposed to do? Was Sam that close two seconds ago?_ No, she wasn't. Her hand had drifted from Alex's should to the back of her neck, and the other had found a place around her waist.  _Ah._ This bit made sense, at least. Sam pulled her close, leaving plenty of opportunities to leap onto her bike and head for the hills. That wasn't something she really felt like doing. Alex threw her arms around Sam's neck, fingers running through her hair. Sam pulled her into a bruising kiss.  _Okay. This is fucking awesome._ Sam's tongue was in her mouth, and she felt like she was drunk, except this was one occasion where she absolutely did not want alcohol. Sam felt wonderful pressed against her. They unconsciously moved backward, eventually bumping into Alex's motorbike. She was pinned against it, Sam holding onto her tightly, and it was the greatest thing ever.  _Definitely gay then. Okay._ Alex moaned and regretfully pulled away, suddenly very cognizant of the fact they were in public. Ugh.

She grinned at Sam, pulling her helmet over her head, and hopped onto the bike. Sam blew her a kiss and waved. Alex turned away in an effort not to get distracted and crash the bike. Because Sam was amazing. And had kissed her. And wanted to go on a second date with her. Holy crap. Okay then. She was just gonna...Go home. Take a cold shower. And then google how to get even with date-crashing siblings. That was exactly right.

* * *

 

 Sam turned around, slightly dazed.  _Well, that went really well!_  She careened wildly through the parking lot, laughing out of sheer relief that the date wasn't a complete disaster. She walked slowly back toward her car, mentally dissecting the evening. Alex was...amazing. And a really good kisser for someone whose sister claimed she had never had a serious relationship and was so far in the closet she was the Queen of Narnia. Yeah, the night had gone extremely well in contrast to how it  _might_ have gone.

Pausing to fix her hair in the reflection of a shop window, she realized that one aspect of the night  _had_ been less-than-perfect, and the perpetrators were in her apartment. Marching purposefully toward her car, she considered texting them a warning but then decided to let the stew a bit. Making her way through Main Street, she cataloged many new tire tracks on the road with alarm.  _Had someone been drag racing?_ Students looked shell-shocked on the side of the road, removing themselves from bushes they had dived into.  _What the-LENA!_ No one drove as recklessly as the youngest Luthor. She claimed she drove like someone who thought they were going to die young anyway, but Sam thought it was a case of I-Have-A-Driver-For-A-Reason. That reason was avoiding a lawsuit.

Parking next to her apartment building, Sam purposefully strode up the stairs. She leaned against her apartment door, hearing hushed giggles. Unlocking it quietly, she flung the door open, to see...Lena, Kara, and Ruby angelically sleeping on the couch.  _Right._

"I know you're awake." Nothing. "Where'd you get the binoculars?" No reaction.  _If that's how they want to play it..._

Sam hauled the blanket off the three "sleeping" women. She then vaulted onto the couch, landing on top of her daughter and houseguests. Lena screamed. Kara screamed. Ruby was used to this level of shenanigans and whacked her with a pillow. "Do you have anything to say for yourselves?" Lena and Ruby, used to Mom Sam, said nothing and did their best to look apologetic. 

Kara attack-hugged her instead.  _What the-_ "I'm so excited for you! And Alex! It's perfect, first, you were trying to sabotage each other and now you're in  _love_ and eeeeeeeeee!"  _In love?_ It was a little early for that. A lot early, actually. Sam did her best to peel Kara off of her, but the woman had a death grip.

"Lena. Help. Please. Can't. Breathe." Lena snickered.  _Rude._ Finally, she leisurely rose from her throne on the couch and turned to Ruby. Sam knew that look.  _Uh oh._

"Kara's right. GROUP HUG!" She and Ruby dive-bombed the duo in the center of the living room. Kara managed to keep them upright (Super strength had its benefits, Sam supposed.) Eventually, Sam accepted her fate. Laughing, she shoved Lena back onto the couch, who stared at her in fake affront. She scooped Ruby into her arms and wriggled her way out of Kara's embrace.

"Yes, fine, everything is wonderful. You are still in huge trouble, you three!"

The three delinquents in her living room shared a look. Flopping onto the couch side by side, they all gave their best pleading expressions. Sam stood her ground. Correction, she stood her ground for three seconds then folded like a cheap deck of cards. "Fine. I forgive you. A little." Lena and Kara high-fived and scurried out the door while they had a chance. "You. Bedtime. Now. And stop tricking Lena into doing these things for you!" Ruby huffed but marched off to her bedroom.  _Thank God she likes Alex._ She pulled out her phone. 

**_I had a lot of fun tonight. See you Friday :)_ **

Pressing send, she started straightening up the house in the wake of the three children that had trashed the place. She and Alex had been together for a day, but it seemed like between the two of them they had three kids already. Alex was lucky she was adorable.

 

 

 


	19. Awful Flirting Occurs

Alex collapsed onto her bed, wincing as it creaked in protest. Google had been less than helpful on how to solve the problem of her sister. Threading her fingers through her hair, she sighed.  _Why. Why did her family have to be-Shit. Her family._ Eliza wasn't exactly aware of this new development, was she? Eliza wasn't aware of anything except that she "fell down some stairs" while "visiting Kara." Since then, Alex had received over thirteen calls about whether or not she needed Eliza to come to visit her. Which would be a disaster, because no way could Alex hide all the new stuff in her life from her mom in person.

While it was certainly cowardly not to, Alex was in no mood to pick up the phone and tell her mom "So. Kara's gone public as a Superhero, I'm helping her, she's dating a Luthor who is also helping, I'm dating a single mom who is obstructing justice for us and I think I might be gay. How's work?" That wouldn't go over well at all.  _Sometimes being the older sister sucked._ Resigned to her fate, she picked up her phone.

_**vrrp!** _

**Sam Arias: I had fun tonight. See you Friday :)**

...Maybe calling her mom could wait? 

* * *

_**vrrp!** _

Sam paused in her cleaning. She plopped onto the couch and picked up her phone, hoping it was from Alex.

**Dr. Badass: Me too. See you Friday, or the next Super Incident I guess. How grounded is Ruby?**

Sam smiled. Maybe Kara could help her "investigate" the person who trashed Maxwell Lord's place? She had a feeling she knew exactly who did it, but still...

**Sam Arias: Ruby is grounded until she's thirty. She and Lena are horrible influences on each other! :0**

**Dr. Badass: ...I actually think this might have been Kara's suggestion. Spying on people "for journalism" is kind of her thing.**

**Sam Arias: ...She did seem rather excited about us.**

**Dr. Badass: Attack hugs and squealing?**

**Sam Arias: Yup. And then Lena and Ruby copied her. We should separate them immediately!**

**Dr. Badass: ...They're learning from each other. This is bad.**

Images of Ruby leaving tire tracks as she drove, Kara causing explosions "for reasons," Lena sneaking around ambushing people flashed through her head.  _Oh dear._

**Sam Arias: At least I get you out of the whole thing. ;)**

There was a very long pause. Sam could see Alex start and stop typing several times.  _Was that too much? She didn't want to scare the woman off now that everything was going so well._

**Dr. Badass: Yeah, guess you're lucky you have a cute kid.**

**Dr. Badass: In all seriousness though, I'm not going anywhere. I really like you.**

Thank God. 

**Sam Arias: I really like you too, Alex. I'm glad my two children didn't scare you off.**

**Dr. Badass: Same here. God, my mom always wanted me to have kids, but wow.**

**Sam Arias: Eh. We could do worse than a Kryptonian, an overgrown child, and Ruby.**

* * *

 

 Lying in bed, Alex smirked.  _She could definitely do worse, family-wise._

**I don't think there's anything "better" out there.**

She hit send after a moment. She really, really meant that. The family she could potentially have with Sam was not exactly what she had been planning for, but she was all in.

**I think you're right. Goodnight, gorgeous.**

Well, that was a new one. Alex could tell she was blushing heavily, and was very happy Sam wasn't there to see it. Not that she didn't want Sam with her, because she did. A lot.  _Crap._

**Goodnight, Sam.**

She tossed the phone down. She needed to call Eliza. Coming out as...Coming out would have been one thing. But Kara was a hero now, and was dating, and crazy frat boys were attacking her in the school newspaper. Everything was a mess. A wonderful, amazing mess to which she didn't want to add any moving parts, and what was wrong with being happy for once. She could be happy, couldn't she?

Decision made, she powered off the phone. Any announcements could be handled over Thanksgiving break. It was coming up anyway. Images of Thanksgiving with Sam intruded into her brooding.  _Yes, okay! I like Sam! Stop it already._ The problem with telling off your thoughts is they rarely listen. A secondary problem is when you are trying not to fixate on something, it tends to come back in the most distracting way possible. Thanksgiving with Sam became living with Sam became...Other, less appropriate things with Sam.  _Crap._ It's not that she didn't want to think about All That, it's just...She had no idea how to handle this crap and it was freaking her out, okay? Shit. Alex stuffed her pillow over her head and grit her teeth. She could do this. She was going to go to sleep, and think non-perverted thoughts, and be professional till Friday. She really was.

It was four a.m, and her subconsciousness had evidently not gotten the memo about "appropriate thoughts." Her dreams danced through her brain, taunting her with images of Sam in her uniform, Sam without her uniform or much else, kissing Sam, touching Sam...Appropriate was the opposite of what was going on in her head. Alex had given up.  _Fine. Her brain could do whatever it wanted. It wasn't affecting her at all! She was going back to sleep, and whatever she dreamed about would be ignored in the morning!_

The mental image of Sam in the shower was not ignored in the morning. Alex accepted that. It was refusing to be ignored in the morning, and she was just going to have to live her life in a constant state of arousal and distraction or die. 

* * *

 

Lena collapsed into uncontrollable laughter the second she made it out of Sam's apartment, Kara on her heels. In hysterics, they made the descent to the parking lot to go get her car. Once it got into view, Kara sped from behind her to the driver's side in seconds flat. Lena rolled her eyes and reached for her car keys, only to discover they were no longer there. Also, Kara was in her car.

"Kara. Get out of the driver's seat." Kara stared resolutely ahead. Lena marched over and tried to tug her out, but a woman in high heels cannot exert more force than a stubborn Kryptonian. She already knew that, but pride dictated she had to try anyway.

"I'm a superhero, Lena. I protect people. And the students of this university need to be protected from your driving!" Right, then. Time for a different approach.

"Kara, darling, Sam has been saying that for years." She ran a hand over Kara's arm in a gesture that could be seen as pacifying.

Kara grinned sheepishly. "Sam has been right for years, then. I know this is technically your car, but Lena, come on. You could get hurt." Protective Kara was one of her weak spots. A very large one. She sighed. 

"Fine, but I demand the record state that you basically carjacked me, and I demand recompense." Kara nodded, pleased she had gotten her way, and Lena primly sat in the passenger seat. Kara started the car, heading toward Lena's apartment, and Lena trailed a hand from her shoulder to her hip.

"Lee? What are you-Hey!"

Lena smirked. "Am I distracting you?"

Kara nodded. "It's not safe, Lee. Just...Let me drive you home, and then...yeah."

 _Her girlfriend was adorable._ Lena removed her hand from Kara's person, stretching out so her shirt rode down slightly. Her neckline was already bordering on indecent, and the small action put her distinctly in "flashing the driver" territory. Kara flushed, clearly determined to keep her eyes on the road and ignore her girlfriend. Still, they were suddenly going much higher than the speed limit and Kara's face was red enough to be a tomato. Lena would count that as a win. 

They arrived at her apartment rather quickly after that. After checking to make sure no one from the campus paper was staking out her house (Siobhan Smythe had a lot to answer for and deserved her suspension.) they made their way toward Lena's door. She walked deliberately slowly, swaying her hips behind her. Maybe it was a bit cruel, but really, Kara was so cute when she got all blushing and hormonal. She was puzzled to hear a slight growl behind her.

She felt Kara scoop her up, and then they were inside her apartment. "Superspeed is cheating, dear."

Kara looked up at her, incredulous. "So is what you did in the car." Her girlfriend had a point. 

"I'll admit, I may have misbehaved slightly. How can I make it up to you?" She got her answer seconds later, Kara's lips pressed against hers and her back to her door. Her hands drifted below Kara's shirt, running over toned abs. A loud ripping sound filled the air.

Kara leaped away from her, embarrassedly holding up a piece of what used to be Lena's shirt. "I'm so sorry this keeps happening, Lee! I just-"

"-Get distracted. I know, dear. I'm working on a solution." She really was. Kryptonite would have been easiest, but it caused sickness as well as weakness, and that would be no fun at all. She was currently trying to find a way to mimic the rays of a red sun, but it was taking a while. "Don't worry about it, Kara. If I can afford to feed you, I can buy a new shirt."

Kara flushed. "I know. And I know you'll figure it out, cause you're super smart, I just...I'm worried I'll hurt you?" Well, that was sweet. Killing her libido, but sweet. 

"I'll be fine. Promise." Kara did not look convinced. "...You have a point. Movie and ice cream instead?" She knew they had been babysitting Ruby for hours, but she didn't want to call it a night just yet. Or ever, frankly. If Kara stayed long enough, Lena was able to fall asleep in her arms, which was wonderful. Kara was totally onto her but had yet to object.

"...The non-vegan kind?"

Internally, Lena cheered. "Yes, the non-vegan kind. But vegan ice cream is-"

"No. It really isn't." They settled on the couch under a mountain of blankets, Lena leaning against Kara. It was silly, but she felt safe with her like this. If anyone of Lex's or her mom's wanted to get to her, they had to get through an enraged Kryptonian first. Who was currently the best space heater Lena had ever had, so it was just generally an awesome situation. It took about three episodes of One Day At A Time for Lena to be out cold, Kara following soon after.

 

 


	20. Kara Acquires A Toddler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So school for me starts tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Lena woke up in her bed, blanketless but still incredibly warm. She had evidently decided Kara was her new pillow at some point during the night, her head on Kara's chest and Kara's arms around her waist. It was quite lovely. She shifted, reaching for her phone, but Kara held her fast. She huffed in her sleep, pulling Lena closer.  _The phone could wait._ She relaxed into the firm embrace, hands sifting through strands of Kara's hair. She was so very beautiful like this. It really would be a shame to wake her, but Lena was well aware at this point that if Kara was grabbing onto something it was quite impossible to get it out of her hands against her will.

"Kara. Kar-ah. You need to wake up, dear." Kara responded to this (perfectly reasonable) request by flopping over onto her stomach, pinning Lena underneath her and severely testing her resolve to get up on time. But it was Thursday, and they both had class, and clearly, it was up to Lena to be the responsible adult. "Kara! It's morning. You need to let go of me."

"D'wanna. Go back t'sleep Lee." Tempting. But classes and labs waited for no woman, and she really needed to get up. Kara nuzzled into her hair, moaning softly. Her tank top rode up, leaving vast expanses of toned abs against Lena's hands.  _Maybe getting up would just be a gradual process today._ "Kara. At least open your eyes." Kara did no such thing, instead grabbing Lena's long-abandoned pillow and stuffing it over her face. "Kara Danvers! Up and at em!"

The pillow groaned at her. Lena sighed, knowing that trying to remove it from her girlfriend's face would be an exercise in futility. She trailed a hand over Kara's biceps, gradually working her way out from underneath her. Freedom was metaphorically close at hand until a literal hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. "You're warm. Come baaaack." Lena internally requested that the record state that she really, really had tried here. She hadn't put her hands anywhere bad. She hadn't given in and decided class could screw itself for the day. She had been very good. Her good behavior had its limits. 

"Kara, darling, I said you had to wake up, not get up." She sat down on the bed, leaning against Kara's torso in a manner that would make it very uncomfortable to try to sleep.

"...H'wah?" Sleepy Kara was so cute... 

"I can't kiss you if you're unconscious, which means you need to wake up. Just open your eyes and- _mmph!_ " Well, then. Kara was awake, at least. Awake, and yanking Lena by her hips to straddle her, and maybe Lena hadn't thought this through completely.

It took Lena roughly thirty minutes to disengage from the amorous Kryptonian. Thirty very enjoyable but very unplanned minutes. Eventually, yelling "I ordered Cinnabon!" while using a recovered sheet to cover most of her cleavage allowed Kara to return to the land of those not completely controlled by their hormones. By the time Bill the Not-Pizza delivery guy showed up, they were mostly decent, and Lena made a mental note to order more concealer. Eventually, Sam texted Kara about a car crash that needed to be removed from an intersection, and she regretfully got into costume and flew out the window. Lena leisurely cleaned up the remains of forty-two boxes of cinnamon rolls. Tossing on her only pair of jeans and a stolen sweatshirt of Kara's, she made her way from her apartment to her secret lab that in the basement, ready to hopefully solve the problem of Kara's strength for good. Thank goodness her landlord wasn't the curious sort...

Upon entry, she noticed something was off. Her booby traps had been disengaged, snarky post-its left on their activators encouraging her to "be more creative, Luthor!" or "Put this one AFTER the flamethrower!" That wasn't a very good sign. Whoever had broken in hadn't taken anything. They had, however, left a rather large package on her desk, wrapped in Superman paper. Was it dangerous? A big posterboard behind it read "Don't freak out! It's Alex!" Was it really, though? Obviously, tests would have to be run.

From her spot behind her self-made barricade, Lena fastened her goggles. The box was still sitting unobtrusively on her desk, mocking her. The Geiger counter detected no radiation, the x-rays had shown it was some kind of large, solid, irregularly-shaped mass (really helpful), and the thermal scans had informed her that it wasn't generating any heat. It was like someone had wrapped a rock or something, which meant less scientific tests were called for. Which brought Lena to her current position, covered in an early prototype of Kara's armor, holding a meter stick. She cued it up like she would for a game of pool over the edge of the barricade, and launched it. It hit the box with a solid thunk. The box didn't move. Nothing exploded. Nothing happened except there was now a stick on her floor. In a fit of impatience and youthful recklessness, Lena approached the box and ripped it open, reasonably sure this was Alex Danver's idea of a joke. Inside was a dark red rock the size of her head.  _What the?..._ Halfway beneath it was another post-it. "You know what to do with this. Don't ask where I got it. I want no details of what you and my sister do with it." 

Well then. Lena hefted the rock out of the box. The light of her lab shone through it, leaving a patch of red light on the floor.  _All this for red light-Red light. Red light!_ Lena put the rock on the table, stumbling in her impractical heels to fetch her light spectrometer. Sure enough, the light shone through the rock was on the same spectrum as that from a red sun.  _Thank you, Alex!_ If she didn't have to synthesize the rock herself, she could have this thing finished in an hour. Lena made a mental note to buy Alex a really awesome Christmas present, and stick to the instruction of giving her zero details. 

* * *

Alex left Lena's complex whistling. Maybe it was cruel to leave all those notes, but it really was to help improve her security. At least, that's what she'd tell Kara. Messing with your sibling's dates was a time-honored tradition, and Alex was pretty sure Lena would forgive her once she figured out her present. Director Henshaw was surprisingly willing to give her a sample after she explained she wanted it to prevent Kara from accidentally hurting civilians. He had seemed dubious, but as long as he couldn't read minds everything would be fine. And technically, Kara accidentally hurting a specific civilian is why they needed the damn rock, so technically she wasn't even lying. 

Alex strolled back to the campus security headquarters where she had parked her bike. Because it was nearby, always empty, and Sam wouldn't give her a ticket probably. No other reason. If she happened to see Sam, that was a _complete coincidence_.

In the middle of the sidewalk, she did not see Sam. Instead, she saw Maxwell Lord waving goodbye to a group of flunkeys, whose departure was hastened when he left their company to approach her.  _Crap._ "Alex! I haven't seen you since my party. If you're not careful, I'm going to think you've been avoiding me." She hated how overconfident some grad students got in the presence of college students. Lord preened as his followers nudged each other and guffawed. How drunk did one have to be to forget a woman beat the shit out of you for hitting on her? Alex stuck her hands into the pockets of  ~~Sam's~~ her jacket, urging herself not to punch him.

"It's Doctor Danvers to you. And I have been. Move. Now." Simple and to the point. He'd have to be a complete imbecile not to figure it out. 

Lord stepped forward, getting far into Alex's personal space. Apparently, he was an imbecile, then. "Alex. I just want to talk to you. There's no need to play coy." He held out his arm in a traditional "walk with me" gesture, smiling in a way Alex was certain he thought was seductive.  _Ew, eww, and once again for good measure, EEEW!_ Alex shoved past Lord, picking up her pace. It was two hundred feet to her bike. Two hundred feet she had to avoid assaulting a civilian while traversing. She could do this.

"Alex. Surely you can see how dangerous she could be? We both want to protect people. You should work with me."

_One hundred and fifty feet._

"Come on. You must realize how her power could wipe us out if she felt like it."

_One hundred feet._

"We could do amazing things if we worked together. I was impressed by your stunt at the party. You have guts, Alex."

_Fifty feet._

"I'm not interested. In any of it. Please stop following me."

_Twenty-five feet._

"You know how to take her down, I can tell."

"Your village must be missing their idiot, I can tell. Fuck off, Lord."

_Ten goddamn feet._

A hand grabbed her shoulder. Lord spun her around, smirking like he had every right to do so if he wanted. Alex knew what was going to happen before it did. In her defense, Alex had had it. She was done. And so as her fist flew through the air toward Lord's pompous face, she really didn't regret her actions. 

Lord's face, along with the rest of him, ascended rapidly into the air before Alex could make the hit.  _What the?..._ A woman in a black catsuit hovered above her holding Lord by his belt. Alex waved. "Superwoman. How was traffic duty?"

The woman in the catsuit shook her head. "Campus security deserves more money. Morning drivers are so mean!" Her sister was so adorable. 

"If they weren't so full of road rage, they wouldn't need you to remove their totaled cars from the highway." Alex nodded toward Lord, rapidly trying to remove the belt keeping him in Kara's arms. "What, exactly, are you going to do with him?"

She could sense Kara's grin. She dropped Lord slightly as the belt gave way, catching him under his arms like a grumpy toddler with its pants around its ankles. "I'm going to put him in time-out."  _...Okay then._

Alex tuned out Lord's rage-filled shouting. "You're going to put him in time-out?"

Kara nodded decisively. "Yup. Cause that's what you do when kids throw temper tantrums. You put them in time-out." Alex had no argument for that. She gave Kara a salute and grabbed her helmet as she and her passenger ascended. It was a shame she hadn't run into Sam, but this worked too. 

**_vrrp!_ **

**_Sam Arias: ...Did Superwoman abduct a grad student right outside my office? Because there is no way I can just turn a blind eye to that._ **

**_Dr. Badass: she put him in time out_ **

**_Sam Arias: ...She put him in time out?_ **

**_Dr. Badass: yeah, like a toddler._ **

**_Sam Arias: Still kidnapping._ **

**_Dr. Badass:  why r u working? rnt u supposed 2 be on ur lunch break?_ **

**_Sam Arias: Possibly. Not that he didn't deserve it, but I'm going to have to report that._ **

**_Dr. Badass: not if u werent in the office. come 2 lunch with me, my treat._ **

**_Sam Arias: Are you bribing an officer?_ **

**_Dr. Badass: is it wrking?_ **

**_Sam Arias: Maybe._ **

* * *

 

Sam exited the office still in her uniform. Alex was waiting for her, grinning widely.  _Was that her old jacket she was wearing?_ She looked good in it and was looking smug enough to have kidnapped Lord herself. She leaned against her bike, almost daring Sam to mention the jacket. 

"Hey, Alex. You driving?" Alex looked mildly confused. Sam decided to elaborate, smirking. "As an officer, I can't exactly be driving around off duty in the cruiser, can I? I'd have to arrest myself for misuse of university property." And she wanted to ride Alex's motorbike. Sue her. 

Alex did not look fooled, but she tossed her a helmet. "Well, can't have you getting in trouble with your boss. Hop on, babe." Sam gingerly sat on the bike, wrapping her arms around Alex's midriff. Alex gunned the engine and they were off. 

Sam really liked motorcycles. She knew it was a bad influence for Ruby, but being wrapped around Alex while traveling at high speeds was possibly her new favorite thing. Up there with kissing Alex and wrestling over silly things with Alex and being with Alex and... _Okay, so she has it bad._ Alex parked the bike in front of campus's most popular diner and removed her helmet, grinning mischievously. "What do you think?"

Sam chucked her helmet at Alex, who caught it nimbly, sticking her tongue out. "That was awesome. And wildly unsafe. But still awesome." Alex smiled at her, eyes twinkling. She put her arm around Sam's waist and pulled her close, kissing her on the cheek. Sam placed a kiss of her own on Alex's forehead, grabbing the door to the diner and holding it open. "After you, babe." Alex rolled her eyes and entered. The hostess of the restaurant grinned as she saw their campus security jackets, ushering them to a newly vacated table at the back. The students waiting in line for service protested loudly.

"Sorry folks. The people who drag your drunk asses outa here every damn night get to sit first." Alex raised an eyebrow, and Sam shrugged. Drunk kids did not polite patrons make. She was in here so often they ought to charge her rent or give her free food. They collapsed onto the booth across from each other, other patrons staring at them resentfully. Sam smirked and dropped her long legs into Alex's lap, who grunted in surprise. 

"Oof! Maybe we oughta restrict the frequency of pancake o'clock?" Sam pretended to be highly offended while Alex apologized lavishly. Her hands stroked Sam's calves, and she moaned.  _That felt amazing._ Alex grinned good-naturedly and kept massaging her legs. When the waitress arrived, Sam made sure to order pancakes, sending Alex a pointed look. At this point, half the waitstaff was staring at them and cooing.  _Probably should have gone somewhere no one knows me. Whoops._ In her defense, Alex was the one who drove, and she was very distracting. If an entire restaurant wanted to stare at her girlfriend, Sam couldn't blame them. 

 

 


	21. The Chapter Involving Female Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School is dreadful. I wanna be some middle-aged rich lesbian's trophy wife.

**National City University Herald**

**Maxwell Lord Detained By Superhero!**

This afternoon, well-known grad student and tri-delt Maxwell Lord (Photo 1) was removed from harassing a visitor on campus by the University's very own Superwoman. Lord was apparently soliciting the attention of a visiting woman, who was doing her best to tell him she wasn't interested. Just as the scene seemed like it would descend into violence, Superwoman (Photo 2) stepped in, removing Lord from the parking lot the altercation took place in and heroically saving him from potential harm. She then left him on the roof of the historical Turner Library (Photo 3) to "consider the consequences of his actions." Superwoman has intimated to the paper that "Sexual harassment is not okay. While many, including campus security, are unable to go after the creeps who do it, I can. So stop it." An admirable goal, in the view of this reporter. Lord has neglected to give an official statement, saying only " **< redacted> **off, you blonde  **< redacted>**! That Kryptonian  **< redacted> **will  **< redacted> **pay for this  **< redacted>**!" The campus paper would like to remind students that hate speech is forbidden on campus, and will not be printed in this publication. Superwoman's crusade of justice has apparently begun in earnest, in cooperation with our wonderful Campus Security Officers. We at the paper wish her luck.

Article by Kara Danvers

 

Sam tossed the paper on her desk and smiled. Having friendly staff at the paper was great. So many fewer penises were being drawn on her cruiser lately... It was amazing. The picture of Lord on the roof with his pants down would have her smiling for a week.  _And Kara really was using herself as a source..._ Sam had to hand it to Lena, she had picked a pretty awesome girlfriend. Who had a really awesome sister. Speaking of...

**Sam Arias: Happy Friday, baby! Can't wait to see you tonight...**

Sam hit send, snickering slightly. Kara had not-so-innocently told her to "make sure to text Alex today. For no reason! But also do it while she's at work? Also, how do I change a ringtone?" Real subtle, Kara. But Sam was more than willing to lend her assistance in whatever Danvers sisters shenanigans were currently in the works. If she had to help Alex get Kara back later, well, that was only fair. And Alex's mischievous streak was hot when she wasn't teaching it to Ruby. 

**vrrp!**

**Dr. Badass: Wt did u do to my phone? WTF Sam?**

**Sam Arias: It wasn't me, I swear.**

**Dr. Badass: ...Tell Superwoman 2 run 4 her life.**

Oh crap. Kara was dead. But not until she had told Sam what exactly she did. Sending a quick text the blonde's way, she glanced forlornly at the clock. Technically, she still had two hours before she could go home. It was Friday, someone else had the Drunk Idiot shift, and she was bored out of her mind. No one would even notice if she left... She wasn't going to do that. Staring at the clock it was.

* * *

Lena looked over at Ruby in the passenger seat. "Sure you want to do this?"

Ruby scoffed. "Uh, duh. She's literally staring at a wall. She could be getting ready for her third date with my future stepmom."

Lena pursed her lips. "Future what?" Ruby gaped at her like she was an imbecile. "You're probably right. And you're definitely right about the fact that we should kidnap her immediately." Grinning at her co-conspirator, Lena smirked devilishly and put her full weight on the car horn, which she had modified to be louder than a ship's foghorn for this exact occasion. Third dates were  _very_ important, after all. 

Sam whipped around so fast she fell out of her chair. Lena waved cheerfully, Ruby collapsing into giggles beside her.  _She was the best babysitter._ Sam sprang from her chair, jabbing her hand across her neck in a universal gesture for "stop that  _right now._ " Lena was not in the mood to Stop It Right Now. She was in the mood to get her friend ready for her big date. She maintained her place on top of the horn, motioning to Sam to get her ass in the car. Sam crossed her arms scowling, but on the third uninterrupted minute of foghorn noises her deputies all but shoved her out the door.  _Victory!_

Sam trudged over to the car, resigned expression on her face. Lena and Ruby were having none of that, already bouncing with glee. Sam took one of the remaining seats in the back, Ruby and Lena turning to face her with matching smirks.

"Ready for your date?-"

"-I hope so. Mom needs to  _chill out_ and Tommy at school told me that when adults go on dates-"

"-But staying on topic! Have you decided-"

"-What you're wearing? And-"

"-Please tell me you have a reservation already!" Sam looked back and forth between the two, trying to keep track of who was talking at any given point. She gave up. Although she and this "Tommy" person were going to need to talk. 

"No, I'm not ready. No, I haven't decided. That is  _not_ an invitation for you to help. Yes, I have a reservation." Lena didn't care about the last bit. That was so an invitation. She put the car in gear, tearing out of the parking lot. Ruby reached across her and turned on the sirens she had installed. Sam looked aghast at both the noise and the terrified students once again desperate to get out of Lena's way. In Lena's defense, at least she never ran into traffic. Literally never.  _Go flying over ten cars one time and you never hear the end of it..._ Ruby beside her was squealing in delight, so maybe Sam wouldn't be too mad.

Sam wasn't really mad. She was furious.

"-And I cannot believe you almost hit that Starbucks! It's a building, Lena! How did you almost hit a building?"

Lena tried to look sheepish, but her excitement over Sam shined through. "Accidents happen. Now, clothing!" She tossed a duffel bag into Ruby's arms, who started pawing through it almost immediately. "Let's get you dressed. We have to impress your girl!"

She shoved a red dress into Sam's arms and hauled her to her bedroom door. "Go. Change." Sam went.

She returned walking stiffly, enough leg on display to get her arrested for indecent exposure.  _Well, that one might have been a touch aggressive. Next!_ She tossed her a blouse and a pair of slacks. "Try those."

She came out looking like a school principal. A hot one, which would be fine if Alex were into that and this was some kind of roleplay thing, but it was only the third date. Kinky stuff probably came later. Next!

Silk shirt and pencil skirt. Too much like a business meeting.

Dropped-armhole tank top and jeans. Too informal for where they were going.

Cutout dress in purple. Ruby was too scandalized to let her out the door. Finally, though, Lena thought they had something.

Alex had better be impressed. Because Lena was exhausted. Sam looked amazing, blazer and silk shirt tight across her chest with her hair pinned on top of her head. In front of the mirror, Sam stood fiddling with her tie.  _Bad Sam, messing with her outfit._ Clearly, it was time to get her out the door before she undid Lena's  ~~meddling~~ work. "By the way, Ruby will be sleeping over at my place tonight. No need to thank me!"

Sam had no time to ask Lena what the Hell she was talking about before she was unceremoniously shoved out of her apartment. Lena turned to Ruby, who was already grabbing the overnight bag she had stashed behind the couch. "Great job kid. Now, how about we go home? The spy drone is already hooked up to the TV!"

* * *

Alex perched on her couch, deeply regretting getting dressed two hours early. Yes, she looked amazing and yes, she was glad she knew what she was wearing, but not messing up her makeup for two more hours was going to be a bitch. She browsed through her phone, sending Kara a brief text teasing her for Superwoman's part in her article and threatening a violent death for messing with her ringtone. Britany Spears was the opposite of professional. Yes, toxic was an excellent song. It  _was_ very appropriate for she and Sam. (No, it wasn't, she thought.) That did not make it a good thing to play in her workplace at full volume during a briefing. She saw Kara begin typing, then stop. There was a knock at her door.

"Hi, Alex!" Her sister was practically vibrating. "You. Look. Amazing! Sam is gonna love it! You're so perfect and I can't wait for the wedding and Eliza will cry so hard and-" Eliza. She really needed to get on that. Eventually. 

"Kara. Breathe." Kara paused her rambling. 

"You know I can hold my breath for-"

"Yeah, I know. You gonna entertain me for two hours?" Kara looked at her, aghast.

"Uh, yeah. What kind of sister would I be if I didn't?" Bouncing over to Alex's couch, Kara turned on Netflix, setting on something with explosions and car chases. Alex rolled her eyes, secretly touched her sister would put up with that for her. 

"Kara. We don't need to watch that-" Kara yanked her onto the couch.

"Just because you're my sister doesn't mean I won't put you in time-out too. Until your date, anyway."

Alex smacked her arm. "Don't you dare. I worked too hard on my hair." Kara nodded solemnly as if this was a life-or-death matter.

"It looks amazing. Now! Movie!" Alex sat. Clearly, she wasn't leaving the house until seven anyway. If she happened to add a keyboard shortcut on Kara's phone so every time she texted "No" it would come out "Hell fuckin' yeah, baby!" that was just poetic justice for the ringtone incident. 

 

 


	22. There's a Date. What More Can You Ask For?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's pretty self-explanatory, folks!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Apparently, I bit off a bit much to chew this school year. Consequently, updates WILL be sporadic.

Alex was late. She was late, and absolutely furious because she had gotten dressed two damn hours early and left early and it wasn't her fault, okay? Some idiot hit a delivery truck on the highway, and while Alex was usually all about fresh produce, dodging it as traffic backed up was her new least favorite pastime. So yeah, she was kinda late. Entering the restaurant, Alex searched for Sam and mentally prepared an apology. Where was she? The bar was empty, save one man babbling into his drink. The table to her left held what looked to be a very awkward family dinner (and boy, did she have one of those coming up...) The table to her right held a middle-aged man grumbling into a cellphone. A booth ahead of her contained a very attractive woman in a suit (and holy crap did she look good in it), who was grinning at her and waving.  _Okay. Random hot lady. Think, Alex. You clearly know her from somewhere-HOLY SHIT. That wasn't just a random hot lady._ Okay then. Sam looked...Wow. Alex forgot her traffic excuses, frozen in the center of the restaurant. Sam preened, standing up to guide her to the table. Alex could feel the warmth of her hands on her back and relaxed slightly. "Hi."  _Great line, Danvers. Good fucking God._

"Mmm. Hi. I was beginning to think you'd stood me up." Sam sat across from her now, teasing look on her face and leg nudging Alex's. Which was the only explanation for the sheer nonsense she found herself spouting.

"What? No. No! There was...A thing? On the highway, there was a truck and watermelons and a mango nearly hit me in the head and I think I flipped off a police officer? But it's fine! I'm here. Because you're here. And you're awesome. And gorgeous. And I'm done now."  _Shit._ Alex's face was on fire. Sam seemed torn between laughter and disbelief. 

"...You did what now? Are you okay?" Sam leaned across the table, grabbing Alex's hands. She inspected her for injuries, hands stroking Alex's arms. Alex knew she was supposed to respond. She really did. But Sam looked really pretty, and Alex was pretty sure she was doing some kind of eye hypnosis thing, and the only thing she was thinking about was grabbing her by the tie and kissing her.

Obviously, her response to Sam's query was going to be the picture of elegance. "...Hwah?"  _Shit, shit, and once again shit!_

Sam was smirking in a way that promised much future embarrassment. "Cat got your tongue, baby? You seem a little distracted."  _Yeah. No shit._

"M'fine. How was your day?" Deflection was clearly the only way to go here, for her own sanity.

"Hmm...Well, Maxwell Lord was arrested for possession of radioactive materials..."  _That probably wasn't good._ Could she sick Lena on him? Was that ethical? Alex didn't give a shit. If she couldn't get permission to see to Lord, Lena was getting a tip-off. Sam seemed cognizant of her preoccupation and pressed on. "Kara put out a fire and found a lost dog. Lena caused two minor explosions..." Alex nearly choked as Sam's foot slowly moved up her calf. "Ruby wants to know when you'll play Mario cart with her again." The leg moved higher. Alex was finding it progressively more difficult to focus on what was being said. "Did I mention how gorgeous you look tonight?" Flushing, Alex shook her head. "You do. Good enough to eat, really."  _Alex.EXE has crashed. Please wait..._

She blinked. A response was expected, wasn't it? "You-You too. Look really good. You always look really good. And, um...Yeah." She was aware that she was kind of failing the conversation portion of this date. Frankly, that wasn't entirely her fault. Sam seemed to be on a mission to give her a fucking heart attack. 

Across the table, Sam leaned back in her chair, looking smugger than Maxwell Lord. "You're sweet, Alex. So, anything interesting happen today in the life of the super-secret government doctor?"

 _I gave Lena classified samples. A Klaxxonian almost escaped. My boss may be stalking me. Thirteen things exploded. Vasquez caused Demos to snort orange juice out his nose. Inspection from the President. Got covered in unknown alien chemicals and needed to get decontaminated. Nearly decapitated by an axe-wielding criminal._ Alex was pretty sure most of those incidents were either classified or Not Dinner Conversation. She sighed.

"Lena should be in a better mood soon. I can't say why. There were several explosions and my coworker almost set me on fire. Several...Visitors came to the lab. They weren't super friendly." All of that was nice and civilian-friendly, right? Right. 

Sam rolled her eyes. "Please don't die in some super-classified lab disaster. I'd miss you." Sam's eyelashes fluttered softly. She had started holding Alex's hand at some point, although she had no idea when. "I said I was keeping you, after all." Right. That sounded pretty good. Alex made a mental note to maybe be a bit less reckless while in combat. 

"I'll do my best. I'm not going anywhere, promise." Except maybe to stand in the bathroom and scream till she got her ~~blushing~~   ~~nerves~~ minor distraction under control. DEO agents did  _not_ blush. 

Their waiter approached rapidly. Internally, Alex was glad she'd have a second or two to get her thoughts together. "Good. Because the whole top-secret thing is almost as hot as that dress." Sam gave her a quick wink before returning her legs to her side of the table. Alex promptly forgot what she was going to order, along with potentially the entire English language. She was so fucked.

* * *

 Ruby had buried herself in couch cushions long ago, but Lena was made of sterner stuff. Yes, Sam's behavior toward Alex could be described as "weird" or "icky" by an eight-year-old. However, Lena was just thrilled one of these disaster gays seemed to have some game. The drone hovered in the chandelier of the establishment as Alex stuttered through her order, Sam lounging in her chair and basking in the other woman's discombobulation. The stupid waiter eventually left, but not before Alex had managed to almost dump a glass of water down her dress and Sam looked like she was going to smother herself holding back laughter. In Alex's defense, Sam could be a complete shit when the mood struck. 

"Auntie Lena? Why does Mommy keep touching Alex's leg? And why is Alex's face all red?" Maybe Lena hadn't thought the spying thing through very well. Last time Ruby had questions about this kind of thing and Lena had answered them, her car had been impounded every time she parked it for a week. 

"Because...It's hot in the restaurant, and..." Lena was sure she was going to have to say they were playing tag or some other kid-friendly crap when her saving grace appeared. And by saving grace, she meant Kara. And by appeared, she meant came barreling through the front door with a tower of pizza and collapsed.

Ruby seemed to think twelve boxes of pizza was way more interesting than her original question, to Lena's intense relief. She kissed her girlfriend on the cheek, yelping in surprise when Kara yanked her onto her lap. It was all nice and appropriate, but still.

Kara briefly looked surprised when she saw what they were watching, but quickly accepted a bowl of popcorn and decided to enjoy the show. "Wha'd I mish?" She asked quietly, mouth full of pizza. Lena rolled her eyes.

"Your sister may or may not explode, and Sam has a wandering hand problem. Also, the waiter may think they're nuts." Kara nodded solemnly and swallowed. 

"They're definitely nuts. But in a cute way! Kinda like us." Well, that was cheesy. But also rather adorable. 

"Excuse you. We are clearly superior." Kara fell over herself to acquiesce.

"Well, duh. You're, like, the cutest but most dramatic person ever. So yeah. We win." On the screen, Alex appeared to be stammering madly while Sam displayed her best faux-innocent expression. Lena rolled her eyes and raised her bottle of kombucha. 

"Here's to us, then. Because somehow we're the less disastrous gays."

* * *

 

Sam was entirely aware that she was flustering Alex a bit. She couldn't quite help it. In her defense, she hadn't quite intended to be this obnoxious about it, but...She had no excuse, actually. Alex looked gorgeous, she was even cuter when she had forgotten how to speak, and Ruby was apparently not going to be home till morning (Thanks _so much_ for the prior notice, Lena.) So yeah. 

The woman in front of her was far less stealthy in her ogling than she clearly thought she was. At least a third of Alex's remarks had been addressed to Sam's chest since Sam had begun her game of "How Much Contact Is Possible In Public?". Sam had deliberately neglected to order any booze to avoid any driving or consent-related issues, but Alex clearly did not need the help with acting completely uninhibited. At all. That, or she really had a thing for women in suits.

Hopefully, it was option B. Sam could see the waiter arriving with the check, and she was determined to get to it before Alex. Because politeness, that's why. The second it hit the table, both women fumbled through their wallets, trying to stick down their card first. The waiter watched in amusement, clearly used to patrons attempting to forcibly pay for the other. Alex caught her eye while battling the zipper of her purse, grinning in victory. Which was confusing, because Sam already had her card and- _Ow!_ For the record, when a woman in heels kicks you in the shin, it hurts like Hell. Her slight distraction cinched Alex the victory. Sam glared up at her reproachfully. Alex waved the waiter away with her credit card, raising an eyebrow at her.

"You're the one who hasn't kept her legs to herself." Okay, true. Had she taken it to far?... The fact that Alex was grinning in amusement would suggest she wasn't mad. Hopefully. Never piss off the pretty girl you want to kiss. 

"A fair point. You're not complaining, are you baby?" She stood up from the table, offering Alex her hand as she tried to explain exactly how much she wasn't complaining. Sam's ego at this moment could rival the moon in size. 

They exited the restaurant in record time, Sam limping dramatically.  _Take the bait take the bait please tke the bait..._

Sure enough, Doctor "I'm going to force you to go to the hospital and then not go myself" just  _had_ to ask how she was getting home. Sam made sure to mention that she had walked to their date, damsel in distress act in full swing. Alex didn't look fooled in the slightest but quickly offered to drive her home on her motorcycle. Sam rapidly gave her assent, wondering how exactly one rode a motorbike in a cocktail dress.

Very recklessly, it would appear. The dress did not seem to hinder Alex as she careened in and out of traffic, changing lanes faster that Lena causing an expensive explosion. They were back at Sam's apartment in record time. Time seemed to slow as Alex walked her to the door. They paused at the entrance.

"Well, this is me." Sam made no move to actually enter the building. 

"Um. Yeah. I had a really great time with you, Sam. You're...Really awesome. Um..." Alex seemed to be struggling slightly, biting her lip as she looked up at Sam. "Shit. I really want to kiss you right now. Is that okay?"

Sam rolled her eyes. "You even have to ask?" Alex shoved her shoulder. Sam winced in fake injury. "What is it with you and violence, babe? Guess you have to kiss it better now." Alex nodded, nervously playing with the end of Sam's tie. She walked forward, backing Alex into the door of the building. Brushing a quick kiss to her forehead, she moved away. "Not here, though. Too many of my neighbors own binoculars." She opened the door, not expecting Alex to yank her through it and into the elevator, distractedly hitting the button for Sam's floor and grinning up at her.  _Note to self: Wear ties more often._

 

 


	23. Some Plot Occurs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly not sure if y'all want smut in this. If you have an opinion, just leave a comment with the word "yes" or "no" if you're feeling lazy. Or, ya know, make my day and write more words than that.

By the time the elevator reached Sam's floor, Alex was fairly certain her brain was no longer functioning. As it came to a stop, Sam had pulled away from her and ended up having to snap in front of her face several times before she remembered walking was indeed a thing. She'd have been embarrassed if she were thinking about anything other than the dark brown color Sam's eyes had turned or the fact that the apartment was apparently empty. Sam tossed her shoes into the corner and slowly turned to lay her blazer on the back of a chair. This is where Alex's knowledge of What The Hell Am I Doing ended. Correction, she wasn't a moron, she knew what going back to someone's apartment on a third date typically meant. Which meant that she needed to reboot her brain and find a way to tell Sam...Tell Sam something. She didn't know what. 

From her spot across the living room, Sam flopped dramatically onto the couch. "You okay, babe? You seem a little dazed." The shirt was snug, and she was doing that thing with the smirking and  _shit._  

Alex toed off her heels and gingerly sat on the couch. "Shut up, Arias."

Sam leaned forward, eyebrows raised. "Make me." Alex unconsciously moved backward with her until Sam was looming over her, still with that stupidly attractive smirk on her face, and Alex really wanted to kiss it off. So she did. Which may not have been the wisest thing, because she was in Sam's apartment and she wasn't sure what exactly she wanted to happen in it but this was something she was intimately familiar with. Sam felt good on top of her, all soft curves and gentle hands on her sides.  _Yup. She definitely liked this bit._ Sam bit her bottom lip lightly, hand fisting Alex's hair, and she decided to stop thinking for a bit. It was only when Sam's admittedly talented mouth moved to her neck and her hand ran questioningly over Alex's zipper that her brain reengaged.

"Sam...Mmm, that feels nice-umm, I don't think that?... I mean...That's enough!" In an instant, the heat of Sam's body was gone. She flung herself back onto the other end of the couch, concerned look in those hypnotic eyes. "Shit. I'm sorry. I just...Uh..."

"Too much too soon?" Alex flushed and nodded.  _Way to kill the mood, Danvers._ "I did get a bit carried away. If you need space or anything-" Alex shook her head. She didn't want space. Not at all, actually. She scooted over to where Sam had exiled herself, placing her head on Sam's shoulder and smiling. "Can we just maybe watch a movie or something? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come back here and I really thought it was a good idea and yeah..."

Sam huffed in exasperation, yanking her into a one-armed embrace. "Yes, we can watch a movie. And if you apologize for wanting me to cool it I'm going to tell Kara you messed with her texts." Right then. No apologizing.  Sam pulled up Netflix, raising her eyes at the recently watched tab. "Geez Alex, you weren't kidding when you said you were just going to binge-watch Netflix..."

Alex was not proud of how much TV she had watched during her two-day sentence of house arrest. In her defense, Gilmore Girls was an amazing show. So there. "Need I remind you of the fact that you left me all alone with nothing to do?" Granted, if Sam had stayed the TV would probably be broken after a particularly intense game of Mario Kart...

"If I had stayed, you wouldn't have made the pie. I stand by my actions." Alex swatted her arm half-heartedly, nuzzling into Sam's shoulder. She really liked cuddling with Sam. She was all soft and she smelled good and maybe she could just move in here and never leave? In a month or six, maybe. On the screen, some medical sitcom theme played merrily. She looked toward Sam, eyes filled with mock judgment. "What? I figured mocking this thing will be even more thorough with an actual medical school graduate!"

Alex really couldn't argue with that. She settled in, content to cuddle with her girlfriend and maybe steal a few more kisses until some moron decided that a proper treatment for pediatric cancer was what appeared to be some kind of lobotomy. Sam was then treated to a very loud rant about the idiocy of TV producers until she started snickering too loudly, at which time Alex decided clearly the best solution to make Sam act less like a little shit was to stick her tongue down her throat. Because it may be a little early for the other stuff, but Alex was totally down with making Sam be quiet for a few minutes (Or hours). By the time Netflix was asking them if they were still watching, it was past midnight and Alex's eyelids had never felt heavier. She stood up, fumbling for her keys in her pocketbook. Shaking her head, Sam lifted herself off the couch with a groan, sweeping Alex up and tossing her onto the bed in Sam's room. Alex was confused for all of five seconds until Sam collapsed next to her, mumbled out a good night, and slowly fell asleep with an arm over Alex's waist.  _Well then. Driving home will just happen tomorrow._

* * *

 

Lena stood proudly in front of the door to her guest bedroom. Getting Ruby to go the fuck to sleep had taken fifty dollars in bribe money and two pizzas (Were little kids supposed to eat that much?) but finally she had done it. The small girl was buried under a mound of blankets and snoring softly. Shutting the door so as not to wake her houseguest, Lena entered her bedroom. Kara perched on her bed, smiling nervously. Which was entirely justified, as Lena had practically dragged her there, said to wait because she "had something to show her," and then left to take care of Ruby. That did sound like it would probably sound somewhat alarming, come to think of it. Lena strode over to her desk, rummaging excitedly. Her fingers snagged on a paper-wrapped package in the corner of one of her desk drawers. Grabbing it, she grinned in triumph. Kara eyed the package curiously.

"Lee?... Is this a science experiment or something?" Or something. She pushed the package into Kara's hands, bouncing slightly despite herself ("Luthors do not bounce, Lena.) Kara lasted about five seconds before she tore the package open like a kid with a Christmas present. She gasped softly as she held up the necklace, red stone almost glowing. 

Lena felt like she probably ought to explain slightly. "There's a lamp too if you want to completely get rid of your powers for a while, but I figured this would be good if you wanted to not have superhearing during class or something. Or hug your sister. Or-" She did not get to finish her sentence as Kara pulled her into a crushing hug.  _Clearly, she liked her present. Thank God._

Kara lifted her up, spinning them around before beaming. "You're amazing. I can't tell you how much this means." She was crying.  _Fuck. That's not what I wanted..._ Kara was crying, and she really wanted to fix that because sad Kara made her heart hurt, but Kara was also smiling and bouncing around so what should she do? Kara made the decision for her, pulling her forward onto the bed to straddle her hips. "So. I'm not gonna have any problems with super strength if I wear this?"

Oh.  _Oh._ "No, no you should not. That...Should not be a problem." Lena wasn't exactly sure what Kara had meant by that statement. It was Kara, after all, who at times seemed like the walking definition of innocence and obliviousness.

And then her shirt was being unbuttoned, and Kara's mouth was on hers, and clearly, the innocence thing was a front. Well then. Thank you, Alex Danvers.

* * *

 

 Sam woke up with Alex's head on her chest and hands somewhere they definitely should not be. Sam shifted slightly, trying to think of a good way to remove the appendage on her backside without alerting Alex of exactly what was going on. Because while she definitely did not mind, it was clear that Alex might need things a bit slower and would definitely be embarrassed by her subconscious behavior. Taking hold of Alex's wrist, she slowly lifted her arm, moving it to the more neutral territory of her hip bone. Alex sighed, snuggling closer.  _Damn. She is really cute like this._ Grabbing her phone from her nightstand, she was informed that she had thirteen new texts from Lena informing her that Ruby would not be home until after lunch.  _Okay, then._ Sam would remember this is Kara and Lena ever had children. Auntie Sam would be giving out so much candy... For now, though, there was a beautiful girl asleep on top of her who would probably be very hungry when she woke up. Gradually and regretfully working her way out of Alex's arms, she trudged into the kitchen to discover that food-wise, she had stale bagels and that was it.  _Crap. Forget to go shopping one time..._ Hadn't Lena said something about breakfast delivery recently? She sent her a quick text asking for Bill's contact information, to be smugly informed that unless she was willing to drop two hundred dollars on takeout, he was going back to bed.  _Lena, what the heck?_ Reminding herself that Lena probably thought that was a very reasonable price for food, she made her way back into the bedroom to get dressed. Maybe Alex would want to go out for breakfast, maybe she wouldn't.

Apparently, love of food ran in the Danvers family. Alex was definitely down for breakfast, and at the hour of six am on a Saturday, the campus diner was deserted. They were seated immediately, the staff once again cooing and eavesdropping shamelessly. Sam supposed it beat the staff trying to break them up like they had when Leslie had a brief fling with a newspaper chick. She was happily dating a waitress and psych major named Gayle now. 

Everything looked to be going fabulously until the pre-class rush began. They were just about ready to call for a check when Maxwell Lord and company entered the diner, eyes bloodshot with exhaustion. He surveyed the crowd inside and smiled, turning his head up to the sky and beginning to scream. "THE DINER'S ON FIRE! HELP!" 

People began to flee, screaming and trampling each other in their haste. Alex went with them to play paramedic as someone was knocked roughly into the counter, arm bone snapping loudly. Sam was up in an instant, not knowing if Lord intended to actually torch the place. A black-helmeted blur arrived just as she had begun to approach. Lord's deranged eyes lit up when he saw her.

"If it isn't the mighty Kryptonian. Don't worry, this'll only hurt you." He took what looked to be a fancy tin can out of his bag and chucked it. It began emitting a green gas. At this point, the crowd outside was watching intently from the windows, some recording the incident.  _Good. We can get him expelled for this._ Kara laughed beneath her helmet.

"Didn't my girlfriend tell you? I'm Kryptonite proof." She charged forward, picking him up by an ankle and marching out the door to raucous applause. Sam could barely hear it. She felt like she was underwater, senses dulled. There was a strange, intense pain in her body and she found she couldn't walk. Crumpling to the floor, the last thing she saw was Alex, yanking her up and toward the exit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me. She's just dazed. She'll be fine I promise.


	24. Agentreign Plays Doctor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Don't hate me for the slow updates. Have some plot and fluff.  
> Also, we are currently 3:0 in favor of adding smut.

Sam slowly blinked herself awake, brain shrieking demonically in protest.  _Good morning to me..._ The first thing she noticed was the blinding fluorescent lights over her head. The second thing she noticed was the beeping monitor and the fact that she appeared to be underground?... _What the hell._ The world felt slightly fuzzy around the edges, although not quite as much as it had in the diner- _the diner._ What had happened in the diner?

Kara had gotten everyone out, maybe. Lena wasn't there, so she was fine. Ruby was probably with Lena. She was in a hospital now? Which was weird. Maxwell had said the gas would only hurt Kara.  _She wasn't Kara? What was going on?_ Where was Alex? Alex had been there, hadn't she? Sam had seen her right before everything went black. Everything was still kind of black. There were lots of people around her wearing black. One of them looked kind of like Alex, but Alex didn't work at a hospital. Alex hated hospitals. Sam waved sleepily at Not-Alex, who looked at her worriedly and said something to another person in black. He pressed a few buttons on the monitor, and everything went completely black again.

Sam slowly blinked herself awake, brain shrieking demonically in protest.  _Good afternoon(?) to me..._ The first thing she noticed was the Not-Alex leaning over her. Not-Alex looked exhausted.  _Don't be sad, Not-Alex. You're too pretty to be sad!_ Was that disloyal of her to think? Not-Alex's fingers stroked gently over her forehead. Sam tried to tell her in no uncertain terms that she was already dating the bestest, most beautifullest doctor in the world, but no words came out.  _Weird. Maybe the green stuff makes you forget how to talk._ That would be horrible! Ruby didn't know sign language, and she didn't know sign language, and Lena only knew how to curse in sign language, so she'd only be able to curse at Ruby! And after she had banned Alex from cursing... Sam didn't want to be a hypocrite. That was a bad thing to be in a relationship.

Not-Alex was puttering around, reading off a clipboard.  _What could be so interesting about a clipboard? It's just a thing of wood!_ Sam giggled to herself, but no sound came out of her mouth.  _Weird..._ Not-Alex put down the clipboard, shaking her head in exasperation. Noticing Sam's eyes were open, she smiled. Not-Alex had a pretty smile. Almost as pretty as her girlfriend's. Her girlfriend was so pretty. Not-Alex was flushing slightly, looking like she was trying not to laugh.  _What could be so funny about a person in a hospital? Not-Alex was rude!_

Not-Alex's brow furrowed. "Not-Alex?" That's funny. Her voice sounded like Alex's too. Maybe Alex had a secret twin! That could be cool. Not-Alex snorted. "Sam. I am Alex."  _What? No, she wasn't-Yes she was._ Huh. "Damn, Demos put you on the good stuff. How do you feel?" Like she got hit by a freakin' bus. Stupid Lord. "I agree. Stupid Lord is the worst. Kara sent me a text saying he'll be expelled for this." Yay. Inside Sam's head, "Ding, Dong, The Witch Is Dead" started playing. Alex raised her perfect eyebrows. Her whole face was perfect, really. She was so lucky. She should buy a ring, then Alex would stay forever maybe!

Alex pressed some buttons on the monitor. "Okay, Dorothy. I'm just gonna reduce your painkillers." Why was she on painkillers? What happened? "Sam. The stuff Lord released in the diner was a very unstable Kryptonite gas." Sam frowned. Kryptonite. That hurt Kryptonians. But it hurt her, and it didn't hurt Kara, and- "It didn't hurt Kara because Lena is basically Edna Mode." Sam giggled. She was like Edna! Maybe if she asked nicely she could get Lena to make her a new uniform?...

"...Hoo boy. Okay. So, the gas should only hurt Kryptonians." Right. That made sense. "But it ended up hurting you." Weird. That shouldn't happen. She was a human! "That's what we thought too. We ran a DNA test on you just to be sure." D-N-A. That's a fun name! Alex shook her head. "Sam. It appears you have some form of alien DNA that was activated and somehow altered by the gas attack." Did that mean she was like Kara? She could get a suit and rescue Alex from frat boys and fly Ruby to school and-

"Yes, Sam, it means you may have powers. Right now you're at the department of extranormal operations. I took you here to get the Kryptonite out of your system. That's why you're sitting in a sunbed." Sam looked up. Hey! It was like a tanning salon, not that she'd ever been to one...She was superhuman! That was cool. And Alex worked with superhumans?... "Yeah. I work here. Suprise?" She was surprised, but it certainly explained a lot about the whole Superwoman situation. "Kara doesn't know. I took the job to protect her, and...She can't find out." Okay, then. If Alex wanted her to keep a secret, she could do that! She was super sneaky. "When you're feeling better we should run some tests to see exactly what if anything you can do. Ruby is with Lena and Kara. Okay?" Yeah, okay. She was gonna get superpowers! And then she could be a total badass like everyone else. And then beat up Lord. Yup. Alex fondly rolled her eyes. "Take a nap. You'll feel less... floaty then." Sam nodded. Feeling floaty was fun though... But Alex asked her to, so she closed her eyes and floated off.

* * *

 

Maxwell Lord's expulsion hearing was the fastest in NCU history. Apparently, not even he could dazzle his way out of the fact that he attacked a diner full of students with an unidentified chemical weapon, and was filmed doing it.  _Thank fucking God._ Lena had enough to deal with without someone attacking her Kryptonian girlfriend and, apparently, Kryptonian (?) best friend all the damn time. It was fucking rude, and it was cramping her libido. For the record, on a Sunday morning, the day you figure out a temporary cure for Superstrength? You want your girlfriend to yourself, damn him! Lena almost felt it was worth it as he was marched out of the administration building and into a waiting squad car. Apparently, a higher level of law enforcement than Sam (who was down for the count and off her head on pain meds anyway, according to Alex) was going to be taking charge of him. Good. 

Kara hovered near the police car, surrounded by grateful and awed students trying to get a selfie with the campus hero. Sighing, she shot a quick text to Jack, inviting him to both meet her awesome girlfriend and begging to delete all those photos that would soon be posted. She received an affirmative response almost immediately, thank god. 

She strode over to where Kara had stationed herself. They made an attractive pair like this, Kara's suit matching Lena's hair, height difference adorably distinct when Kara noticed her presence and joined her on the ground. "Lena! Your suit worked amazingly. I'm Kryptonite proof!" Damn right she was. It took long enough to win her over, she was not allowed to get herself hurt. Lena forbid it. 

"I'm glad you like it, dear. I'm just thrilled I no longer have to stage midnight raids on frat houses." Lena could hear Kara's coughing fit underneath her helmet. 

"That was YOU? Oh Rao, Sam told me she wanted me with her to investigate the culprit because they were used to getting away with stuff and it all makes sense now..." Oh shit. If Kara was going to get mad at her for that than today might end up sucking after all...

"That was awesome. You're so smart and amazing, and I'm so lucky." Well then. Lena Luthor: 1, Law and Order: 0.

Beside her, Ruby made her presence known. "Superwoman? Can I have your autograph?" She proffered a copy of the school newspaper, the one with the picture of her carrying Lord to the roof. "That man always made my Mom sad. And she said stuff about harassment and rich people and now he's gone so I bet she's really happy. You're my hero, and Mom says Auntie Alex can teach me to beat up bad guys and then I can be a hero too!" Kara signed the paper in large, looping script. She reached out toward Ruby, who immediately launched herself into Kara's arms. Lena was torn between concern for Kara's identity and the fact that her ovaries were exploding a bit. Kara plunked Ruby onto her shoulders and rose into the air again, the little girl whooping in joy. Cameras flashed, and that was totally going to be in tomorrow's papers...Oh well. She and Sam would both want copies of that anyway. "Superwoman? Can you fly us back to Mom's apartment?"  _Shit. Shit shit shit._ Kara held out a hand, clearly smirking beneath the mirrored helmet. Unwilling to be seen as the cowardly auntie, Lena took it, settling into Kara's arms and resolutely staring at her face. They ascended rapidly.  _Don't look down, don't look down..._ Ruby was clearly having the time of her life, but Lena was thrilled to land in front of Sam's apartment building and bid "Superwoman" goodbye.

Kara gave her a mock salute. Under her breath, Lena made sure to murmur "You'll be making that up to me later, dear" just as Kara was taking off. Distracted, the hero misjudged the force needed to ascend and shot into the stratosphere, nearly taking out a migrating group of geese overhead. Apparently, there were some risks to dating a Luthor. Who knew?

* * *

 

 Alex perched on an office chair beside Sam's bedside. Besides being a bit loopy from the painkillers and keeping up a constant stream of nonsensical chatter, the woman seemed to be recovering well. Which was a good thing, because if she hadn't Alex would have ripped Lord limb from limb. She still might. 

Sam was beautifully serene asleep. However, she had been beautifully serene for three hours now, and Alex was getting antsy. Her girlfriend was a Kryptonian. That was...a surprise. It was weird because her Kryptonian DNA looked like it had been stuck there artificially. If Lena got her hands on it, they'd all be shooting lasers out of their eyes by Christmas. Something to consider, anyway. For now, it was time to wake Sam up.

"Babe. Babe!"

"No." Well then.

"Sam. You need to wake up."

"Mmm. Come to bed, Alex." Her brain was not going there right now. Nope!

She slowly tugged the blanket off of her girlfriend. She didn't stir. "Samantha Arias!" No movement. "Ruby is dyeing her hair!" Nothing. "Pancakes?" 

A pause, then a disgruntled "Nope." 

Alex thought. What was guaranteed to at least get Sam to open her damn eyes? What would wake Alex up if she was put on a shit ton of anesthesia?... "My clothes disintegrated again." Sam's eyes popped open long enough to verify that statement was bullshit. Then they closed. Fine then. Alex plopped onto the bed beside Sam and was almost instantly enveloped by strong (inhumanly strong, apparently) arms.  _Hmm. This is nice..._ It was also not the time or place. Brushing Sam's hair out of her face, she pressed a teasing kiss to the corner of her mouth. Sam scowled slightly but kept her eyes closed. "No kissing until you show you're conscious."

On second thought, that was a very bad idea. She was pinned by a cranky Kryptonian in her workplace. Her co-workers could walk in at any moment. Sam was staring down at her like the cat that had caught the canary and was deciding on the best way to eat it.  _This is not good. Very not good. She should not be turned on right now._ She was very turned on right now. "Babe? Tests before..this." Sam did not look very convinced of her argument. "Babe. You have Kryptonian strength. You could literally break me." Sam, as if by magic, was suddenly at the other end of the room and looking very confused as to how she got there.  _Well then. Superspeed, check._

Sam appeared to have come to the same conclusion, bouncing up and down and grinning. "I did that!"

"Yes, you did. Now can we see what else you can do so I can tell Lena what your suit needs to be able to handle?" Sam looked momentarily confused. 

"...I get a suit?" 

Whoops. "I just assumed..."

Sam was grinning ear to ear. "You were right! I want one. I want to be a hero too!" This woman...

"First of all, you already are. Second of all, let's go already. I want to see how much you can do!" She did not expect to punctuate this statement with a scream, but Sam, evidently eager to use her newly-discovered speed, and scooped her up and sprinted in the rough direction of the training room.  _Holy shit. This is awesome._ Alex was never going to be late for anything again. Not to mention other potential applications. 


	25. Sam Vs Science

**_Swish._ KA-THUNK!**

The room shuddered, weights and other exercise equipment clanking together ominously. Sam stood in the center, looking concernedly up at the ceiling. Said ceiling had a rather massive hole. 

Plaster dust floated softly around them, making Alex cough. Sam glanced over toward her, the sheepish smile on her face eclipsed by the look of sheer pride in her eyes. She bounced on her heels, resembling Kara strongly. "...Got anything heavier?"

Alex shook her head. They didn't, really. At this point, Sam was clearly capable of deadlifting over three thousand pounds. Apparently, she was also capable of twirling three thousand pounds over her head and accidentally tossing it through the ceiling like a fucking pizza in a bad cartoon. Director Henshaw was not going to like that one bit. "Okay then. We should probably just test something else..."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Aww, did I break your fancy measuring equipment?" Yes. Yes, she had. Along with her fucking ceiling. She sure wore through the damn painkillers fast. Alex raced to finish logging the results of the strength test by hand since Sam had broken her damn force gauges (and several barbells. With her bare hands, she might add) Sam glanced idly around the room. Alex worked faster, hoping she'd finish before her absurdly strong girlfriend broke anything else. She had never been more grateful for Kara's ironclad control of her powers. Alex marched purposefully toward a treadmill and turned it on. If a new recruit acts like a shit, you make em do wind sprints. She wasn't sure if the same principle applied when your superpowered girlfriend is getting dangerously antsy in your lab. Across the room, Sam grinned at her. "You really think this thing'll go fast enough to keep up?" No, no she didn't. But quite frankly Sam was a scientist's worst nightmare, so they were finishing these damn tests and then getting her the fuck out of Alex's lab before the ceiling well and truly collapsed.

Sam started running, the treadmill creaking ominously with the force of her footsteps.  _Oh crap._ Sam cranked the speed dial, the whoosh of the belt barely covering the grinding of the machine's gears.  _Fuck._ Sam, of course, still looked like she was taking a leisurely jog through her neighborhood, not outrunning a fucking car. The treadmill started to smoke. Sam kept running.  _Shit._ "Sam. Sam! I think that's enough! Test over!" Sam smiled and turned around to run backward.  _Real mature, babe._ Smoke rapidly filled the room as Sam showed exactly how little exertion this particular test was causing her. "I get it, you're super fast. Now get off!"

Sam did not get off. She eyed Alex in a way that clearly said, "We will be revisiting that particular word choice later."  _Damnit._ As if in response to the rapidly burgeoning sexual tension, the treadmill spontaneously burst into flames.  _FUCK._ Sam's response was to shoot it with lasers. Shockingly, this did not cause fewer flames. Instead, it caused flames and an explosion. "Babe? Maybe we should just get a fire extinguisher-"

**_Fwoooosh!_ **

Surrounded by a ring of frost, Sam beamed. Clearly, she was quite proud of herself. Alex, now covered in rapidly melting ice crystals, was less enthused. It was official. Lena needed to share the wealth on the red sun gear immediately. 

* * *

 

Sam touched down on the newly-installed balcony of Lena's apartment, wondering how much she had to bribe the landlord to get zoning rights for it. Sure, she knew flying without a disguise was a Very Bad Idea, but she was wearing Alex's motorcycle helmet over her head, so it was fine. If Alex had been moderately yet adorably flustered as Sam had stolen it? Bonus points. Upon landing, she did not expect to be grabbed by the shirt collar and manhandled into Lena's apartment. Inside, she noticed a veritable riot of fabrics, metals, and what appeared to be a giant rock.  _What the heck, Lena?_ Sam was positive whatever Alex had given her during her recovery had worn off by now, so she wasn't hallucinating. Probably.

Lena shoved her onto the couch and shoved a red, crystalline ring around her finger.  _Okay. Maybe she was hallucinating._ Lena rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, I know you're very taken by the good Doctor Danvers. This is so you don't end up hearing or seeing things that will scar you for life." Sam was slightly confused by that statement, to say the least. "When Kara first got her powers, she ended up accidentally using them...often. Wouldn't want you to accidentally, say, hear something going on in a friend's apartment across town...Or squishing someone." Okay then. Power inhibiting ring, it was. Thank goodness for Lena. Lena, who was now standing her up in the middle of the fabric store explosion of her apartment and yanking off her shirt. "Don't worry, dear. I just need to make this fit tightly enough to wear under your clothes." Studiously ignoring Lena and her lack of regard for personal boundaries, Sam noticed a mannequin in the corner. She was excited to see she wouldn't be running around looking like Kara's twin.  While Kara's suit was black, skin-tight, and had her family's symbol on the chest, Sam's looked a bit like a drawing Ruby had done- hold it.

"Lena? My suit..." She wasn't sure what to say about it. It was metallic and showy and while Kara looked like some kind of military general in hers, Sam was going to look like someone's knight in shining armor.

"I went with something nice and non-threatening. Every child knows fairytale knights are friendly, and you have quite the habit of rescuing a particular Doctor In Distress." Alex was going to freak. It was perfect.

"You're amazing, Lena." Lena nodded, looking at her like some kind of moron. She shoved a giant sword into her hand and- Giant sword? "Lee. I don't know how to use this. And even if the theme is Knight in Shining Armor I really don't think-"

Lena crossed her arms and smirked, perching daintily on the coffee table. "Sam," She said matter-of-factly, "You played softball in college, right?" Sam nodded. "Pretend it's a bat, then. Can't be that different." It was very different, but hitting someone hard enough with a metal object meant it didn't matter if that object was a bat or sword. 

Sighing, Sam gave the sword and experimental swing and grinned. It was awesome. But that didn't mean she could keep a sword in her house. As if anticipating this complaint, Lena shoved the sword into its sheath and handed it back to Sam.  _Where is she even getting this stuff?_ Sam wouldn't have a clue where to get a sheath that looks like a freaking umbrella, but evidently, Lena did.  _Luthors... They're all nuts._ But she was keeping the sword. Because it made her feel like a badass. And also because if anyone ever came into a campus diner with a freaking weapon she was smacking them into orbit. 

* * *

 

Sam's first gig as a new superhero occurred when Kara was occupied in class and some moron decided to light their house on fire. Lena watched from her cell phone as social media screamed about multiplying Kryptonians and was silenced by "technical difficulties." Jack deserved a fucking medal for doing this. In the meantime, she'd just have to send him a few new tech goodies and hope for the best.

She put her phone down and leaned up against Kara, now back from listening to some Profesor prattle about unbiased journalism. The irony was not lost on her. Across from them, Alex and a slightly smokey Sam were off in their own disgustingly romantic world. Being near them was nauseating. Kara's fingers twisted through her hair, and internally Lena would admit they were probably just as bad. If not worse. 

Dinner was a fairly relaxed affair, given the fact that Maxwell Lord was safely expelled and on his way to county lockup until he found a lawyer. The conversation was full of post-university plans, needless teasing, and people snickering into their drinks. Lena was pleasantly tipsy, Kara was beautiful in the dim light of Lena's living room, and everything was perfect. Hopefully, everything would continue to be perfect. 

She would make sure everything stayed perfect. Her perfect little family, Sam her almost-sister and her goddaughter and Alex her possible sister in law and Kara. She deserved this, really. They all did. And if Lena had to protect that by choosing to be a bit of a Luthor for once? 

Her mother deserved to go to jail anyway. She should have known better than to go on one of her little anti-alien rants around her, even if she was unaware of Lena's alien girlfriend. Said girlfriend was currently arm-wrestling with Sam, delighted to finally have someone of equal strength around. Sam's other arm was around Alex's shoulders, red ring flashing. Ruby was fascinated with it, and she begged Lena for one once she learned its source. Hell, she'd probably need one in a few years given her genetics. And in a few years if Lena had figured out how to possibly use Sam's Kryptonian DNA to make sure they'd all live happily ever after even longer than expected? What was wrong with that?

Nothing, that's what. It was going to happen, come Hell or high frogspawn.

So Lillian Luthor might need to go. 

On that note, Lena wondered what Kara's mother thought about all this. A Super and a Luthor? She must be freaking out. "Kara, dear? How might I go about winning your mother's approval?"

The conversation screeched to a halt. _Had she said something wrong?_ Alex was the one to answer. "Shit. I forgot to tell Eliza."

Sam grinned down at her lazily. "Forgot to tell her what, babe?"

Alex looked at Kara in panic. "Everything. Oh shit, it's Thanksgiving next week." 

Beside her, Kara turned and smiled. "So Lena. How'd you like to meet my mom? Only if you want to! It's just it might be easier to just introduce you so she can see how awesome you are and then Alex can bring Sam and it'll be a surprise and- _mmph._ "

Disengaging from Kara's mouth and wiping away the lipstick mark she had left, Lena grinned. "It's a date, dear. Anyone who raised you must be a saint."

Across from her, Alex didn't look quite so certain. Her dubious expression reflected Lena's internal state.  _Fuck. Why did she agree to that? She was going to die. Kara's mom would find out she was a Luthor and shoot her. Shit!_

 

 

 


	26. Thanksgiving Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So. Our girls are on the way to meet the parents, and Lena is Plotting Something. Shocking, I know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise bonus mid-week chapter! I was kinda feeling like writing, so here's this.

Alex was-Alex was  _not_ panicking. She was squeezed between her practical duffel bag and Lena's three designer suitcases, Kara and Lena claiming the front seat. Her heart was racing, and she could feel herself breaking out in a cold sweat, but she was not panicking. She was just...Considering the possible outcomes of the weekend. Outcome one: Eliza loves Lena, forgets the Luthor heritage, and doesn't blame Alex for Kara's hero shenanigans. Outcome two: Lena and Eliza have a dramatic showdown in the living room, Eliza blames her for Kara, Kara gets mad at Eliza for not supporting her, Eliza somehow finds out about Sam, and Alex drinks her weight in cheap wine. Outcome two was unfortunately far more likely, so Alex favored Outcome three: Sam breaks through the ceiling in full costume (and damn was she hot in it), flew away with her, and she had a non-life threatening Thanksgiving with Ruby and Sam. Unfortunately, when she texted Sam with her ingenious plot, the answer had been a resounding "Not how I plan on meeting the parent, gorgeous." Which meant she was back at outcome two. Shit. 

**Dr. In Distress <3: cmon sam pls? i dnt wnna deal w/ this. eliza blames evrything on me. shes gnna freak out.**

**Sam Arias: If she somehow blames you for the fact that Kara is too good for this world, you can have Christmas with Ruby and me instead. She claims you would buy better gifts anyway.**

Christmas with Sam, huh? Christmas and mistletoe and "presents" after Ruby went to bed... Yeah, Outcome two wouldn't be the worst thing to happen. Eliza would be crazy not to like Lena. Come to think of it, she'd be trying to get Kara to put a ring on her finger after an hour with her. The problem would be The Superwoman Thing. That was gonna suck.

Suddenly, her phone was no longer in her hand. "How's Sammy?" Lena grinned smugly, waving the phone back and forth.

Alex lunged forward but was hampered by the massive suitcases. "C'mon Lena, give it back!" That phone was going to keep her sane this weekend since Sam had forbidden her from drinking her stress.

Lena did not give it back. "Consider this payback for telling me your Mom was Amish and I'd need to dress the part." Alex was pretty sure that Lena falling for that one meant Alex was absolved of any crimes. Where Lena had managed to get a bonnet and full-coverage dress in under twelve hours she'd never know.

The sound of "Bye Bye Bye" blasted through the speakers. "Sam told me this is how to get people acting like kids to stop! Isn't it great?" No, it wasn't. Lena seemed to share her opinion, wordlessly passing Alex's phone back to her before making a grab for Kara's. Luckily, her sister was too focused on being a safe driver to make an effort to get it back. NSYNC was brought down to a far more manageable volume, and the car relaxed. Except for Alex, who in the scuffle had already made and discarded twelve plans to fake her own death before their arrival. 

* * *

 

Back in National City, Sam was having an even less relaxed day. Ruby was, thankfully, still at school. Unfortunately, she had a super secret project of Lena's to work on. She was pretty sure that none of what she wanted to be done was illegal enough to inspire a manhunt for her alter ego, but not asking questions about dodgy and unsafe plans was the hallmark of their friendship. The plan was pretty simple. Fly to Metropolis, break into the Luthor mansion, and cause enough chaos and destruction that the cops and press showed up. Then show them all the sketchy stuff Lillian had in the house. Simple. And since Lillian Luthor was not nearly as technologically savvy as her daughter, breaking into her home and terrorizing the witch was remarkably easy, not to mention satisfying. Lena deserved way better.

She broke through the kitchen window in full costume in a dramatic explosion of shattering glass, using her new superhearing to listen for someone running. It was pretty easy to chase down Lillian. Apparently, the love of impractical high heels runs in the family. Lillian had a great deal of Kryptonite-laden traps in the house, but that didn't turn out to be much of an issue. Thank goodness for Lena "Edna Mode" Luthor. A neighbor ended up calling the cops after twenty minutes of Sam chasing her through the house and shooting lasers in random directions. Apparently, there are only so many explosions people are willing to ignore.

Not only did the cops get Lillian's cell phone and were able to search the whole house "for the intruder," the press got wind of a potential alien attack when Sam broke in. They showed up in droves, leading to the entire house of horrors Lillian had in the basement ending up on the evening news. They found her tied up in her Totally Secret Evil Villain Lair, in Superman pajamas with a big bow on her head. Pictures of that would have to be framed, Lena would want one for Christmas. Ruby was rubbing off on her slightly maturity-wise. Needless to say, in the secret lair of an anti-alien extremist, they found a lot of illegal weaponry. So much. Lillian was definitely going to jail. And Sam was going home before anyone took her picture or tried to arrest her for breaking and entering.

**vrrp!**

**Dr. In Distress <3: sam did u tell K to blast us w/ music if we misbehaved?**

**Sam Arias: ...Maybe. Did you tell Ruby about Aztec human sacrifice, which she then did a history project on that was so violent that a kid barfed?**

**Dr. In Distress <3: u have an awesome kid...but no i didnt do that**

**Sam Arias: Right. Well, tell Lena that "It's done." She'll know what that means.**

**Dr. In Distress <3: is this anothr prank? im srry about the car thing!**

**Sam Arias: No. What car thing?**

Not surprisingly, Alex didn't respond. Well, she'd find out eventually, and then she had several days to plan her revenge. Having a prank war with your best friend, child, girlfriend, and girlfriend's sister/best friend's girlfriend was a lot more work than you'd think. In the meantime, she had dinner to cook, a costume to hide, and a kid to get from school.

* * *

"Hey Lena. Sam says 'It's done,' whatever that means." Alex looked understandably wary from underneath the baggage in the back seat. Ever since Sam had helped Kara change her ringtone, the pranks had gotten more and more elaborate, eventually including all four of them plus Ruby. Lena smiled. Knowing Sam and her urge to add mom humor to every situation, her mother probably did think this had to be some kind of prank.

Whatever. Her mother and her thoughts were no longer her problems. Shooting off a quick thank-you text to Sam, Lena made a mental note to get ahold of any and all newspapers before Mrs. Danvers could see them tomorrow. She settled into her seat, leaning her head on Kara's shoulder, and drifted off to sleep. Her mother had been dealt with. Now she had to deal with a far greater challenge: charming Kara's. 

 

 


	27. Thanksgiving Part 2 (Lena is a Fangirl)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this went on a mini hiatus. I'm applying to colleges right now and things are NUTS. So here's this. Sorry!

"Oh my God, you're THAT Eliza Danvers?" Lena bounced excitedly. Eliza stood on the doorstep, gazing at the woman in puzzlement. Behind Lena, Kara cheerfully carried everyone's bags. Behind Kara by several meters, Alex was contemplating running for the hills.

Lena was undeterred by Eliza's silence. "I have read every single one of your journals. I am such a huge fan, you have no idea. Your Ph.D. thesis on microbiology in alien physio was absolutely brilliant and-"

Alex didn't hear the rest of Lena's exuberant technobabble. Eliza was smiling.  _Eliza_ was  _smiling._ At Lena Luthor of all people!  _Well, at least she'll approve._ Of Lena. Who was just some newcomer with a science degree, really, and who did she think she was just swooping in and getting Eliza's full approval? Even Alex didn't get- Oh.  _Mommy issues, much?_ Alex stuck a pained smile on her face and followed Kara into the house. Eliza was engaging Lena in a discussion of something involving physics Alex didn't particularly understand. Because she didn't study physics. And why would they  _not_ talk about something only Alex didn't get? Stupid freaking-Alex paused.  _She was being fucking psycho._ Lena deserved a non-evil adult in her life. Alex was happy for her. Jealous, yes, but also happy. 

She shot Kara a thumbs-up. After all, if her mom liked Lena she would adore Sam. That wasn't anything against Lena, but her girlfriend was amazing. 

"Alex, dear, would you mind taking Lena's bags into the guest room?" Alex paused to stare at her mom in confusion. There was a Kryptonian with super strength and speed  _right there?_ Kara was already moving toward the stairs, bags in hand. Eliza stared at her, jerking her head toward the rapidly ascending suitcases.  _Fine, then._ Moving toward Kara, Alex hoisted Lena's highly impractical bags over her shoulders and marched up the stairs. She understood the need to interrogate Lena and Kara about their relationship, but there was no need to banish her while doing it. Tossing the bags unceremoniously on the bed, Alex trudged into her old bedroom, flopped onto her bed, and pulled out her phone. No one would be missing her for a bit. 

**Dr. In Distress <3: u there?**

* * *

 

Sam was plopped on her couch, watching the news. Which was a very boring and old-ladyish thing to do if your best friend's mom hasn't been arrested, but if she has then it's your duty as a friend. Besides, seeing Lillian try to slap her arresting officer and get maced for "resisting arrest" would be a highlight to anyone's day. Go, officer Maggie Sawyer. That girl would be going places.

**vrrp!**

Pulling out her phone, Sam frowned. Shouldn't Alex be catching up with her mom or something?

**Sam Arias: I am here. The question is why are you here and not talking to your mom?**

Alex hadn't been looking forward to this, Sam knew, but Eliza couldn't be that bad, right? 

**vrrp!**

**Dr. In Distress <3: she wntd 2 talk 2 kara n lena. **

Okay... In a way that made sense. It probably was wise to get a read on your alien daughter's Luthor girlfriend. But Alex seemed sad, so Eliza Danvers was now public enemy number one. 

**Sam Arias: And so you wanted a distraction?**

**Dr. In Distress <3: yeah. i miss u. **

**Sam Arias: I miss you too, gorgeous. When you're around the campus seems so much better behaved... I think the frats are all scared of you.**

**Dr. In Distress: babe ur literally a superhero. u got this.**

**Sam Arias: Yeah, but seeing you punch frat boys is sexy.**

Sam could see Alex start and stop typing several times. Closing the text app, she sent Lena a quick photo of Lillian wriggling on the ground trying to bite Officer Sawyer's ankle in retaliation for the mace. 

**vrrp!**

**Dr. In Distress <3: not as sexy as u in that uniform. cum arrest me so i can leave.**

Alex and handcuffs. There was a thought...

**Sam Arias: Hmm...No. I don't want your mom to hate me, thanks. What is it with you and wanting to be abducted?...**

**Dr. In Distress <3: its not my fault ur hot. and i wanna be with u and not here. **

Sam rolled her eyes. She ~~loved~~ really liked Alex, but she was not kidnapping her. Period. Unless she was into that sort of thing. And not at her mother's house. That bit was non-negotiable.

* * *

  Lena thought the parental visit was going fantastically. She had no idea one of her scientific idols was Kara's mother, but that just confirmed it was meant to be. Eliza had seemed slightly thrown when she saw Kara using her powers around Lena, but seemed to get over it quickly. Which was good! Because Eliza was amazing and had hugged her and called her "dear" and Lena was in love with this family. She even was helping with dinner, sort of. Eliza had taught her how to chop vegetables and she only cut herself once. And Eliza had told her it was fine and hadn't been mad and said she and Kara made a cute couple. She was never leaving. Maybe if she and Kara got married Eliza would be her mom too?

Kara seemed equally happy. She was on her tenth slice of pie, and Eliza had promised to teach her how to make the family recipe. Which was basically saying Lena could be a member of the family, right? Only if she didn't mess anything up. And she wouldn't. She was going to not mention anything about her mom, or Sam, or Superwoman, and they would have a lovely Thanksgiving which she'd help cook, and Eliza would say she could stay. And then she'd ask her all about Kryptonian engagement rituals. Not because she planned on proposing quite yet, but because it was never too early to start prepping. She couldn't wait for Sam to meet Eliza. Maybe she'd adopt Sam too and then they could all have a good mother? And Ruby would have the best grandmother in the world. Yes, that's exactly what should happen. Which meant Alex needed to stop sexting Sam or whatever she was doing upstairs and come to spill the beans to Eliza about her girlfriend. If Eliza was this accepting toward a Luthor, ther's no reason Alex should be nervous, right?

Determined, Lena marched toward the stairs to fetch her possible sister-in-law. This was going to be the best holiday ever, or else!


	28. Kara Spills Some Beans

Lena marched purposefully up the stairs. Alex was probably done putting the bags away, and even if she wasn't, Lena would help! Alex was an amazing older sibling. And a part of Lena wondered if she might get a new big sister if Alex ended up liking her. A very illogical part, Lena reminded herself. Familial bonds were based on blood, as Lillian loved to remind her. The Danvers family was not just going to decide she belonged with them. 

Opening the door, Lena was surprised to see Alex sprawled across her bed, staring listlessly at the ceiling. "Alex! Eliza's just about done cooking. If you want to come down and-"

Alex did not seem enthused by this information. "Did Eliza send you?"

Lena shook her head. "She was talking to Kara last time I saw her. She's so amazing. You're very lucky to have a mom who isn't..."

"...Trying to commit a genocide?" Lena nodded. "I'm fine up here. Like you said, Eliza is talking to Kara." Alex picked her phone up from its place by her head, making a show of flipping through it. Right, then. Alex was clearly trying to get rid of her...

"Won't your mother want to talk to you? She hasn't seen you for quite some time." Alex snorted. Lillian would have had a conniption, so Lena smiled back at her.

"Did it look like she was desperate to talk to me?" Looking back, it did seem as though Eliza was paying a disproportional amount of attention to Kara. Lena had been a bit wrapped up in gushing over her, but she did send Alex away rather soon, didn't she?

"When Lex came home from boarding school, Lillian drove to fetch him herself. She had me fly. They had to call her while she was on business because the airline didn't permit six-year-olds to fly alone." Lena sat down on the bed next to Alex. While she hadn't technically been invited to do so, she was fairly certain the occasion called for it. "It didn't make me love Lex less. If anything, he was my favorite person."

Beside her, Alex put the phone away. "Kara is my favorite person. No matter what."

Good. Kara deserved a woman like Alex, who would beat up an entire frat with her bare hands. "I still love Lillian. Even all that she did. It still hurts when she tells me I'm a disappointment. I got her arrested today, and I still want her approval. How damaged am I?" She was laughing, she noticed. Alex was sitting next to her, looking at her in a way Lena could only categorize as approving. 

"You did good, Luthor. You did. I'm proud of you, and I bet Kara is too. And Sam." An arm looped over her shoulders. Leaning against Alex, Lena closed her eyes. She came in here hoping to fetch this woman, not cry in her arms. "If I had to share my mom with yet another person, I'm fine with it being you. You could use one."

"You shouldn't have to, though. You shouldn't have to hide up here, either. It sucks." 

"It does suck. But hey, she'll find out about Superwoman soon, and then I'll be getting  _all_ her attention. Now come on. Let's go watch Kara eat more pie. I can sort out my mommy issues later." Internally, Lena vowed to make sure to have Eliza and Alex's relationship go differently than she and her mother's. Because that's what good people did. And also because Alex was dating Sam, and was possibly her friend. She hoped so, anyway. So she was fixing this! 

* * *

 

Dinner was about as super awkward as Alex had expected. Kara did her trick with the heat vision and the turkey, everyone applauded, and then Eliza gushed over her new daughter for thirty minutes. Lena was absolutely glowing. It was kind of adorable. She had seen Alex moping in her room and immediately figured out why she was upset. It kinda made sense that someone used to being "the other child" would figure her out like that, but Alex had not planned on bonding with Lena. At all. She was a badass agent who did  _not_ mope over her issues with her mom and did  _not_ bond with her sister's girlfriend. Her job was to keep Lena on her toes, after all.

"-And so I'm planning on steering Luthorcorp away from planetary destruction and genocide into a leader of green technology. But Alex, how's your research going?" Alex blinked.  _Not subtle, Luthor._

"It's been going...Really well. We've made progress on...The classified thing. And my boss has approved a new...Program."

Eliza frowned.  _Oh for fuck's sake, here it comes..._ "And has all this time in the lab kept you from finding someone to bring home this year?" Ugh. Robotically, Alex nodded. No need for Eliza to find out about Sam quite yet-

"She had to have Thanksgiving with her family."  _Kara, what the hell?_

Eliza snapped to attention like a dog on a new scent. "Who did?"

Panicking, Alex interjected herself, looking to an equally panicked Lena for support. "My...Friend. Who I met. Outside of work."

Nodding, Lena continued. "Sam and Alex bonded over the year. They're practically inseparable!"

Kara stared at them in confusion which quickly morphed into horror. "Right! Alex's...Friend. Just friends. Only friends, yessiree!"

Alex dropped her face into her palm. Lena nudged Kara under the table, and she fell mercifully silent. The three of them turned toward Eliza, like mischevious children caught toilet papering a neighbor's house.

"Just friends, huh?" Eliza stared at Alex. She stuck her chin out resolutely, quavering not in the slightest. Eliza then turned toward Lena, who was clearly fighting the urge to spill everything to her new mom but kept her silence.  _Huh. Knew I liked her._ Finally, Eliza approached Kara, and Alex fought the urge to vomit. Kara grinned her sunniest and stuffed an entire slice of pie into her mouth, chewing loudly. 

"Just friends, then. How did you meet?"

"I brought her with me to meet Alex." Alex had changed her mind. Lena Luthor was her new best friend.

Eliza did not look convinced. "And how did you and Kara meet?"

The room was dead silent. "They met...In the science building. Because Kara joined the school paper-"

"-And I was interviewing her. Right!-"

"-And I asked her out afterward!"

They all nodded, pleased with their teamwork. Eliza seemed pacified and began handing out sweet potatoes. Alex began to relax.

**"Hey! It's your girlfriend! Pick up!"**

Alex looked up in confusion, as did Kara and Lena. Alex's phone merrily continued announcing that Alex had a girlfriend from where Eliza had put it on the highest shelf in the house. _Shit. Shit shit shit!_

Kara jumped to her feet. "Oh! Um...Someone must have pranked your phone, Alex!" 

Nodding, Lena accepted the phone from Kara and deleted the new ringtone. "Probably a coworker, right?" Alex nodded furiously. The voice over the phone was obviously Ruby's and they all knew it. Unfortunately, Eliza's patience for lying had run out.

"Alex, do you work with children now?"  _Fuck._

"Actually, Mrs. Danvers-"

"Lena, save it. I have a girlfriend. Her name is Sam. She has a daughter. They're amazing. That was her on the phone." Alex sat down, waiting for the unavoidable explosion. It took a form she didn't quite expect.

Eliza Danvers, scientist and respected doctor, was doing a victory dance. "Does this mean you aren't opposed to giving me grandchildren? Really Alex, if I had known about this I wouldn't have tried to set you up with so many male coworkers of mine."  _Okay, then..._

Alex stayed silent in her seat, eyes on the floor. Kara, as always, saved them.

"Anyone wanna play Pictionary?"

 


	29. What Are Secrets? These People Don't Know!

Lena perched on Kara's bed, giggling. She had no idea what "Pictionary" was before this trip, but apparently Kara was amazing at it. Kara was just rather wonderful in general. Here she was, taking her home to meet her family, and making sure she was having fun, and not mentioning her mother...Who she had not told Kara about yet. She should probably do that.

"Kara, darling? What are you planning on doing after graduation?"

Her hero looked somewhat surprised by the question. "...Maybe being a reporter? Catco is cool...And maybe being Superwoman but for National City instead of just the university. Why?"

Well. None of that was shocking, but this might be. "I got my mom arrested for being a genocidal murderer. And Lex is in jail. So I own Luthorcorp now, pretty much."

Kara blinked up at her. "...You did what?"

"I got my mother arrested for being a violent maniac. So she can't hurt anyone anymore." Lena found herself instantly enveloped in Kara's arms. Was giving amazing hugs a superpower? It should be.

"I know how hard that must have been for you. You're amazing, Lee." Lena snuggled deeper into Kara's shoulder. She really wasn't, not compared to Kara. Or Sam. Or Alex. "I can hear you being mean to yourself. Stop it." Kara peered down at her, pouting slightly. 

"Fine. You're amazing, Kara Danvers. And not only because you can fly. You made me think that...I don't know. I could beat her." A solitary tear dripped down her face, and Lena vowed it would be the last one she shed for the woman who raised her. Kara moved to wipe it away.

"You can do anything, I've told you. I love you so much." Kara smiled down at her, seemingly unaware of the magnitude of her statement.  _She loves me. Kara loves me. Me! I should say something. Anything._

"I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you."  __Lena was crying in earnest now, although the fate of Lillian Luthor was in no way the reason. She loved this woman so fucking much. And she loved her back! And they'd stay in National City together, and she'd hire Sam to run the company until she was ready to, and live happily ever after! They just had to graduate first.

* * *

 

 Sam hefted the Thanksgiving turkey onto the counter. Really, the thing was light as a feather with her new powers, but Ruby didn't need to know that. Definitely not.

"So. Mom. Why is there a sword in the broom closet?" Sam froze. This was not good. Young children are not famous for their secret-keeping abilities.

"...What sword?"  _Play dumb, Sam. Play dumb._

Ruby rolled her eyes. "The giant sword in an umbrella you keep in the broom closet. It matched the armor under your bed?..."  _Crap._

Sam pulled out a chair and motioned for Ruby to sit across from her. "Honey... You know how some things are things you can't talk about at school?"

Ruby grinned. "You mean I shouldn't tell everyone you're the White Knight? Don't worry. Does this mean you know who Superwoman is?"

Sam was suddenly very confused. "...White Knight? Superwoman? What?"

Ruby sighed. "Mom. The White Knight is you. Giant sword and white armor? The school paper started calling you that after your first rescue. Don't you have an Instagram?" No. No, she did not. "So. Does Alex know? Is she your Lois Lane?"

"...Ruby, what are you talking about?"

Ruby seemed to be warming to her topic. "Ya know, the woman the super always saves. Kara has auntie Lena, Superman has Lois Lane, you have Alex?"

Sam spluttered. "Kara is not-"

"-Yeah she is. Superwoman always saves Lena, Kara is dating Lena and is also way too strong to be normal. It's not complicated. You should marry Alex and then we can be like the Incredibles. Can we eat now?" 

Sam nodded mutely. Apparently, her daughter considered the topic closed. And was far too smart for her own good.  _And wanted her to marry Alex._ Which was not happening  ~~yet.~~ It was too early to tell, after all. She was sticking to that, no matter how amazing Alex would look in a white dress. 

* * *

 

 Alex hugged her mother tightly. They probably wouldn't see each other until Christmas, after all. Eliza cheerfully reminded her to bring Sam. Alex huffed, marching toward the car. Like she'd subject Sam to this craziness. 

"God, I wish you could just fly us home." Kara grinned. 

"But if I fly you places the campus paper will think Superwoman is cheating on Lena." Alex snickered at Lena's flushed face.

"Who is Superwoman?" Eliza stood behind them, a plate of cookies in hand.  _Shit!_ Everyone stopped laughing in record time.

"...Superwoman? No, Mrs. Danvers, you must mean SuperMAN!" Lena was trying, but Eliza was clearly done believing them.

"I'll ask again. Who. Is. Superwoman?" That was The Mom Voice. Sam's was more effective, but Alex was  _not_ immune. Clearly, neither was Kara.

"I'm Superwoman. Lena made me a suit, so no one knows it's me. It's so cool. I'm Kryptonite proof, and Lena got a friend of hers to keep me off the internet, and Sam is teaching me law so I don't mess up the court system, and it's great!"

Alex stared at Eliza, trying to discern a reaction. Any reaction. 

"So there's no way you could get hurt or exposed?"

Kara shook her head.

"And Alex, you couldn't have prevented this?"

Of course. Of freaking course... "No, mom."

Eliza rolled her eyes fondly. "Be safe, dear. Enjoy your drive."

...What? Just like that?

"Alex, bring this Sam woman home for Christmas. No excuses."

There it was. God, she needed to text Sam.


	30. Nepotism. Nepotism Everywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this took a while. Fingers crossed life gets less crazy soon?  
> Also I tried to take this in a more...mature direction but got stuck. Hopefully, we'll get there SOMEDAY.

The drive home was awkward. Granted, sitting in the back seat of a very cramped sedan while your sister and her girlfriend coo over each other is bound to be awkward, but good Lord. Alex was happy that Lena and Kara were happy, really she was, but they needed to stop saying how much they loved each other immediately or she was going to vomit. Like, actually vomit.

The vomit could also be caused by Lena's driving. Why had they let her do that again?

Slamming into the window as Lena made her fourth U-turn of the hour, Alex began contemplating her mortality. She had a will, didn't she? Maybe? Grunting from the impact, she pulled out her cell phone.

**Doctor In Distress <3: if i die u can have my motorcycle xo**

**Sam Arias: Alex, do I need to come over there?**

Breifly enjoying the mental image of Sam removing Lena from the driver's seat, Alex was reminded that she should probably answer or Sam "Mom" Arias would actually show up. 

**Doctor In Distress <3: no lena just cant drive n she n kara r disgusting**

**Sam Arias: ...I'll talk to Lena about that when you get back. Does she even have a license?**

**Doctor In Distress <3: not sure. crap.**

Did Lena actually have a license? She wasn't sure. "Hey! Lena, you do have a driver's license, right?" Lena blinked owlishly. 

"...Like do I own the car?"

Oh dear fucking god. "No. Like did you go to the DMV and have someone sign a piece of paper saying you were allowed to drive a car and then give you a plastic thing that isn't a damn credit card?" Lena shook her head. Which explained a lot. "Pull over. Right now. You're not driving without a license."

Lena began blinking faster. _Shit. Is she gonna cry?_ Kara glared at her. It was at that moment Alex knew, she fucked up. "I just want to be able to do things without hiring someone. Why is that so hard?" The car skidded to a halt on the shoulder. Alex grimaced slightly at what she was about to do.

"Get in the passenger seat. Clearly, whoever taught you this was shit at it. Kara, you can fit in the back, right?" Shooting her sister a sadistic grin as she wriggled out of the pile of bags, Alex confiscated the car keys from Lena. "Okay, lesson one. Don't drive in stilettos." Lena nodded resolutely, typing notes on her phone. It was kind of adorable, assuming genius-yet-helpless heiresses who were banging her sister could be adorable. "Lesson two. This is a speedometer. Please learn how to use it." Grinning, Alex tore back onto the freeway. "Lesson three. Speed limits are only suggestions." Lena grinned at her, still typing furiously. Alex reached over to ruffle her hair and she shrieked. "Don't worry Luthor, we'll get you licensed within a week. Sam'll love that!" No. No Sam wouldn't, given the sheer level of terror Lena behind the wheel caused on a daily basis. But maybe with a little instruction, she'd become less of a safety hazard.

 

In the back, Kara began praying loudly in Kryptonian for salvation. With a squeal of burning rubber, Alex merged into the left lane and slammed on the gas. "Rule four: This is the no-rules lane!"

* * *

 

Lena perched daintily on her couch, reading over her driving notes. Alex had said she wouldn't be tested, but it also kind of sounded like she was kidding. She'd study just in case. Having a surrogate older sister was excellent for one's more plebian skill set!

Closing the notes tab, Lena moved to call Sam, who picked up after a single ring. It was almost like she'd been expecting Lena to need her for something. Had she forgotten someone's birthday or something? She'd need to hire someone for that sort of thing after graduation.

"Lena! Is everything okay?" Well, that was odd. Why wouldn't it be?

"Of course, Sam. How's Ruby?"

On the other end of the line, Sam huffed. "Lena. Your mom is in prison. You just met your girlfriend's mom. One of those two things isn't the reason for your call?"

Oh. That would make perfect sense. "No, actually. How do you feel about running a company after you graduate?"

"I'm...getting my MBA for that exact reason? Lena, what's going on?" Sam sounded about the right level of anxious for someone Lena Luthor was asking seemingly pointless but very specific questions to. 

"How would you feel about running a company  _immediately_ after you graduate? Like, start on the day you leave school immediately." Sam would be graduating that semester. If she took up the CEO mantle (With Lena consulting on all important decisions, of course) next month, that meant the board could fuck off about appointing some old man as interim CEO. It would be perfect if Sam said yes.

"...Lena, what is going on? CEO jobs don't just drop into people's laps like that. I really have to go-"

"-I need you to run Luthorcorp starting next month so no other genocidal monsters get put in charge!"

Silence on the other end. Eventually, Sam sighed. "You really want me to do this?"

"There's no one I trust more."

"Then yes. Just until you graduate, you know how I feel about nepotism."

"Thank you, Sam. Now go tell Alex she has a new sugar parent, or whatever it's called."

Sam squawked indignantly and hung up, swearing revenge. Lena grinned. Everything was going according to plan! Now she just needed to graduate, have Kara move in with her, rebrand the company, get Alex to marry Sam, marry Kara, and everything would be perfect forever. 

* * *

 

Sam buttoned and re-buttoned the top of her shirt for the ninth time in a row.  _Do I look desperate? Or just really trashy?_ Unbuttoning it once more for good measure, Sam stood to inspect herself in the mirror. 

**Wham! Wham! Wham wham wham whamwhamwhamwham!**

_Crap!_ Clearly, whoever was knocking on her door wouldn't be kept waiting. Maybe it was Lena with the contract for her new job. Because holy crap! She was going to run Luthorcorp! She could buy a house with a yard for Ruby to run around in and clothes that weren't in clearance and quit campus security!  _She could quit campus security._ This was the best day of her life. No more flaming bags of poo on her windshield. No more wrestling drunk frat boys. No more catcalling or pretending to care about Superwoman or newspaper brats! Hallelujah!

But first, she needed to get the door.

"Coming! I'm coming, I promise!" Swinging the door open, Sam was greeted by a massive bouquet of roses. "Hi...?"

The bouquet shuffled inside, followed by a sheepish looking Alex Danvers. "Hi. I know we didn't have a date. Or anything. And you may be busy or something in which case I'm sorry and I'll leave but I missed you. Which is super clingy and high school and- _Mmmm._ "

Pulling away from her blushing girlfriend, Sam pressed one more kiss for good measure to Alex's cheek. "I missed you too, baby. Is there some kind of occasion, or are spontaneous presents just a thing now?"

Alex pursed her lips. "I'm going to kill Lena. She said something really awesome happened and I should send congratulations and I didn't think she was kidding and- _Mmph!_ " Sam grinned. This really was an excellent way to get Alex to stop talking.

"I'm going to be CEO of Luthorcorp."

Alex blinked. "Holy shit. Gonna be my sugar momma, Arias?"

Sam stalked forward, guiding Alex back toward the couch. "Maybe. Why, need a new bike?"

Alex swallowed. "Maybe I wanna ride something else." What? Was that happening right now? Because Hell yes Sam was down for that. Alex grabbed her by her belt, pulling her to the couch.  _Okay. Something was definitely happening._ Alex was smirking underneath her, hands tugging impatiently at her shirt. Sam rolled her eyes. Of course she was dating the most impatient woman on the planet. 

Scooping Alex into her arms, Sam shot into her bedroom, dumping Alex unceremoniously on the bed with a grin. "You're absolutely positive you wanna do this, baby?"

Alex rolled her eyes and hurled ~~Sam's stolen jacket~~  her jacket at Sam's head. "Uh, yeah. In other news, you have to come to meet the parents at Christmas. So if you want to run for the hills I'd do that now." Uh, yeah. Not happening. Sam unbuttoned her shirt the rest of the way and dropped it on the floor. Alex was staring at her, frozen and unblinking.  _Not exactly bad for a girl's ego._

Weaving a hand through Alex's hair, Sam climbed into her lap. "I'm not going anywhere. And I have X-ray vision now, so good luck trying to hide from me." 

"Great. Good. I mean, yes, that's...Wait. Have you been looking through my clothes?" 

"If I say yes are you going to start wearing lead bras or something?"

Alex frowned. "That is very impractical. And also could lead to lead poisoning and- _Mmm._ " Alex stopped trying to speak after a few seconds. Her hands found their way to Sam's hips as Sam began to kiss her neck. "You're still not allowed to be some kind of peeping tom. You got me concussed accusing me of doing that, after all."

Sam paused and shoved Alex backward. "You are ridiculous and I adore you. Now hush." 

"Yeah, okay. Sorry, you're just...Damn. And my brain isn't working. And also I want to kiss you. Among other things. Please make me stop talking now." Cringing in embarrassment, Alex looked up at her pleadingly.  _Whatever the lady wants, right?_ Sam obliged her, covering Alex's mouth with her own and running a hand up her thigh.

 

To Alex's later humiliation, the number of noise complaints filed against apartment 22-D amounted in the double digits. However, Sam was the one who received them first, and spent a good thirty minutes cackling over them to Ruby's great confusion. 

 


	31. In Which Sam Meets the Parent

"So. On a scale of one to ten, how likely is your mother to poison me?" It sounds like a joke, but Sam can't help but be slightly anxious. If she found out some random campus security officer had tried to arrest her daughter and then sort of seduced her other daughter, she would be coming after them with her superhero sword. She made a mental note to scare off Ruby's future significant others with that thing. 

"Zero, Sam. She is going to fuckin-She's going to love you. And the kid. Promise."

Sam rolls her eyes. "Language."

"English." She is dating such a smart-alec.  ~~She loves it.~~ "Seriously Sam. She and Lena have weekly calls and go out to lunch once a month. She is going to love you too."

Alex is sort of missing the point. "Babe. You're going home to tell your mom you're basically dating a mall cop. An older, female mall cop with a kid. Please tell me you see why a parent might have a problem with that?"

Alex turns from her place in the passenger seat (because she is  _far_ too reckless to drive with Ruby in the car, thank you very much) and grins. "You mean I'm going home to tell my mom I'm dating a sexy older _CEO_ with a kid?" 

"You realize it's not official yet, right?" Anything to keep Alex from making "Sugar Momma" jokes in front of Eliza. Because Alex seemed to take joy in ribbing the woman.

"It's being announced tonight. It's official. And this is going to go fine. And my mom will probably ask you to buy a ring upon arrival. So stop googling shit-stuff. Stop googling  _stuff_ like 'How to fake own death.' Because I  _will_ find you if you do that." 

Sam doesn't doubt it. It's kind of hot. "Right. Get your DEO buddies to hunt me down. Remember that time I destroyed half their building?"

Alex snorted. "Fine. So I'll hunt you down all on my own. And probably get written up by Director Henshaw. Worth it."

...She would be having words with Alex's boss. She'd heard a lot about this "Henshaw" person, and he sounded like a jerk. 

She would be having words with him after she flew to Morocco and changed her name. As they approached Eliza Danvers' picturesque Midvale home, Sam began to contemplate whether it was worth it to leave her daughter and girlfriend for a new life in an undisclosed country. Beside her, Alex clamped a hand onto her shoulder.

"Don't even think about it, Ms. White Knight. You can handle Maxwell Lord or homecoming traffic? You can handle my mom."

Sam put the car in park and whipped around toward Alex. "I go on record that this is unfair since I don't have a mom for you to meet." 

Alex stared at her in silence before raising an eyebrow. "I dealt with a solid month of your daughter's pranks and shovel talks. And that was  _before_ I moved in."

...She had a point. She should not have let Ruby watch "Home Alone" and "The Parent Trap" before asking Alex to move in with her. That was only asking for trouble. 

It was still funny though. And thinking that probably meant she deserved to have to meet the parent. 

She was still not looking forward to it. 

Hopping out of the car and walking to wake up Ruby, Sam wistfully wished a fond goodbye to her escape plans. Because yes, she'd love to flee. But she had faced down a freaking frat house for Alex. How hard could a mother be in comparison?

It was Alex's mother. She was doomed. 

* * *

 

 Alex strode warily into her childhood home, prepared for screaming or tears. Not from Sam, from her mother at potentially getting her first grandchild. What she finds is Sam and Ruby sitting on the couch, a massive plate of cookies in front of them, looking vaguely like they've encountered a bear or some other wild creature.

Alex wishes she could say she is surprised.

She sends Sam a hopeful grin, getting a slightly glazed smile in response. Which was fair. Eliza could be overwhelming. 

"-And I'm so happy Alex has finally settled down. Really, I've heard so much about you from Lena. My girls have done so well for themselves! And Ruby, I heard you were interested in science so I bought you-"

"-Hey mom!"

Eliza turns around from her position looming over the couch. Alex stands up straighter. There is no way Eliza can find anything to criticize about Sam or Ruby, right? Her family is awesome.

She's slightly surprised to be enveloped in a tackle-hug by her mother. She's not shocked Eliza is hugging her, just at the level of force involved. "Alex, I am so proud of you."

...Wait, what? 

"She's amazing, honey."

Well, yeah. Duh.

Alex nods along to her mother's running commentary on how much she approves of her life choices. Which is new. Could she have fallen into a parallel universe or something on the trip? It would be impossible  _not_ to approve of Sam, but still. 

"Alex, may I have a word with you? In private?" 

Crap. Well, there it is. She allows Eliza to drag her into the kitchen, preparing for verbal evisceration. She's very confused when Eliza whips around the second they're out of sight and begins bouncing up and down like Ruby at the pet store. 

"So. She's a mom."

Yes. Yes, she is. Alex nods on autopilot, wondering what the ever loving Hell her mom is trying to get at.

"And a CEO."

Yes. That was also true. But Eliza, along with the general public, wasn't supposed to know that yet. She'd put her money on Lena trying to talk up her surrogate sister to her surrogate mother. 

"Have you bought a ring yet?"

Hold up.

"Mom, we've been dating for, like, three months."

Eliza paused before nodding. "You live together, dear." 

They did. Because Sam wanted to move out of her shit apartment and move closer to the new Luthorcorp (Soon to be L-Corp, apparently) headquarters. And Alex wanted to move out of  _her_ shit apartment ~~and move closer to~~ ~~Sam~~ ~~.~~ So yes. They had moved in together a bit early. The U-Haul jokes courtesy of Kara and Lena had been insufferable. (Until they moved in together soon afterward, anyway. Did Eliza know about that?)

"We do live together. And I really, really like her mom. So if you start talking about weddings and scare her off I will...I'll go and date a Lane."

Eliza grins. Alex does a small internal victory dance. "All the Lanes are taken, dear."

Alex concedes the point. She isn't a homewrecker, thank you very much. "Fine. But don't scare her off."

Eliza hands her a plate of brownies and shoves her toward the living room. "I won't. You're keeping her."

Okay then. Alex made a mental note to warn Sam that she might be making  _too_ good of an impression. Unless Sam was right and the brownies were poisoned. She really should test them, just in case. Not because she wanted to eat them. For safety. 

From the kitchen, Eliza's mom senses tingled. Chuckling slightly, she bellowed "Don't eat all the brownies, Alex!" from the kitchen. 

"There's brownies, too?" Ruby bounced joyfully on the couch, the empty plate of cookies beside her. Alex winced as Sam leveled a Mom Glare in her direction. 

Alex did the only thing she could think of. She shoved the plate into Sam's lap and hurriedly announced: "They're poisoned."

* * *

 

Hours later, the entire Danvers clan plus their significant others clustered around the TV. It was a bit like a Thanksgiving football game, really, except that both Lena and Sam were rapidly sending off emails to their various underlings while trying not to get caught working at a family function. Eliza had already confiscated Lena's first and second work phones, after all.

"-Today, Luthorcorp announced their newest interim CEO until the graduation of Lena Luthor. Samantha Arias will be running the company until June. Luthercorp has delivered the following statement on the appointment-"

No one could hear what, exactly, the statement was as the room broke into raucous cheers. Lena moved toward her friend, grinning widely.

"You're gonna do great, Sam."

Sam swept her up into a tight hug. " _You're_ gonna do great. I'm so proud of you, Lena."

"We get it! Everyone is proud of everyone, Sam is amazing, Lena is a saint, and Auntie Kara and Alex need to buy rings."

Ruby grinned up at them from her space on the couch, brownies somehow in her hands. "At least, that's what Grandma said on the phone with Auntie Lena. Right, Grandma?"

...Grandma? Since when did Ruby call Eliza-This was going to be a long-ass visit, wasn't it?

Eliza strode purposefully into the living room, now holding a pie. "I said what I said and I stand by it. Now, who wants dessert?"

 


	32. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so the image of Kara and Lena as the Addams family was something I saw on tumblr and I can't remember who drew it but if someone could tell me so I can credit them I would appreciate it so much!

**Approximatly Five Years Later, Halloween.**

 

Alex grinned, marching over to Sam. The L-Corp Halloween party was a resounding success. Morgan Edge was drunkenly vomiting into a fountain in front of James Olsen's camera. Zero assassination attempts had occurred, meaning Kara could be on Lena's arm the entire night instead of making an appearance as Superwoman. Ruby was running around with Carter Grant, both off their heads on sugar. 

So yeah, it was a good party.

Alex placed her hands over Sam's eyes. "Guess who?"

Sam paused. "Could it be...My fiancé, by any chance?" Sam turned around. "...Please tell me you aren't wearing my jacket. That you stole. Five years ago."

Alex grinned. "Okay. I'm not wearing your jacket, I'm wearing  _my_ jacket, which is an important part of my costume.

"And what exactly are you supposed to be? An underpaid paperwork drudge running on cheap coffee?"  _No, she was a badass who goes around terrifying frat boys._

Alex shook her head and began to speak in a horrible approximation of Sam's voice. "I'm former officer Samantha Arias. I go around forcing people to go to hospitals for no damned reason and giving pretty girls my clothes. Alex Danvers is the greatest!"

"You're a menace, that's what you are. And that's still my jacket. And belt. Where did you get my old handcuffs?"

"What's yours is mine, Arias. That's how this whole marriage thing works. And I'm not telling."

Sam snorted and nudged her shoulder. "We're not married yet, babe."

While that was true, they both knew that for all intents and purposes they'd been married for ages. As Ruby loved to remind them. Ruby, who appeared to be arguing with Carter on whether the White Night or Superwoman was the better hero. Alex would bet that Kara joined the discussion in under ten minutes.

Kara was running around with a manic grin on her face and behaving even more hyperactively than usual. What was with her and Halloween?

"Alex, what the heck is your sister supposed to be?" Examining Kara, that was actually a really damn good question. She was wearing a suit of some sort, and a fake mustache. This seemed to coordinate with Lena's black dress, white face powder, and a diamond ring for some reason- _wait a second!_

"Lena Luthor and Kara Danvers! Is that ring part of Lena's costume, or-"

Kara looked at Lena, clearly in a panic. "Um...We're from the Addams family? And they're married? So..."

Sam stepped up to join her. "Not even Lena would buy a real diamond for a costume. Probably."  _Maybe?_

They were making a scene. Alex would admit that. But Cat Grant was currently berating Edge for being a disgrace to humanity, so hopefully, everyone would stare at her-nope. No, she was coming over too.

"Congratulations. It's about time," she turned to Lena, grinning predatorily. "Now. I expect to see a wedding invitation by December. Chop chop!" Kara squealed and launched herself into her mentor's arms. Cat froze in shock but was also smiling. Which was something Alex didn't know she was capable of doing when Astra wasn't around? What the woman saw in a reformed eco-terrorist Alex didn't know, but it seemed to just...work.

Needless to say, Cat Grant hugging an employee who was also dating Lena Luthor was more interesting than a thoroughly embarrassed Morgan Edge. Cameras flashed, questions were shouted, and Alex began to feel like maybe she'd fucked up a bit. Even worse than when she'd accidentally set Kara's apparently-alive aunt up with Kara's boss without telling Kara. Or that time she had given James Olsen the "Stay Away From Kara" talk when he was only asking her how to date Winn Schott. Or that time she'd nearly made Lucy Lane think Vasquez was cheating on her. Or-Well, she'd messed up a lot. She should not be allowed near other people's relationships. But she also had the most awesome (and craziest) family in existence, and they kept forgiving her, so maybe it was fine?...

"Uh...Sorry, guys?"

Lena grinned at her. "It's fine, Alex. Truly. Unless it isn't. You're not upset about this, are you?"

Alex jerked her forward into a tight hug. "Welcome to the family. Don't fuck it up."

If both she and Lena were crying, no one ever had to know.

Everyone knew. Everyone also knew that mentioning it was a bad idea. Both Eve and Jess were holding a sign saying "Shut Up, You Idiots!" It didn't get much more obvious than that.

Some idiot still didn't get the point. He had been hitting on Kara since he fell to earth, and evidently, either couldn't read or was too drunk to care. "Hey! Sheth a Kryptonian! You can't get mawwied! Kawa! I wuv you. We should be togesher inshtead!"

This pronouncement was heard by exactly zero people, as Mon-El of Daxam found himself quickly escorted outside by the two Kryptonians in attendance not celebrating their engagement. Sam and Astra made it very clear to the young Daxamite he had best bother someone else. Literally anyone else. Luckily, J'onn was there to take him into custody for public intoxication.

That was the biggest inconvenience of the night. It was almost as if no one was dumb enough to take on a Lena Luthor with self-confidence, especially with the amount of Kryptonians who tended to show up to her events. Funny how that worked.

 

And so, a Halloween party became an engagement party. People who might have died in other universes were quietly reformed. People who might have shown up to ruin everything became the office annoyance no one cared about until they were unceremoniously deported later in the year. Time travelers were still befriended at a later date, but strangely certain passengers in other people's heads never showed up, almost as if early exposure to a shit ton of Kryptonite eradicated them before they could go on a killing spree. And everyone lived happily ever after, or they had three angry Kryptonians, two angry CEOs, and a shit ton of government employees, family members, and assistants to deal with.

The end?

 


End file.
